Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy (SEL) have had a busy 2010; they’ve composed the soundtrack for My Name is Khan, Karthik Calling Karthik R (or Uff Teri Ada, its sole claim to fame), Housefull and most recently, Tere Bin Laden.

Unfortunately, We Are Family doesn’t add much to their repertoire. It’s telltale and tired Karan Johar with not a hint of originality. I could be listening to MNIK or Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

The album opens with Aankhoon Mai Neendain, and can you say déjà-vu? Parts of it feel like I’m listening to Sajda slash Tere Naina — MNIK or Mitwa — KANK. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and Shreya Ghoshal do their best with the conventional/saccharine track. And the lyrics, Aankhoon mein neendain, neendoon mein sapnay, sapnoon mein… clichés. You’ve heard these expressions of love before… in text messages from stalkers!

Remember Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley? Oh yes, SEL go the Pretty Woman (KHNH) route, paying tribute to the cultural icon and King of Rock & Roll with Dil Khol Kay Let’s Rock. Only trouble is, two minutes into the track and you want to scream sacrilege.

Vishal Dadlani and Shankar Mahadevan attempt to weave magic with Reham O Karam, and largely succeed — an unplugged rendition by Shankar swiftly transitions to rock-operatic heights courtesy a memorable chorus, impressive guitar solos and, of course, Vishal Dadlani.

The Sonu Nigam and Shreya Ghoshal duet, Hamesha & Forever moves at an ambling pace and has a chorus that might mesmerise the diehard romantic, but for the rest it’s just another one of those inevitable ballads that tread the lullaby territory. The piano prelude is perhaps the best thing about this 4:52 (snooze-fest) serenade.

Though Shreya Ghoshal impresses with her powerful vocals, there’s really nothing to write home about Sun Le Dua Ye Asmaan, except perhaps the flute arrangement. The mellow almost-theme song might create more impact with accompanying visuals; given its heartrending nature, it’s bound to feature at a critical moment in the film.

The last song off the album is the We Are Family Theme, where the composers throw every instrument out there at us: piano, flute, violin — unabashedly attempting to tug at our heartstrings and almost succeeding. It’s only the second redeeming song, and it’s an instrumental for crying out loud.

There are four bonus tracks in the album, from Karan Johar’s previous works MNIK, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and Kal Ho Na Ho. What’s ironic is that either the film-makers were furiously trying to compensate for the average WAF(er-thin) soundtrack, or they were just completely ignorant: the bonus tracks are eons better than anything the film has to offer.

‘Can two mothers make a home?’ asks the tagline of We Are Family. While that question remains unanswered, at least we’ve discovered that three music-directors can’t come up with a half-decent soundtrack. The album should come with a warning: For lovers of Bollywood’s ultimate Romeo & Juliet coupling, Raj and Simran only.—Osman Khalid Butt