Being a parent not only means being physically responsible for your offspring; you also hold their soft as clay minds in your fingers to mould as you see fit. Both a father and mother play pivotal but startlingly different roles in their child’s life.

Two ends of a spectrum seem to exist these days when it comes to the advice parents give to children; and that disparity becomes more apparent depending on whom the advice is being given — to a male child or a female. Here is a look at what some mommies had to say about what they teach their girls and how their own moms kept them ‘in line.’

“My mom was very strict and extremely vigilant. I had male cousins living in my house and I was instructed to stay away from them. Having a strict mother did not shatter my confidence; it made me a careful person. Yet I thought I should raise my daughters differently as times have changed and unnecessary restrictions make children hide things. I gave my daughters the liberty to mingle with their class fellows as they studied in a co-education institution, though I did insist they mingle in groups. Of course they were given a list of dos and don’ts. My upbringing has made them confident and ready to face challenges of life,” says Deena, a teacher and parent of two young adults.

“People often criticise my tough-love approach towards parenting. I am not the kind of mother who’ll freak out if she’s sees her child stumble on the sidewalk. My daughter knows that if she falls she has to get up herself and learn to be more careful next time! I am a strong believer that when men misbehave with women on the streets, it’s their mothers who are to blame, and women who can’t stand up for themselves — you’ll find lots of them crying in empty office boardrooms — are a product of their fathers’ overprotective upbringing, ” believes Sharon.

On the other end of the scale, comes this opinion: “Girls are precious and need to be taught to be careful. The problem that girls face these days is an identity crisis; their mothers want them to be confident and forward but they face a barrage of criticism for dressing and behaving in a forward manner. When I, in my abaya, walk out on the street, all men avert their eyes and since the age of six I have made my daughter wear a head scarf for the same reason. She is confident but in the proper way. Boys are easier to raise because you do not need to take so much care with them,” responds a mother who does not wish to have her name printed for all to read.

She has two children and the way they behave is evidence of the difference in their upbringing. The boy is carefree and chatty while the girl perpetually looks down. She speaks in monotones and is not allowed to play with the rest of the children in the area. One wonders what logic the parents apply when explaining this injustice to her and how it may affect future generations.

Another mother tackles the question more diplomatically, “My daughter studies in a co-ed institute and I have never forced my way of dressing on her. I have only recently started wearing an abaya in public and hope that one day, through my example, she will follow. If she decides she doesn’t want to then I will explain to her why it is important that we keep ourselves safe from strange eyes.”

This lady, who also does not want to be named, obviously accepts the double standard as a reality of life, and wants her daughter to accept it as well. “There is a marked difference in attitudes when it comes to girls and boys, no matter how educated you are. When your daughter grows older she is expected to behave in a certain way that commands dignity and respect. She has to run a household eventually and needs to know how to balance her duties and her ambitions. Before she feels the pinch of disappointment it is better to tell her the truth and show her that her place is special in life,” says this practical mother.

The question is, do we need to ‘protect’ our girls to such an extent that they grow up to be reticent, under confident, naïve beings? Is it not our job to inform them of our harsh experiences so that they learn from our failures? Why do mothers insist on portraying themselves as holier than thou deities? Wouldn’t our children feel more comfortable coming to us knowing that even we were human and made our share of mistakes? And why are girls expected to be more obedient than boys? Why can’t we talk to them about relationships and love and feelings rather than brush them under the rug like a dirty secret? Is it religion that hinders us from discussion or is it our culture?

We have come a long way from Jane Austen and Emily Bronte and it is now time to show our girls a better path than the one that has them wilting like flowers. If we are flora, let it be a cactus. One that pricks anyone who means it harm.