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We asked world famous occult medium, Mr. Abdul Qadir Awami Badami, to connect and communicate with Osama bin Laden’s soul, to ask him what really happened on the night he was shot dead in Abbottabad …
Mr. Osama, can you hear me? Mr. Osama?
Bubble … bubble … bubble
I think I have made contact with the departed soul. Mr. Osama, can you hear me?
Yes, where am I? Is this heaven?
No, sir, you are at the bottom of the sea.
Sea? Hmmm … yes, it does seem that way. Am I dead?
Well, yes. Kind of.
Hmm … how did I die?
I was hoping you could tell me that.
All I remember is that it was night and I was waiting for the Kakul guys to get my dinner, and then I heard these ’copters and thought maybe the Kakul guys were throwing me a surprise party or something and I got very excited, and …
The Kakul guys used to give you dinner?
Well, yes. Biryani on Mondays and Tuesdays, chicken chowmein on Wednesdays, steak on Thursdays, mixed veggies on Saturdays and Sundays …
And on Fridays?
On Fridays I used to call them over for dinner. One of my wives makes a darn good Yemeni stew.
I see. So they knew you were hiding there?
Of course, they did! They’re my wives!
I mean the Kakul guys.
Oh. Well, according to their intelligence reports, I was some rich Arab camel breeder and exporter.
Really? They didn’t bother to cross-check?
Let’s just say, I was not on their radar.
Must be the same radar that failed to pick the American ’copters …
I tell you, my men have better radars, hehehe … bubble, bubble..
By the way, you said that I was in hiding?
Weren’t you in hiding?
Not at all!
Then why did the Americans take 10 years to find you?
Those fools don’t know much about caves.
But you weren’t hiding in a cave, sir.
My friend, let me tell you, all of Pakistan is one big cave!
Then did the Pakistanis really know you were in the country all along?
My friend, they wouldn’t have been Pakistanis had they not known. Hehe … bubble, bubble.
Huh?
Never mind.
So you are saying they knew?
Well I was … excuse me, I think I have a fish stuck in my ear. *Plop!* Ah, a red snapper! So, what were you saying? By the way, what is your name, brother?
Abdul Qadir Awami Badami
That is a strange name. Are you by any chance a Hindu?
No.
Hmm … I guess I will have to kill you anyway.
But you are dead.
Oh, right, of course. Then I guess I will kill some fish instead.
Are you a seafood fan?
No, I just like killing infidels.
Infidel fish?
Yes, you have a problem with that, you idol worshipper!
How can fish be infidel?
Look at them! Swimming in the sea, all naked!
But they are fish!
And stark naked! Shameless.
Whatever, tell us about your stay in Pakistan…
It reminded me of home.
Saudi Arabia?
No, Afghanistan, but with better cars and escalators.
But you’re a Saudi.
I’m a Muslim first. The best there was. And if you disagree I will get you killed. You are a Christian Crusader anyway.
No.
Non-Muslim!
Human being.
Infidel!
Any difference between human beings and Muslims?
Of course there is. That is why we only kill human beings.
But you and your al Qaeda and Taliban friends have killed thousands of Pakistani Muslims.
They were all bad Muslims.
How can you say that?
I don’t say. I blow!
No, you say, while others blow...
Those who blow have true faith.
Even the small children and infants who have died in these attacks?
Yes!
So people who blow themselves up in mosques, shrines and markets are the only true Muslims?
It is much more complicated than that. A very complex concept.
Please explain.
You see, only those Muslims who blow themselves up in mosques, shrines and markets are the only true Muslims.
But that’s what I said.
You did?
Yes.
I see … you Hindu!
Why did you say that?
Because you worship idols.
But to some, you are an idol too.
I am an ideal.
A pretty violent one though.
Yes, mashallah.
But I’m not forcing my beliefs on you.
That is because you are a chicken!
So I should impose them on you?
Yes. Come on, I invite you to convert to my faith. Where is your suicide jacket?
Where’s yours?
I deal in suicide jackets, not wear them, fool.
I know so many Muslims who are nothing like you.
They are not Muslims!
Then who are they?
Human beings! Ugh!
But I thought a good Muslim also meant being a good human being.
Jewish propaganda!
What?
Well, as I … excuse me, I think I see a shark approaching.
Why don’t you move from there?
No worries. You know that red snapper that got stuck in my ear?
Yes…
Well, I trained it to become a suicide bomber. It just exploded over the shark’s head!
But the shark did not attack you!
But it could have.
You’re sounding like George W. Bush. He, too, was into pre-emptive strikes, remember?
Ah, good ol’ Bushy. He was good for my business. But this Obama guy turned out to be different.
