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Everyone has ‘that’ friend. You know, the one you hang out with despite their arrogance stemming from total obliviousness. It’s fun hearing them boast, speak with authority on things they know nothing about and make themselves the hero of every story they tell.
But not every country has ‘that’ minister. Well, maybe Uganda did at one point. If Rehman Malik wasn’t the interior minister he could have been beloved like a Lalu Prasad Yadav. Who doesn’t love a man who after being roundly criticised for getting Surah Ikhlas wrong, proceeds to leave out parts of bismillahir rahmanir rahim on another occasion.
Malik also goes to great lengths to explain why problems don’t fall into his domain. On PNS Mehran he was possibly speaking of aliens with costumes borrowed from the Star Wars wardrobe. Suparco, our space agency, really should have been more vigilant. On Karachi’s violence he would have preferred it if Asma Jehangir or Hina Jillani had gone all Power Rangers on the errant female lovers he claimed were behind the majority of targeted killings.
You’ve also got to love how he flinches when there is ceremonial fire at an armed forces event. But that is not to suggest he lacks courage. He is a man who will never succumb to pressure, which is why he resolutely refuses to learn from his mistakes. On that he is, at the very least, consistent.
Malik represents the egalitarianism of Pakistan, one that few countries can emulate. Never shall lack of ability hold someone back from getting a PhD. And there is a method to his madness; he believes it’s better to say something than wait for the facts to come in. He rushed to take credit after the Marriot bombing by insisting he saved the president from going there.
Really now, who doesn’t believe he is Pakistan’s loose-lipped Yoda? Mangled sentences, they are.
— Fasi Zaka is a columnist
