There are only two things that give branch bankers the creeps. One is a wailing child. Accompanying his or her parents, the child makes it a point to break the almost silent atmosphere and practice the high notes by simply screaming the air out of the lungs.

The other is the State Bank of Pakistan.

The child can be pacified with the help of a candy and a lady banker willing to have the patience of a mother. But the State Bank of Pakistan? Now that needs a lot more than just candy.

As soon as the branch opens for business, the official, or officials, approach the front desk and make a request for a very mundane operation. It could be to break a higher denomination bill into smaller ones. Or perhaps a request for details of opening a new bank account. If the answer they get pleases them they then go for another query. But chances are that since the bank has just opened, they are bound to get answers like, 'Sir, please wait while an officer assists you shortly'. This, of course, is a good enough opportunity for the officer to produce his SBP duty card, along with a letter authorising him to make a snap inspection/audit of the branch. That's when the fun begins.

For the trained eye, SBP officers are easy to pick. They exude a particular aura that is normally associated with policemen, only more authoritative. And the one person trained to pick out the difference is the branch manager. Even before the alarm bells go off he is out of his cabin and with the officials offering all possible assistance.

The security register, the cash register, the attendance register, the audit can be of anything. All the SBP wants is that the checks and balances put in place by the bank itself, in accordance with the regulations, are being followed. And if there's an exception, then there better be a written explanation to go with it. Else it's a fine, an explanation and marks given only for good behaviour! The head office is immediately notified of the SBP officials' presence, which then asks to be updated on a minute-per-minute basis.

The officials remain in the branch till lunch, by which time they are invited to lunch. An attempt, of course, by the branch staff to patronise the visitors in case they find something to report. But the SBP officials, a highly trained lot, decline saying that they have work to complete and will eat at the SBP's expense.

Finally, when the whole inspection is complete, the SBP officials part ways, after submitting their report, which could be full of good marks or bad, with a warning or two. If the latter happens, the branch manager has to explain. If not, then it's a pat on the back with words of encouragement.

The objection can be of any sort: a security camera isn't working or the leave record file is not in order. Discrepancies in the more important financial stuff carry a heavier fine if not found to be in order. Thus the cat-and-mouse game continues.

— Atifuddin Khan