Different, how? In policy and in strategy?
No, in colour. He is black.
A human being, nevertheless.
That is the problem. The whole world should be Muslim, instead.
Yes, just like Bush wanted the whole world to become American.
Ah, good ol’ Bushy. Those were the days. Right, I guess I’ll kill you now.
But you’re dead. Buried deep in the sea.
They buried me here?
Yes, the Americans buried you in the sea.
Wow! Has Obama converted to Islam?
What do you mean? You were a Salafi, right?
Yes. I am amazed. How did he know we didn’t believe in marked graves?
But some of your fans around the world are criticising him for not giving you a decent Muslim burial.
Infidels!
So you are happy that they buried you in the sea?
Of course! Otherwise bad Muslims would have made a shrine at my grave. We blow up shrines, you know.
Yes I do. But this is amazing. You are actually happy at what Obama did?
Yes, but minus the shooting-me-in-the-head part, of course.
So you do remember that you were shot in the head?
Well, I really do have this bad headache and … well, I’ll be dammed! There’s a hole in my head! The buggers did shoot me!
The Americans?
Yes, who else? The Pakistanis?
So Pakistanis weren’t at all involved in your assassination?
Well, their only contribution to this was that on that fateful, tragic night they delayed my dinner. Buggers. Had to be shot on an empty stomach.
But the Taliban are blaming them and saying that now their top target is Pakistan.
Really? What was our top target before my death? Guatemala?
You tell me.
Hmmm … better warn Mullah Omar.
Why, is he hiding in Pakistan too?
Follow the dinner trail, follow the dinner trail …
So the Pakistanis did know you were there, right?
Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are, forget about knowing where I was. What is the Pakistani media saying?
Some of their TV anchors seem shocked and sad.
Yes, one of them once worked as a cook for me and another used to give me great massages.
Can you name them?
No. Don’t want to give them undue importance. Let the ISI do that.
The ISI gives them importance?
Sort of. They give the ISI great massages too.
Can you be more specific?
Yes, I can. I. Want. To. Behead. You. You. Hindu. How is that for being specific, you cunning Jew?
Human being.
Same thing.
Whatever.
Chicken! Come on fight me, you Buddhist coward!
I am disconnecting from you now. May God deal with you in whatever way he thinks you are to be dealt with.
Darn. I almost forgot. You are right. Now I will have to meet the maker. Do you think he likes seafood?
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com.
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
Hi NFP, Superb Article. I ready it one of the Tweets on my Mob, then came back to post a comment. Infact your colleague, who has written a blog on Osama was also really good.
I wish to advise an article on Conspiracy Theories, infact a TV Program on conspiracy theories, interviewing people. Make it Peppy & funny, adding some music and airing its. Its good to correct delusional people who are too many. Society has a message to think straight, there`s fun, and Good TRP`s.
I am fromMauritius, an indian ocean island. I have reading The Dawn for years now and i always wait for Nadeem's next writings. why not print a urdu version of this article in a urdu newspaper?
Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are,
What a bitter truth but a truth nevertheless. Hats off NFP, Keep on giving wake up call to this slumbered nation.
Brilliant Article, Hats off to Nadeem's courage to speak out the TRUTH.
Dear Nadeem F. Paracha, God bless and protect you. Faiz Ahmad Faiz might be happy to know that the land where CHALI HAY RASM KI KO-IY NA SAR UTHAA KE CHALE is finally giving birth to some courageous and brilliant individuals like you. Bravo ! Please keep in touch with UBL of the Deep Sea. I am sure you have much more to ask, and he has a lot more to say. Love & Peace, a Former Lyariite-Karachite, MT
After reading reams of gory details on OBL killing your piece has come as a refreshing & hilarious change.Nadeem why don't you write a script/screenplay for a Hindi movie to be directed by say a shyam benegal or priyadarshan .I am sure the whole of India& Pakistan will roll "LTAO".
As an Indian settled in US and having been fortunate to know human beings from all walks of life people are good and bad everywhere. Nadeem wish majority of the Pakistani people develop your outlook. The world is getting smaller everyday and we as humans have to share it. Self depreciating humor is true confidence in oneself. Thank you for writing this article
Lol! really good
wow! great work indeed. telling the truth with fun.
also good to know by readig the comments that people all over the world now acknowledge that pakistanis want peace but only a small number of extremists created a bad image.
excellent..!! not only for fun,lots of good message if try to understand..have shown the real face of so called muslim who think except their extremist ideology other all are deserve to death.. in isalam to kill one human mean to kill all human being…
As pluralistic society, we love our brothers and sisters across borders including the media.
