AS the world was canvassing for putting up Malala Yusufzai as a nominee for the Noble Peace Prize, the ever-sharp cyber sleuths of Pakistan were spending hours drawing intricate diagrams and theories about the shooting of this 14-year-old school girl from Swat by the Taliban.

As emotional fools were asking TIME magazine to put Malala on its front cover as the ‘Person of the Year’, the sleuths were laying down scientific theocracies, I mean, theories that used complex quantum physics, ballistic math, advanced biology and good ol’ Adobe Photoshop to prove that the wounded girl was not shot at all.

It was a CIA ploy, you see.  Malala was an agent whose shooting was staged by the CIA so that her example could be used by the Americans to increase their drone attacks on the liberation fighters struggling against American imperialism, the tyranny of the Pakistan army, the infidelity of politicians, and, most of all, against polio drops.

Yes, Malala Yusufzai might have become a hero to millions of young (mostly non-Muslim) girls and women across the civilised world, but in what is arguably the most cultured, educated, brave and vocal bastion of Islam, Pakistan, she largely remains to be either a CIA-funded fraud, or a figment of the imagination of those unfortunate young women who had been allowed to go to school or were given polio drops in their childhood.

Whereas the real ‘daughter of the nation’, Dr. Aafia Siddiqui, was jailed by American imperialists for attempting to kill an American soldier with a snatched firearm, Malala lies comfortably on a cushy bed at a UK hospital for carrying the most dangerous weapon there can be for a gullible Pakistani girl: The school book.