I’m sure everyone knows that there was never such a thing as terrorism in this country and it still doesn’t exist. Actually, it’s a rumour spread by the US government that they are fighting the war against terror alongside us. Terrorism is something we have never nurtured in our clean land and God willing, it shall never be seen here. These are merely international conspiracies to discredit us so that we don’t receive foreign investments, thus further weakening our economy so that we do not prosper.

God has given us every resource and luxury. Nature benevolently bestowed her bounties upon us. Tell me one thing we don’t have. From mountains, rivers, deserts and the sea to forests and wilderness, everything is a part of our pak sarzameen. The only problem we have is a little bit of unrest, which everyone makes such a fuss over. If anyone’s spreading terrorism, it’s America. Their drone attacks have made our simple, peace-loving people terror-struck. America claims to fight the war on terror but spreads terrorism itself. We are peace-loving people, who try to spread peace everywhere and prefer a peaceful life wherever we are.

You know our religion preaches peace. But if some of our people have begun to walk the path of unrest, we should still listen to what they have to say as they are our blood too. If we don’t all sit down together and listen to what they have to say and resolve our problems, the unrest in the country will continue unabated. And frankly, the unrest isn’t going to suit anyone, neither us, nor them. Loss is the only gain to be had.

Elections are just round the corner and our Mian Sahab has gathered all the peace-lovers under his umbrella. Punjab is in his hands, along with a few of our unrest-spreading brothers, who are prohibited from spreading unrest in Punjab but free to do whatever they want in the rest of the country. What do our Sharifs of the Takht Lahore have to do with it? When they realised that the entire nation was pointing fingers at them, they just took Malik Ishaq Sahab into their protection.

Our Sindh’s nationalists, progressives, socialist, class activists and the old Leaguers have all come together under the umbrella. They can only side with a personality like that of Mian Sahab’s. Even the angry Baloch nationalists have begun to trust Mian Sahab and found shelter in this all encompassing umbrella. Whether they are from Pakhtunkhwa or Karachi, everyone has reached a consensus on the point that the country isn’t plagued with terrorism but just unrest, which can be resolved through dialogue. That’s the only way to resolve the unrest.

All the parties made a good decision to hold a jirga for resolving the matter, as well as excluding women from the talks. Their job is to look after the house anyway; conflict resolution is a man’s job. We can easily resolve it through negotiations. In fact, these women should be kept under our feet. What do they have to do with the affairs of the state? If these people bring women into our talks, we shan’t talk to them. But Mian Sahab and his old and new friends turned out to be clever. They kept their women limited to their houses and we hope that they’ll continue to cooperate with us in this matter. We, men, are enough to establish and maintain peace. It’s more than enough if women could manage the domestic affairs smoothly.

Thanks to Mian Sahab’s cooperation, those who had previously blamed us for spreading terrorism have now reached a consensus on calling it unrest. These educated ones are more educated than necessary. Peace is a good thing anyway but why has it been prefixed with ‘un’, I can’t imagine. Peace can’t be bad; I wonder who invented this warped logic. But what does it matter? Whether we understand something or not, whatever interpretation is made, at least we got rid of this terrorism. Peaceful and noble people like us were being classed as terrorists for no reason whatsoever.

When floods happen or an earthquake occurs, either you see us or our Pak Army for rescue and aid efforts. The rest are busy in their politics. If only they get some respite from pulling each others’ legs, then they might have some time to focus on the nation’s troubles. We’ve arranged for education and are also responsible for the public’s employment. There are several charity hospitals offering medical care. We feed millions every day. Allah gives to everyone and we’re just the resource. You know exactly how well we discharge our duties.

If only these political parties trusted us a bit, the unrest in Pakistan could be stopped completely. However, we require certain guarantees in return. But for God’s sake, first send these women back to their original places. Their job is to stay at home and focus on the domestic affairs and bring up their children as well as possible. After God, their second priority should be their allegorical god. When women go outside, they spread vices in society, which leads our youth astray. We don’t like that at all. And who else can run this country better than us men? We shall defend our country and maintain justice and stability. It’s our responsibility to defend our country after the Pak Army. We defend both the ideological and geographical borders of Pakistan. Whenever the nation called us, we remained at the forefront every time.

Please talk to us at the earliest possible opportunity so that the unrest can be stopped as soon as possible. The elections are round the corner and any elections held without considering our wishes shall be deemed unacceptable. The leaders can’t even fathom the extent of the unrest that will follow. The political parties seem to have an idea of it, especially the Sharifs of Takht Lahore, Khan Sahab or even our Maulana Sahab whose presence keeps the corridors of power lively.

This country’s real owners are on our side, if only to a certain extent, and shall always remain so. However, they have this habit of avoiding us in front of everyone. If the politicians step forward and open up the path to negotiations, then they thank the God in their hearts because the unrest wasn’t helping them either – or maybe it was, but how should we know? In any case, whatever we know is enough for us. Now please join us in praying that our dear country is rid of this menace. Amen!

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