Excellent humor is what we need in this world of ours with galore conspiracy theories. Thanks Nadeem for making my day.
great……… i enjoyed it very much
Mr. Parcha, thanks for bringing smile on thousands faces through your writing…..
Really the situation is a crisis of a sort. We believe strong, resilient Pakistan with priorities reset on the education, empowerment to all, vibrant society without bias. GOD is GOD. You and I call in different names. Pakistan will come out of the terrorism prioritised crisis soon.
i"m writing from tn.usa;your writing is very clever,and interesting i would expect such from nytimes,but it was a surprize from a packastanie news paper. i am so wrong about people in asian cultures.
Really enjoyed the article. But Nadeem ..do take precautions to stay safe..Osama is dead..but his followers are still running around behaving like chickens with heads-cut off. For those claiming its wrong to make fun of a dead man..my response: "Not really". This is a lesson, that in today's world ..death will not spare a person from ridicule and taunts if you spend your whole life harming other innocents simply because they choose to worship the divine in a different way than you.
I read regularly Pakistani newspapers on web.. I consider your media is far far ahead of Indian media. Indian media is corrupt and business minded.. Keep doing this good work…
Shridhar, Well, apart from Dawn, if you go to any one of Pakistani news article or news channel, you'll see and feel how corrupt and double minded they are. Dawn is the single most Pakistani site which I respect the most. I think they are truly writing in favor of their country for the betterment. Not any other single news paper is doing this.
Sridhar, I second that. Dawn is far better than anything that Inda produces and frankly is the only good news from Pakistan in these troubled times. Great work Dawn! Great work NFP!
Great Talent, I could not stop laughing, excellent read.
Hi Nadeem, this article is quite funny.
cheers,
dustin
Good humor .. a bit bold but I guess writers should have that creative liberty
this article is proof that Pakistan papers are far ahead than their Indian counterpart. the last hope of pakistan is their unbiased media. i am hindu indian but like to pray to allfor future peaceful Pakistan.you have suffered a lot. it is time for revolution brother
Hey Nadeem,
I really enjoyed your article."Pakistani's dont know where they themselves are",is painfully true.
To my friend Sandip from Bangalore,thanks for the good wishes………..it is indeed time for a revolution!
courageous move, well done.
Brilliant and Courageous!!..to say the least
Brilliant NFP Sir……………….
courageous man………great …..you are a brilliant person
Great humour! But you may be inviting trouble by being so open about reality in Pakistan.
Sick, as ever!
Excellent job u have done in uplifting the veil from the very draconian and baseless ideology of these warloving men. The ideology,whiich they are trying to inflict upon non-muslims, can't be justified on humanitarian as well as islamic ground, and has not only tarnished the image of Islam in the world but also moulded the ideas of non-muslims against the true muslim.
NFP keep writing in such a very brave manner.
Agreed !
And never were truer words spoken!!!
Well, Laden is dead,; Is that going to be the end of Terrorism in the world ? No, Terrorism is not one man's work.We may see a terrorist far more dangerous than Osama Bil Laden in the coming days.So what is the solution? How we ensure that such In human killings of innocent do not get repeated? Killing one or two miltants is no solution.Militants are not seperate species.They are our own kiths and kins born innocent . We have to understand their sense of being injured however unfounded they may appear to be and address it with clinical approach.I suggest the Religious leaders to counsel such groups and help them and rest of us all.I suggest UNO to form a forum where such grievences are addressed with clear understanding and analysis followed by suitable redressal of the grievences.Laden was not a disease ; he was a major symptom os a serious disease.That disease is yet to be cured,.;How? Let us ponder over it.
It's good humour.
It takes courage to laugh at oneself, only then will we know what we have to improve upon. This includes both self and nations
Sunshine and blessings.
Is it humanity to laugh on a dead man? Then how can you differentiate yourself from OBL?
So the Pakistanis did know you were there, right?
Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are, forget about knowing where I was…..
To ridicule oneself, it takes lots of courage… Unfortunately, this is current situation in Pakistan. They don't know whom to believe in this regard; the Govt, military, ISI, media, or the Americans…
You're an embarrassment to humor, satire, journalism, and with everything related to sense. Do some study on politics, and militants in Pakistan and then write anything on it. No doubt OBL was insane, but the way you have portrayed Pakistan, and the OBL, it is a bit disgusting.
These are the true comments.Conversation is exceptional.
Highly entertaining..:D
Brilliant satire, one of your best pieces. If only more of our countrymen can get a sense of humour.
This is a pretty good piece, except the last sentence, which Mr. Paracha may have written in the spirit of the Western notions of freedom of expression.
