Anger is as natural an emotion as happiness, grief or fear. In fact, it can easily be called one of the most common human emotions. Nobody can claim that he or she has never been angry in his/her life. We are often angry when we cannot control our circumstances, at things which go wrong in spite of the efforts we put into them or with people who do not come up to our expectations, or have hurt us with their indifference or bad attitude.

Every one has a right to be angry when they have been let down emotionally or physically. It is a perfectly acceptable, even desirable response, as long as we know how to manage and control it. Positively channelled, anger is a powerful motivator and can be used to achieve one’s goals and fight for the right causes.

However, there is a very thin line between being angry and being cruel or rude. But often, in a white hot rage, we forget this fact! It’s a common sight to see angry people throw away all norms of civilisation to the air. They utter words or sling allegations which they do not really mean; words which they regret bitterly when they have cooled down and are back to normal. But often it is too late, because they have caused irreparable damage to their relationship with the person on whom they have vented their fury.

Sometimes frustration and disappointment is building up inside us towards a particular person or circumstances, but unfortunately, in a fit of rage we target the wrong person. And the unsuspecting victim of our fury is hurt beyond words! For example, take Salima, whose only son has moved abroad with his family. Salima feels let down and disappointed as she and her husband have to live all alone at their age; her caring daughter, however, carves out time from her responsibilities to help out her aging mother.

Last week she called and told me in an anguished tone, “I don’t know what got into me. I had been asking Seemi (her daughter) to come over and take me to the doctor as my arthritis is getting worse. But she could not come for many days as her husband was down with high fever. In a fit of anger, I called and told her that it was good that she had no children. When she couldn’t look after her sick parents, how could she have taken care of her children? Oh! How could I be so unkind to my darling? I told her later that I was sorry and she still comes and helps me out in all my chores. But she is no more her cheerful self; I can read the pain in her eyes.” Salima’s distress reminded me of a quote, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret!”

To hold our temper in provocation needs a lot of courage. A famous saying goes, “The strongest man is one who can control himself when he is angry”. This does not mean that we should not get angry at all. Although we are taught from our childhood that it is a part of good etiquette not to exhibit anger openly, pent up anger is like a toxin which harms our physical, mental and emotional health. While violent outbursts are undesirable, expressing our displeasure in certain circumstances in a socially acceptable manner, often leads to rectifying a situation. The point to remember is that we can either scream at the top of our voice when we are enraged or express our displeasure in a calm voice. According to Lyman Abbott “Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry!”

The next time you are angry just remind yourself that you should not and must not enter the danger zone; the zone when, in utter rage, you hurt the people you would never dream of harming in normal circumstances! Don’t let your angry outbursts make people who love you drift away from you or afraid to be honest or frank with you. Because, according to Aristotle, “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way…. that is not easy!”

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