Samar Wasti’s tragedy and the nation’s disdain
The news first broke on a local television channel and was immediately broadcasted on Twitter. A student of Kinnaird College had been shot dead outside the college by a man who committed suicide on the spot.
Soon enough, various news websites and blogs posted slightly varied versions of the story with one common theme. Samar Wasti, the girl, and Shams Alam, the killer, allegedly “had a relationship”. There were many disturbing comments under each version of the story. Some defended the murderer and put the blame on the victim– she must have led him on. Others termed the incident a result of failure to adhere to the Islamic principle of segregation. Still more claimed this would not have happened if the girl observed purdah (veil) – implying that even if the girl did not know the killer, she was still at fault for enticing him with her uncovered head.
These comments were a clear example of our society’s mindset; it is one which feeds off controversies over social morality and has been conditioned to always blame the female in any story.
Putting the blame on the woman has been ingrained in our subconscious at every level. Wherever one looks, there are overwhelming symbols and narratives grinding the lesson home; the biblical story of innocent Adam enticed by Eve to eat the forbidden fruit; the Islamic idea of women’s beauty being a source of temptation and thus required to be hidden and; the religious-cultural narratives which have made women carriers of family’s honour.
The bottom line is: whether or not Samar knew the murderer is a moot point. Whether she was trying to get out of a relationship or just fending off inappropriate advances of a mentally unhinged man has no bearing on the fact she was wrongfully murdered.
Anyone who harbours any sympathy for the murderer, except to the extent that he probably needed psychiatric help, should introspect in search of a soft spot towards, or a romanticised notion of, abusive personalities translating into emotionally or physically abusive behaviour. It is equivalent to believing that if a woman is raped by a man with whom she was in a relationship, she is to blame for what happened to her.
This phenomenon of blaming the victim is pervasively common everywhere in the world. But whereas developed societies have taken bold, and sometimes controversial, steps in fixing this mentality, we are limping far behind. It is because of this mindset that the most common reaction survivors of sexual violence have is of guilt or shame. Their shame is reflective of the brainwashed mentality which operates on the assumption that if a woman really wants to, it is in her power to avoid sexual violence.
This “men apologists” behaviour of shifting the blame allows us to let men off the hook for what they should be responsible. The free pass of “boys will be boys, girls have to take care” directly or indirectly sanctions their transgressions even before they happen. And horribly enough, it is not only common in the society. The law enforcement apparatus – from police to judiciary – are all products of this vicious mindset which discourages sexual violence survivors from seeking justice. A quick example of this is the interior ministry report in 2010 that torture and rape by police officials increased 60 per cent in the preceding three years. Simultaneously, Karachi-based NGO War Against Rape estimates the conviction rate in reported sexual assault cases is merely two to four per cent.
By allowing this misogynist mindset, we are enabling future rapists and murderers. By turning the debate of the tragedy on Jail Road towards how Samar was also responsible for her murder, we are telling some impressionable boy sitting on his computer or watching television that when a girl says no, at whatever point preceding or during a relationship, it just means try harder. Ultimately we are teaching our boys to make girls submit to their desires by dominance and power, instead of mutually respectful relationship.
Is this the kind of world we want our children to grow up in?
How long will it be before we fully accept, in absolute terms, that Shams and only Shams was responsible for his actions without any provision of “buts” or “ifs”? How long before we realise it’s time for a change and actually go about seeking or causing it?
It is up to each one of us to ensure the environment in our homes is not complicit in encouraging this attitude. It is up to the entertainment channels to stop romanticising jilted lovers seeking revenge, censor physical abuse, and portray a healthier power balance among sexes. It is up to the parents to be vigilant what sociological patterns their children are picking up from their surroundings, be it a school or a playground. Only by such concentrated efforts can we stop one sex from being continually victimised, and save the other from this megalomaniac complex which supposedly grants it ownership of women.
Bushra S is an editor based in Lahore and can be found conversing on twitter here.