Great read… I must say it takes a lot to write a comic piece than to write a serious one. Job well done
Great! Very creative!
Timely and vibrant critic did this leads somewhere……..
Another masterpiece by NFP hahahahha
a biased article aimed at defaming own nation.
yh — here in usa — we NEVER do that….!!
Bravo
I wished more ppl in Pak thought the way you do, Sir!
Great Timely Satire. MUCH needed. THANKS
This is awkward. I feel embarassed on your behalf for this failed attempt to seem funny.
EXCELLENT JOB….GREAT HUMOR…LOVED IT….
Its interesting
Mindblowing Nadeem ! Stumbled on this by chance, really enjoyed it.
Good piece of work!!
Hilarious!! Loved the pun. All those who thought such things are embarrassing get a life ppl!! Learn to laugh at yourself and face reality. Great job NFP!
Stumbled upon this while searching for OBL news…and gosh this is hilarious. Burst out laughing. Great job NFP! Keep up the good work. How do I get access to NFP's writing? We need more Dawns and NFPs on both sides of the border.
Please do not have sea food for a few weeks…….you may unknowingly get a piece of Obama in you!!
Very very witty and intelligent article. Keep it up.
this article shows wat true journalism is… it was so funny and the most important thing you introduce yourself as a human being i wish all the person of the world become human being first then the hindu, muslim, jews, christian etc etc….
NFP! write something for Pakistanis as well, please.
Awesome Pakistan didnt know any thing about Ajmal Kassab in the begining , same is true for Osama.
Recently 'discovered' Dawn- this is one darn good newspaper! A heartening liberal voice from a troubled region. I remember reading somewhere that the english language newspapers in Pakistan are 'freer' than in India (btw, I was born in India). May be something like this won't get published in Urdu newspapers…
NFP tussi great ho. You are the hope of Pakistan along with Ardeshir
I salute your courage to speak the truth !!!
Shameful.
Is OBL really dead or is he taken alive and will be tortured for rest of his life to extract information?
It is possible for the Americans to actually stun OBL and fake an encounter that he is killed in the presence of OBL’s wife and children.
For the same reasons the Americans did not take OBL’s wife as hostage who supposedly knows a lot about OBL’s plans.
That is the reason the Americans can not give an authentic picture of the dead OBL
Excellent work NFP……. don't know what the hue & cry is about. It seems the truth hurts… hurts. HURTS
I enjoy most of your articles, with a few exceptions. This was one of them.
And also, if you had said he was an Arab, you would have been correct, but he wasn't a Saudi. In fact, he had no nationality. Saudi Arabia had long ago stripped him of his Saudi nationality and his family had disowned him.
a cheap work really……..
Nadeem…….you are simply brilliant. Love the way you tell the truth. Keep it up. My best friend is from Pakistan. I am gonna share this with him.
I love the grave part…:)
probably they should have given him a land burial…it would have been interesting to see if it converts into shrine or not…so that the hypocrisy of Talibans can once again be exposed…:)
NADEEM JI, TUSI GREAT HO, BALLE, BALLE
ur work is best ! ur a true genius …. we need people like u ! ur n artist n i truly admire ur work..its unique n talented … best of luck n i read ur columns every week in dawn mag… tc
One of Worst articles of NFP.
One of the Best articles of NFP
BRILLIANT!!! FACTS Presented IN A HUMOROUS WAY… LOVeD IT
Bravo to the author & Dawn for publishing this.. Great work!. In these testing times for ordinary pakistanis it takes courage to poke fun of the situation & publish this. Pls keep up the good work.
Although they cannot be assumed to be directly involved the least Pakistan can do to try to regain a level of dignity is to see Zardari, Kayani and Pasha resign from their position of responsibility. This is the least we expect from people of honor..
Fantastic piece. More people are required to speak in this fashion in order to show the mirror to his remnants.
didn't find anything funny in it… really
Very well written. Loved every bit
Good! Very intelligent and very funny
Excellent ! & funny !
You hit the nail on the head ….and brought a smile !
Way to go author /human being/ whatever…:)
Hmm, not bad.. But NFP has been funnier!
Good one
not even funny, very pathetic…. worst article anyone can write.
LOL. NFP, ,you are a genius. I gotta tell you being an Indian i more enjoy the blog in Dawn, also i like interacting with the pakistani friends. Good work NFP.
Viva la Nadeem!
Burial at sea was a compassionate gesture from USA since OBL will need lots of water where he went.
Simply Hilarious NFP, Keep it up!
Not funny at all, infact it was shameful
Great..wht a creativity? Muslims n American r not safe..n the situation has been created, coz both parties fail to respect each other human right..wish to see a day whn, everyone respet every culture, religion..so tht the world will be better place to live
"""So the Pakistanis did know you were there, right?
Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are, forget about knowing where I was."""
Loved it…..and keep up the good work!!!!!
Bravo. Humor with a bite.
Brilliant !!!
its good article … atleast pak media is more responsible and is doing good job.
NFP in particular and Dawn in general are two of few exceptions. I am afraid the Dawn policy does not permit me to give names of some of the other online newspapers that exhibit some of the most atrocious standards of journalism that ignore or distort facts that can be easily established by cursory internet searches. As an example, going to the mother of all causes, no newspaper in Pakistan dares to publish United Nations Security Council Resolution 47 (1948), particularly Clause 1, about Kashmir.
Need to know if any Indian media ever published clause 2 of the same resolution.
Indian media being ignorant/biased doesnt justify us doing the same !
Being funny doesn't mean you have to make jokes about religion and about your country. Adding to my embarrassment, its not only our leadership but we as a nation are deteriorating in our values and norms.
Agree with you.
agree but sorry to say we are not nation. we are crowed, we are mahir, punjabi, pathan, sindhi, balochi. we are not nation.
Foolish Ideas and non-sense!!
Awesome as always.. I rate dawn much above any of Indian Media, they are euphoric and disgusting. Dawn is real dawn and thanks a lot as always .. keep going .. Thank you Nadeem F. Paracha… you are man.
I am an India. This is a very well composed article and must be respected. How ever, How does the entire Indian media become Inferior on thease grounds? you have obsalute fools like aajtak, live India, Star news but all of them are visual media. Print media of the largest democrasy (India) is certainly one of the best world.
Rare quality to laugh on self these days.Ur the first pakistani i know now who says ur human being first and i have lots of friends from yr side of border. So meri positive thinking rung lai ……………
Aweson, Un Biased, spectacular peice of work. Bravo NFP!
Really witty and funny writing. Keep it up NFP. Have not laughed so much in a while.
written in very bad taste..
I have never visited this website but one of my friend especially called me from India and said – see the daring pakistani. Absolutely wonderful. Appreciated.
You should read all of NFP's articles, especially international gorillay.
hilarious…and cent percent true…..love love love this piece…..
:):)
wondeful! one of the best pieces i have read
NFP is a realistic person, what ever he writes is based on his own mindset.It is for sure he is not a hypocrite. I like his views as he is candid and and clear in his thinkings.Reality, sometimes, cannot be digested to hypocrites
….LOVED READING THIS. GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR
This is perhaps the best piece I've read post Osama's death! Tickled me endlessly.
NFP your article is good.
Brilliant,Hilarious and True speech freedom and journalistic freedom expressed from the penning by nadeem and trying to open eyes of ordinary pakistanis from this hysteria of eleminating Infidels muslim and non muslims with voilence.I thank nadeem for timely reminder of real truth.
Mr! farhan are you out of your senses,
the matter that has embarassed all you nation and you are making fun of it
who is paying you for these sort of negative humorous publications
.
.
. shame on all those who create fun of any one dead.
I believe Mr Paracha is a very bious writer based on his past experience. Try to grow out of your teenage rebel lifestyle and start using your talents in some positive way. Believe me at the end of the day you will not become "Dante" if your views are not accepted by a majority of readers. People like you with your so called facing the reality doesent help the best to come out for the country. Believe me Plots for the war are the same from the history but have very different views in both countries according to their interest. Being Critical of a system is a way to show patriotic but making a nation feeling disgusted is just like being a traitor. I hope you might considering changing your attitude toward your own people because at the end of the day our people dont have much to be proud about.
Hey, it's just a piece of satire. Get over it!
You don't need to be satirical in everything.
The world's most wanted guy was living next to the Army Cannt for last 5 years. America has given Pakistan billions to help hunt this man. The whole country was confused for two days to say whether they knew about the operation or not. The Americans came and went near a supposedly high security zone with combat helicopters and were there for nearly 40 mins. What were the armymen in the nearby contonement doing – Hiding under their beds ? Despite all the bravado – the leaders know that they are on a backfoot and the world knows that noone is in control in Pakistan – not even the Army !
Shouldtn this trouble you rather than a little harmless satire !
Let alone Osama's presence even his death in Abbotabad nera cantonment area is yet a supposition even by international media. Where is the body? Where are his remnants? Where is the video footage? Where are the pics? Who would reply to these questions? These questions are still unanswered even at international media. There is dire contradiction between various officials of America. How would you prove all? You guys have guts to criticize Pak army, but you fear asking even a simple question to super power.
