Hey Auntie,

You see I am an 18-year-old girl doing Mass Communication. I am into lots of extracurricular activities. The problem is that I am in love with this guy who is an actor and we have been in a relationship for a while now. The thing is that he does not have time for me, as he is always on shoots. He manages to squeeze me into everything that he does the whole day (that is what he says).

But I feel that, that is not enough. I need his time as I am a busy person too, but am always there for him. He only has shoots while I have regular guitar classes, my band to jam with and my studies. I get home from uni at almost 5 o’ clock, after which I have to rush for guitar classes and then the jam room. I get really tired but I still don’t sleep before I talk to him. He, on the other hand, doesn’t call me before he sleeps. However whenever I am with him, he treats me like a princess, opens up doors for me, pulls out chairs, holds my hand while going down the stairs and treats me as if I am the only girl for him in front of his friends. He changed my relationship status on Facebook, but says he can’t change his, which is frustrating. Girls post on his wall and comment on his photos in a lovey dovey way and whenever I ask him about them, he says you can message them and tell them that you are my girl. He says I have to put up with his routine because once we get married it will be a problem if I do not understand his routine. I am really confused. Please tell me, am I being fussy or is there seriously something fishy going on.

GF

Dear Celebrity GF

I can’t say whether something fishy is going on, but given that your boyfriend is an actor, I am not surprised at the way this relationship is panning out. I suggest that you make the effort to go with your boyfriend to a shoot and see how things are done. For all the glamour we see onscreen, actors often end up working in the toughest of conditions at the weirdest of times. And yes, many get unwanted attention from the opposite sex. Often while the actor is shooting his scene, there may be long intervals when he is unable to take or make calls. He or she may well shoot late into the night and if there are reshoots it may mess up any previous plans they may have. It’s a tough job and not easy on girlfriends and spouses.

Contrast his crazy timings with your life where guitar classes have a time as do the jam sessions and you’ll know why you are having all these problems.

As for his relationship status on FB, he may want to be considered single because that adds to his appeal as an actor. It’s complicated and you two really need to talk about this and come to some kind of understanding if you want the relationship to last. It cannot be a ‘normal’ relationship, say the kind that your parents had but if you want it to last you need to come to some kind of compromise peppered with a lot of trust. If it is really important that you hear from him once a day you could ask him to text you or leave a message in your inbox whenever he gets the time.

One good sign that your bf is serious about you is how he is taking you to meet his friends and isn’t hiding you from the world.

Dear Buaji,

I am studying to become a doctor. I decided to become a doctor early on in life and my parents were quite happy with my decision since my father is also a doctor. However, before I joined medical college I had taken a history course when I was in America in school. I feel that history is my first love and in whatever little spare time I get I read history books. I now find that I am losing interest in medicine and want to do a degree in history. I used to top in my history class.

The problem is when I told my parents that I want to do a degree in history I was told that that was just not possible. They keep asking me what job I will get with a degree in history. They think I will end up starving or on the road.

I don’t want to be a doctor anymore but don’t know how to convince my parents.

Not-a-Doctor

Dear Historian,

Yours is a tough path. To leave a professional degree and opt for a degree in history is a brave step. The strongest argument in your favour that Auntie can think of is that no one wants to go to a doctor who is not interested in his work. The medical profession demands great commitment and if you are not interested you will only make a bad doctor who will probably not get very far in the profession.

On the other hand, it is also a little outmoded to have limiting beliefs such as a degree in history will leave you penniless. It won’t, especially if the subject excites you so much. The rule of the thumb is that if you do something that excites you, you will make your way in the world.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com