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
Sorry sis, its a very radical feminist article. Samra was a poor victim, and no one should sympathize the killer. God knows whether she was in a relationship or not or if he was just a simple stalker who took this big step.
What you are forgetting is that its not that he got a one way ticket to hell for killing her only, he was upgraded to business class for killing himself as well. This case shows the wrong development of our society, not some male chauvinistic approach towards women.
When a person ends his/her own life, that is the extreme level of frustration or hatred for himself. He was a physocpath !
Unfortunately, articles like these tend to result in Islam being blamed and give a very biased view of the society. The main culprits are materialism and our so called entertainment channels.
I know a very close case in my family where a boy tried to seriously kill himself over a very 'innocent' girl. Everyone blamed the guy for being crazy and all that, but my family ladies discovered later that it was the girl who was considered to be the innocent and 'veiled' was pushing him for marriage before he got broke.
I would suggest you to rather put special focus on the government, the financial conditions, the entertainment channels, the family brought ups and of course arms control.
I am a single brother of 3 very best sisters and I have never seen my parents give me royal treatment. I agree with you on that it starts from the home.
Thank you for your comment. And kudos to your parents for raising gender neutral family.
You slightly misunderstood my argument in the post. It was people's comments much more than the case which showed the misogynist trend. I had the misfortune of going through pages and pages of comments by people sympathising with Shams.
In this society we kill women for honour. We have legislated to make it almost impossible for rapists to get convicted, and much easier for rape survivors to be penalised. To take revenge from our enemies, we target the women. And these are all extreme examples. Im not yet quoting every day brutality women go through. You can not say with a straight face that ours is not a misogynistic society.
I talked about the narrative both in bible and in islam. Up to you to pick how this makes islam looks bad. And if it does, then maybe Muslims should start practising the true spirit of this religion instead of calling on others to not question the incorrect practices.
Lastly, if bringing this mentality out in the open makes me a radical feminist, then so be it.
Men can understand this. Whether they had a sexual relationship or not, if she didn't want him no one else would have her. He probably scared her. What ever relationship he wanted she was not ready for.
That is one of the dangers of passion. Better to bake bread, make chicken soup and have no passion.
Studies show that there is substantial evidence that family orientation and genetic factors
highly contribute to the risk for suicidal behavior
It is a perennial and universal problem, the idea of making a plan for suicide is
petrifying but still on a daily basis hundreds of people plan this act. The risks involved in
attempting suicide are terrifying and often lethal but many still determine to commit such an act.
Many people at some times in their lives think irrationally and consider committing suicide.
These people endure crises and perceive their dilemma as inescapable and feel compelled to
commit the act because death is viewed as the permanent and only solution for loss and hurt.
Murder of a human being cannot be justified wether girl or a boy. The analysis would have been more pragmatic had it been on the reasons of the incident rather than a feminist article.
Bushra I tend to agree with you on the general mindset. I do not not first hand information on this case, hence I wouldn't like to comment. Nevertheless, things should be generalised. It is a fact the ALLAH has created an attraction between the different sexes for the 'aazmaesh' hence the order for women to be covered. Denial of the same would tentamount to saying that attraction between the different poles of the magnet are signs of a sick mindset
Let's try another tack. Let all the males (including you and I) cover up, so we will have resolved the matter, entirely to your satisfaction?
Allah has indeed created an attraction between the sexes and made it an ‘azmaish’ as you put it. But this attraction needs to resisted and anyone who cannot to the extent to murdering/assaulting/raping the object of attraction is unquestionably SICK! And Allah has indeed as ked women to cover up but that doesn’t shift the entire responsibility of maintain respectful relations between the two sexes to women. The Quran teaches BOTH men and women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. There is a well known incident where a woman came to ask the Prophet (SAW) something. She wasn’t covered properly (her face and/or head was uncovered I think) and one of the companions of the Prophet (SAW) looked at her. The Prophet (SAW) instead of saying anything to the women turned the face of the companion. Both men and women are responsible for maintaining propriety.
After reading the article, I am convinced that few good minds are left in the society. Even the Western people are starting to know the importance of purdah.