Rajeev, I hate to say it but your are right. It is why this piece is so funny and timely. Just wish the establishment had some sense too.
Ernestly humming my way on reading this!
I used to consider myself a NFP fan;not anymore after reading this article.It has got to be NFP's worst article to date.What do his Hardcore fans have to say now?I'm regretting having was ted my time reading this thing.I would not have needed to write this had anyone the good sense to explain NFP that his article is rubbish.One need not be a Hardcore NFP fan in order to be a non-terrorist!
congrats NFP U got in approval list of our across the border friends.
by demeaning ur own people.anyway it was funny but painful.
Great work, you're my man. You are a beacon of light and sanity in a darkness of insanity.
witty…….. welcome change from the graphic gory details in whatever I've been reading/watching since the man's death……..
Am still laughing even after reading this a couple of times. Good one in the midst of all the blood and gore talk. Thanks and keep it up.
awesome sense of humor! great read!
I live in the USA — this is seriously funny — do u jump when a car backfires? Im shocked this could be in a major paper there — but — idk — luv it!!!
There are some very fine points in your dialogue. The meanings of Chowmein, Steak, Cave, Afghanistan, Infidels, Jews, Hindu, Nakesh Fish and so many more things are so profound, if you think deep about it.
I wish Pakistanis could understand that the nation is becoming more like a cave and the people cavemen.
Simply Hilarious…
NFP. True genious. This blog made my day
Excellent, i don't always agree with him or hard line liberals because they see only half side of everything, But this was fantastic.
Hilarious, creative and awesome photo! Thanks! from New York.
Nadeem you are great. Your blog is always a good read but this spiricon. with Osama is absolutely wonderful.
An excellent piece of humor
One Pakistani to another " What a Country! Even Osama isnt safe here" !!
i m amazed d way u poked sch a humors article on d most serious issue!!!!! nd truly osama had only 1 agenda ….kill infidels…n prove evryone an infidel…. sunil india(hindu…nw m nt scared in disclosing my identity)
pls becareful
pls pls pls
NFP Rocks .. humorous irony .. ROFL!
still they say Pakistan has no freedom of speech ….. great piece NFP. Proud of having a realist like you
all that you wanted to express is your personal opinion. It might not be the fact. i think our Army's incompetency is the cause of depression of the people, not Usama's death.
Nadeem ! I really like the way you deal with serious matters in a humorous way. More power to you!
This is not the time for jokes. Pakistanis are embarrassed to see fellow Pakistanis specially those in authority playing double role, "hunting Bin Laden and sheltering Bin Laden".
Hi-larious! Thanks for the laugh… Happy Cinco de Mayo!
This is brilliant. Nadeem you are exceptional. You are "human being" in the truest sense. If other journalist can be as honest and daring as you are, it will bring a resolution to so many problems the world is facing today. Good Job . May God of the "human beings" bless you. If you ever visit new york, I will be pleased if you dine with me and my spouse.
Distateful at its worst…..
Darn. I almost forgot. You are right. Now I will have to meet the maker. Do you think he likes seafood?
Its a good sat-air on our people. But please spare Allah? You can redecule a man (dead) but not the Lord.
good homour and satire. a nice read in fact.
Enjoyed! Mr. Paracha has exceptionally good sense of humor.
Pure gold Nadeem..
Nadeemji, Why don't you publish all your writings in one book. Millions will be sold all over the world. Everyone of them is truly hilarious and brings home the truth. Truly a great fan.
can you please clone yourself and send heaps of your clones to india mr.paracha?oh how i wish our people had some humor and sense nit bloody defensiveness all the time.
Did any body see Osama' dead body!!!!!!!!! If yes let me know the media. If no, then there are questions!!!!!!!!!
ou are like a McBurger.The beauty of McBurger is that it is the most lethal combo of sugar, fat and salt- three things a human body craves for all the time. You NFP, are a combo of wit, knowledge and a fatal journalistic prowess. You are unstoppable. You can turn the slaying of a killer into the most humourous occassion.
brilliant! funny! at the same time conveying a message!
natarajan.
Entertaining
Hilarious…brilliant!
Nadeem you have the pen power to lead your country..get up and lead your country.
Funny!
agree with aslam… you have got to be careful nadeem…. sad but true…
Great piece! Loved it
DID NOT LIKE IT AT ALL… first time i did not like what he wrote.. sorry but it is completely disgraceful and i am not saying because i am his fan but i did not like they way NFP portrayed him..
Highly amusing piece NFP…u rock as always!
