For all those who think they can train us like dogs, let me meow all I can about the fact that we are totally different beings. We don’t wag our tails at people, we don’t come running every time our names are called. We are cats and cats we will remain till the end of the world.

We can come to you when you call us if we feel up to it, be taught to not join you at the table by sitting right next to your dinner plate and we can learn that the toilet is not all over the house.

We do follow a certain path of discipline in our feline lives and can be trained not to bite, scratch and claw. We can be encouraged to behave well with food rewards like a delicious meal or a tasty treat. A gentle “good kitty” or a little scratch behind the ears is quite nice too.

A good play session is a reward too. We are in the mood to play when we run at full speed from one end of the house to another, ignoring lamps, photo frames and other breakable stuff. This is when we feel so energetic, we think we can beat Lance Armstrong in Tour de France! Enough about rewards, let me tell you what we can do for you. Avoid giving scraps of food on the floor and always feed your kitty in its dish.

Flat dishes like saucers for wet food and slightly deeper dishes for kibbles, water and milk are fine with us. My friend Pixie, a fussy little Tonkinese pulls chicken pieces out on the floor because her dish is too small and deep and she doesn’t want to make her pretty face messy by dipping her nose in it.

We are also very particular about our toilets. We only use the rug in the living room or the kitchen floor or go behind the fridge for our business, to tell you that the toilet is damp, stinks and you have not been cleaning it. Litter should be regularly changed. It should smell nice, be clean and dry.

Our ancestors in the jungles must have dug holes in soft earth and hid what we did because other beasts can follow a smell trail that could lead them to us and you know how big animals can eat smaller ones in the food chain!

Now if you catch us doing something naughty you must stop us with a stern “No”, which immediately tells us that this activity is not appreciated. Yelling at the top of your voice will only scare and confuse us, I mean look at your size and look at ours!

If you don’t want us to jump up on a surface where perhaps food or delicate items are kept, two-sided sticky tape works wonders because we don’t like our paws to stick to anything.

Some cats also enjoy going for walks in a harness or a leash but have to be eased into wearing one, trained properly and must be happy with the whole routine — not forced into it.

For the naughtiest and the most stubborn among us, you can use a water spray. A little spurt is good enough, please don’t make us wet because water getting into our ears is very dangerous for our balancing system (will tell you details another day).

Spraying and chasing can become a game for the madder among us. So really being firm and gentle are key words to control us. If we want doors opened for us we generally go and sit there, sometimes stare or glare for quicker response and if the door is held open for us, we walk out or in.

Now someone is calling me so I’m going to pretend to be asleep.  i