With Battleship, it feels like summer is finally here. This season, too, is fueled by big event/franchise films armed to the teeth with action sequences and formulaic plots, and stuffed with a bucket-load of dry one-liners.

Battleship starts with an explanation on how in the year 2005, Nasa had sent a signal to a Goldilocks planet (a planet theorised to expect life close to what we have on Earth). At the same time, we meet the long-haired and aimless Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch). He is the younger brother to Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård), a no-nonsense navy officer.

Alex, like a true half-wit film hero gets the lady, Sam (Brooklyn Decker), a Burrito by breaking into a store and ends up caught by the law. His brother then lands him in the US Navy. We then jump to the present, where Alex is still a troublemaker and very much in love with Sam. He intends to ask her hand in marriage from her Father, Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson). The problem is that the latter can’t stand the sight of him.

Alex along with his brother and natural nemesis, Japanese Captain Nagata and Petty Officer Raikes (Tadanobu Asano and Rihanna in her spunky debut), are sent on a multinational naval exercise in Hawaii. In midst of all this, UFOs enter Earth’s atmosphere and drop into the ocean (naturally they have heard our signal, and decided to plunder our resources, Stephen Hawking believes). Once resurfacing from the ocean, they form an impenetrable barrier. Stranded within are three destroyers and a battleship.

Battleship is written by the brother duo of Erich and Jon Hoeber (Red) and they have structured their story like a Bruckheimer film. Their formula is a simple one: build up the characters, give way to action, tie it up with small bursts of comic releases and let it all go for the grand finale. What else can you expect from a film based on a board game whose rules are to blow the other contestant’s ship out of the water.

Director Peter Berg (Hancock) plays the film in Michael Bay mode, cutting it sharp and keeping it fast in an effort to jump over the plot holes. His accomplices Steve Jablonsky (who composed the film’s electric score) and Tobias A. Schliessler (the cinematographer) help him get that Top Gun charm.

Battleship is a product by the toy giant Hasbro, who after the colossal success of Transformers, have learned how to make generic blockbusters look good. So it was understandable when Battleship doesn’t show any logic.

Released by Universal and Footprint Entertainment, Battleship is rated PG-13. A lot of ships and motorways bite the dust. — Farheen Jawaid