LOL. Loved it! *bubble Bubble*
I am an avid reader of your articles. Your writings are always hilarious and at the same time deal with reality rationally. Keep up this good work. I am confident that we will be reading such superb articles from you for the years to come. Best of luck.
this is an hilarious man :
How can fish be infidel?
Look at them! Swimming in the sea, all naked!
i sure real bin laden was like this in her thoughts…..
wonderfully true! Very good article! Hopefully you are not writing out of hatred but out of love for humanity.
Hi NFP,
At least your writing could give some soothing to Paki fellows, who are over stressed by current day circumstances. Your writing is lot mature and this time hilarious. I must say Dawn is a class in itself when I read and compare Indian news papers. Its so sad to see nothing coming positive from other side of Attari border wherever I read. Its time for revolution there like other countries are going through. I don't understand what more you people are waiting for. You are suffering much more than anybody else due to war on terrorism. What I understand is you don't have much choice left among leaders of today so find a someone who can take the mettle and lead your country. I am sure there must be few.
i was not aware any body of that liberal and rational thinking could be in pakistan
"Is this heaven?… No, sir, you are at the bottom of the sea"… Ha ha ha. What a hilarious way to present reality. Outstanding.
Brilliant….Great article… I have never seen one such at any point in any Indian media and dont think in future…Awsome…Fantastic sarcasm, content and humour
Brilliant.
Attempted satire – but totally haywire!! Non sensical! Overdone and overblown! This kind of writing doesn't quite fit the reputation and class of a newspaper like Dawn.
In very bad taste. Shame.
Amazing ! Thank you Nadeem. By the way, I never miss your articles.
made my day! as usual
NFP, nice bit of humor for a truly hilarious event.
Oh dear god, that was a painful read.
If you must attempt humour please google other people's jokes and not make them up yourself.
Your talent is not in comedy.
One laments the fact that in Pakistan, truth is only left to be spoken in the language of satire and innuendo. Hope one day we can all speak it in normal conversation. Great article, keep it up.
Keep writing you are the best. believe me..
Fab Article ! Love the style. God such a refreshing change from all the other stuff that is going around . Salaam from India:)
Humour is a sign of intelligence, and intelligent humour is sheer brilliance. The articles of The Dawn have shown how much liberal and how brilliant people are across the border. I wish we had creative geniuses like Mr Nadeem in India too. Congratulations also for standing up against the misled mob.
Please, grow up… your satire has fallen to the point of intolerance… i could not make it to the end of the column. You should either grow up or start writing scripts for spongebob!
you watch spongebob?
Great article as always Nadeem. Its good to see someone who atleast has a contrarian point of view in this media which is otherwise overrun by extremists and right wingers. These days its easier to be a conspiracy theorist than be a person who sees things the way they are.
great humor nadeem , great writing , you come as a wiff of fresh air in this otherwise stale and controlled media set up. keep it up.
Hilarious…simply brilliant. Article with full of sarcasm and great sense of humor. Take good care of yourself NFP after writing such article.
Love it bro, really funny and true. You should be on tv.
Though i am not a big fan and mostly disagree with confused social things u write but this peace is
Excellent work !!! brilliant work
Awesome!
NFP please come clean. Did you have a hand in scripting 'Tere Bin Laden' too?
God save the infidel fish!
Hilarious! You got killing humor! you get the message across, without getting direct or taking names! That's what I like about your writings. Keep it up man!
Vow……… what an article yaar….. i just loved it……. its so hilarious n funyyyy
Once again great article…man we would like you to be in India..
There was no need to make fun of a dead man. The least you could have done was pondered over whether making fun of somebody's soul (no matter how evil as in Osama's case) is permissible or not in Islam.He is gone-lets forget him and think about what will happen to us when we are no more. Extra-Liberal People like NFP are needed in Pakistan to dilute Extremists.I will settle only for Moderates in my country.
We don't know what will happen when we will no more…why need to think about life after the death. Atleast we need to something good at this timelife, who has seen life after death.
The way OBL use to kill innocent people…horrible man….
Amazing NFP … I adore your writing … you are a genius
All Hail NFP!
Dear Nadeem,
Thanks for this too good and much needed article.
Your fan
Hahhahhahahhahhahah Funny
sarcastic but not very impressive.
Der Nadeem F. Paracha, i a really enjoyed your witty language and it is a realy a gift, hope you can teach some of them how to think and write in wirtty language. In today's world i think very difficult to find people like you, great work sir, India – Maldives
Great Work….. "Yes, but minus the shooting-me-in-the-head part, of course."
