Principle political standpoints in Al-Absurdistan
The United Nations is a puppet in the hands of the United States and its job is to clean up the mess created by super powers. The UNSC resolution 1368 gave the US and Nato a killing license in Al-Afghanistan; and the Indians are using the soil of Afghanistan to encircle Al-Absurdistan. But … Al-Absurdistan wants to resolve the Kashmir issue according to the UNSC resolution 47 of the United Nations.
We shall protest against the killings of the Rohingya Muslims of Burma and call OIC to take notices of injustice to Rohingya Muslims, Palestinians, Chechens, Kashmiris, Afghans and Uighurs. But … condemning the killing of Shias in Al-Absurdistan is projecting a negative image of Al-Absurdistan.
Al-Absurdistan believes in the right of self-determination for Kashmiris in India and their right to govern themselves by the plebiscite under the UN resolution. But … when Bengalis wanted self-determination to break up with Al-Absurdistan, they were agents of India. And now Balochistan, demanding separation from Al-Absurdistan, is obviously the agent of India.
When Christians were living in the Dark Ages, Muslims progressed in all fields of Science. The Western world learned everything from Muslim scientists, scholars and inventors. The word Chemistry is derived from the Arabic word ‘Chemia’, But … Western education taught in Al-Absurdistan is a conspiracy against Muslims, being used to enslave the children of Al-Absurdistan.
The last time America came to Afghanistan to help our jihadi boys to defeat Russia, we wanted her to stay and keep sending dollars, arms and visas to jihadis. Americans betrayed Al-Absurdistan and ran away from Afghanistan leaving us in a lurch. This time the Americans want to stay and keep their bases in Afghanistan. But … this time we don’t want them to stay.
Christians during the Dark Ages burnt coffee beans and attacked coffee shops in Paris as coffee was considered a Muslim drink and they thought that Christians were being enslaved by Islamic education. They burnt the books of Ibn Rushd and Arabic was banned in universities. But … we want to ban their language and cola drinks because, you guessed it, they are enslaving Muslims.
NGOs that receive foreign aid from Western countries (who fund human rights, child education, women rights), bring a Western agenda into Al-Absurdistan. But … NGOs that take foreign aid from Eastern countries (who fund sectarian and jihadi outfits) does not bring a Eastern agenda into Al-Absurdistan.
Communist Russians are atheist who are against Islam and are trying to reach warm waters. They were defeated in Afghanistan. But … China is our eternal friend and we built Gwader with their help to provide access to warm waters.
European tourists who come to Al-Absurdistan shall wear shalwar kameez, should not drink or kiss in public as that would hurt the sensibilities of Al-Absurdistanis. But … a ban on the veil in Europe is against human rights and symbolic of Islamophobia in the West.
For the last 65 year, 3 lac Muslims go to Hajj annually, 2 million attend the Raiwind congregation every year, 35 thousand madrassahs impart religious education to thousands of students. Mosques, television, Friday prayer, milads, and our school textbooks all speak of the teachings of Islam to our students. But … the current mess in Al-Absurdistan is because we have left the teachings of Islam.
The presidential immunity is against Islam, because all are equal in Islam and the rulers are answerable to all. But … the Contempt of Court law is against the constitution.
Al-Absurdistan was created in the name of Islam and according to the Objective Resolution, all laws contrary to Islam can not be implemented. It’s the duty of public office holders to implement the Islamic law and punishments in Al-Absurdistan. But … since Jihad is a private matter, it can not be left to an un-Islamic government to declare it.
The author left architecture for painting but ended up as a cartoonist and now writes Hijjo. He is the jack of all trades.
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
why such satire is not published in Urdu / Sindhi news papers ?
“A ban on the veil in Europe is against human rights and symbolic of Islamophobia in the West.”
We like to see our women. Girl watching is an Olympic sport in Italy.
My hats off to Dawn and the writers of these beautiful and eye opening articles. My only complain is that your censorship is too harsh at times . May be you have some compelling internal reasons which I appreciate. Please keep educating the people and help them know the truth.
The writer must respect at least name of our beloved country. He should stop writing Pakistan as Al-Absurdistan. Two wrongs do not make one right; nobody can justify the killing of Muslim sect, neither killing of Muslims any where in the world. The blogger seems to justify the killing of Muslim elsewhere in the world, because Shia Muslims are killed in Pakistan
No, just saying that it’s hypocricy.
author detest killing of humans.But my dear siddiqui you only bother about muslim killing this is the root of all problem
“Principle political standpoints in Al-Absurdistan” or “Principal political standpoints in Pakistan”.
Actually, if you ponder at matters intently, we are a principle-free lot. Ethics and morality has forsaken us. So please correct the caption.
It is quite negative that only Shia’s people are killed in Pakistan. Every innocent person is being killed everyday irrespective of any religion or faith. It is a conspiracy against Pakistan where unknown terrorists are looting or killing every citizen without asking whether he is Shia or Sunny, Rich or Poor. On the other hand, bureacracy, political leaders, army, rangers, top police and elite class are enjoying irrespective of their religion. Elite class is never bothered to help the needy, instead they even cut the smallest salaries of their employees. They are just barbarians, not Shia or Sunny.
In the bulls eye
Translating the article in Urdu or any other local common dialect can drive the arrow home. People who can read this may not be the ones who support and instigate bad stuff. and worst part is they probably are a minority in this country. U need to reach the common masses. Hope ur country comes out of this chaotic situation and blessed with progress, peace and security.
Appreciate the article. As a Nation, It has become customary not to face “TROOOOOOOOOOTH”
nice article in all, except two points ” “should not drink or kiss in public” and “a ban on the veil in Europe”. Drinking is prohibited since the drinker may go out of his senses and destory public peace, whereas Veil is totally a personal act. Whether one wears it or not, does not harm any one.
Knowledge & enlightenment are the means to progress,which will lighten the lamps of peace & harmony,will reduce fanaticism & inculcate tolerance.Preach only tolerance & majority of your problems will disappear.Every religion is superior in its own way & no one religion is supreme.Simply understand this.
Bingo…nailed it
Bitter reality
Sabir Nazar, your rock man. An excellent satire – very original.
Forgot Syrian Muslims who are been massacred.
yar if the govt is not protesting then y to blame jihadis
Wow!!!
it’s awesome. My compliments Mr. Sabir.
As an Indian; I really feel a need of a news paper like Dawn in India and very courageous columnists such as your self. I think India could really use some level headed people like you.
To the Pakistani people; the very handful of people that try to bring facts to your views are considered traitors/not religious/ etc and their message is labeled as ‘self loathing’
But there is a huge difference in ‘self loathing’ and introspection.