Cheap comedy mate… waste of time.
hi
Iam an Indian and had a totally different opinion of your media. thought it biased and filled with hate on India. But i stand corrected after reading this article. Only a mature media will be able to laugh/criticize the leaders at a time like this with impartial thoughts. I bow my head to your article
regards
Wow NFP, you rock. Best article not doubt. I have and I believe scores of others have gotten fed up with all negativity around us. And OBL saga has lot to do with about it.
you know what for last three day i was thinking of something, asking all the tv channels to show, at least for a month, comedy, songs, fun, and all the good things and developments happening in the country and around the world.
Surprising and engaging. We outside of Pakistan do not think of Pakistanis as people with humor and a joy of life. Obviously this starting point has nuance. Pleasing and impressive.
Great work , i bet original osama would be no different
Nadeem F. Paracha,Am so sad,because u didnt born on india,Anyway you are best in truth.
Hi Nadeem,
More power to the "idea" that people like you represent in Pakistan. May Pakistan come out of these tough times and an era of peace and prosperity usher there.
NFP you need to improve my friend
And so does your sense of humour, Jamil.
Well said. I agree
what an awesome article! brilliant. you rock.
When everyone was divided between Osama and Obama in India and in Pakistan your awesome article had a different twist. Hope your humor dispels hatred as light dispels darkness. Great one Mr. Nadeem.
nadeem you are losing your touch. A disappointing piece after a very long time. Poorly exaggerated. The only bit I actually found creative was the fact you caught OBL in the sea. After that the whole conversation is extremely superficial.
You too have a sense of humour:)
LOL ! excellent piece of writing,
I don’t understand why many Pakistani ashamed or upset of his death. They should be ashamed of supporting these guys not for getting rid of them…
Couldn't be more Hilarious..
HAHAHAHAHAH @ KAKUL food service, but still Nadeem to early for people to take it all in a funny manner . Take it easy man..
.. later you could have done better… As ghairat brigade is still waiting for the Hand Outs , they mistakenly got the foreign office ones 
omg that was AWESOME ..
Your are brilliant, Mr. Paracha
Another piece of pointed and stinging satire by NFP. His message is clear: Nations who are taught to worship murderers are their own greatest enemies. Stop looking elsewhere, the enemy is you!
Brave of you to write such a bold piece in such a volatile environment and unpredictable country. Hats of to you …
Truly wonderful and loaded with lot many points to think upon by "Human Beings"……something you missed to ask to Osama was about his opinion about Pakistan and its neighbors….
If you read a little more carefully you'll find that he's answered both those questions as well
shame shame
Brilliant!!
Very Sad. Don't do it.
@Ahmed Saeed
'Very Sad' !! for/at what? Please elaborate. Just curious.
Hi Sir,
i didnt like the way u describe this whole scene..
Sir, honestly, you should quit.
How about you stop reading him and he keeps writing. That way you and we, both are happpy.
I agree with Uzair, That will also be a favour to the world
I agree with MKD
Well i am a bit shocked, the pakistanis are making this as a laughing stock,well don't they realise the world is laughing at Pakistan?Where has your pride gone?You guys have fallen so low.
I wholeheartedly agree with you ZUBAN. What has become of this nation.
Nadeem F. Paracha it is too good
Great article. One of the best articles on Osama in last three days. This sums up all.
Nadeem this was too good but you are taking a huge risk unnecessarily. pls dont tick them off
Hahahah! Too good
Devilishly funny 
You're crazy NFP and I LOVE you for that. Keep on rolling
Execute an unarmed man in front of his children, what will you get? a dead body but no evidence of his crime. However, some people are so insensitive that they can make fun out of that dead body as well.
That 'unarmed man' was responsible of killing thousands of innocent people not only in Pakistan but all over the world. You should read all his statements and watch all his videos that he used to release to get the evidence of his crimes where he propogates hate against innocent people. Did he ever think about the children of those countless people who lost their lives as a result of Al-Qaida? And what is this all nonsense about 'sovereignity? Didn't Osama violate our sovereignity by being in Pakistan? What was a foreigner and a fugitive at that doing in our country? People like you should be ashamed of yourself for still supporting him.
Don't think, Al-Qaida even exists
Well said Shahida… Very true
Great as always…
Very good! Satire at its best directed at everyone -US, Muslims etc. to say that we are first human beings. Forget religion, that is private space. Way to God is thru serving humanity
well, i would love to know who was the anchor that gave massages
"Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are, forget about knowing where I was. What is the Pakistani media saying?"
Classic NFP bhai
lol….hilarious article…..Sir Nadeem i believe you should start your talk show again…we really miss your show
it is hilarious..and i loved "Pakistanis don’t know where they themselves are, forget about knowing where I was" and i m really thinking was his yemeni wife a good cook or not? and did he actually liked biryani ? Great work sir