Dear Aunty, My girlfriend is 19 and I am 20. She keeps putting up display pictures of herself on Facebook. Especially the ones in which she is looking very pretty. I don’t like the fact that she puts those pictures up because I feel she is just trying to seek peoples’ attention. I don’t like people looking at her very much. I know it might be fun getting people’s likes and comments saying that “Oh you’re so beautiful”, but it annoys me very much that people are looking at ‘my girlfriend’. Pictures are a kind of a personal thing and I think that those pretty pictures of hers are for only me to see. I want to be the only one telling her that she’s beautiful, not the whole world. Please tell me what I should do? I don’t want to confront her in the wrong way. I don’t want to say something stupid to her and make her upset. Any response from you would be highly appreciated. Really confused

Dear Possessive, Ok so your girlfriend is loving the attention her pretty pics keep getting from people other than you and it is really, really beginning to bother you. Hey if you have a pretty girlfriend you should be ready for the fact that many will tell her how pretty she is. And everyone enjoys being told that now, don’t they? So whether it is the real world or the virtual one, you really can’t stop people from complimenting anyone. Despite what the media may be telling you, when it comes to giving and receiving compliments, it is pretty much a free world.

Few people, if any, enjoy putting up unflattering display pictures or leaving that place blank so to expect your girlfriend to do so is unreasonable. Is she really overdoing it? Or are you overreacting? Since it is truly bothering you, you need to tell her how you feel. Please remember you cannot expect her to remove all her pics or to stop putting up pretty pics, if that is her natural inclination. Secondly, to expect to be the only man who will set appreciative eyes on her is not only unreasonable but also unrealistic unless your girlfriend does purdah.

So talk to her and when you do, don’t outright accuse her of soliciting attention. Just tell her you are uncomfortable and then try to come to some kind of agreement, a middle path that both of you can live with.

If that doesn’t look like it is happening then you may want to rethink the relationship.

Dear Appi, I am 21 years old and doing my Masters. My problem is that I have very low decision-making power. Once I take a decision, I am not able to stick to it and keep changing it. First I spend a lot of time thinking over the pros and cons of my decision and when I decide to take a decision I start fearing what will happen, whether it is the wrong decision or whether it does or does not go in my favour. This over-thinking leads me nowhere. My parents never impose their will on us (me and my siblings). They always say, ‘Do whatever you want in your life, take decisions on your own and learn from them.’ Although I appreciate and own those decisions which prove good for me, I can’t stop blaming myself if things go wrong. Rethinker

Dear Free, It seems you get stuck in the analysis phase when dealing with a problem. Try writing out the problem and the outcome you are looking for. For instance when taking decisions about your career, instead of writing ‘It’s difficult to break into the pharmaceutical industry,’ rephrase and say ‘I want a satisfying job in the pharmaceutical industry.’ Then think about the steps you can take that will take you there, such as improving your skills and networking. This technique should help you focus on the future, rather than dwelling on the previous interviews you may have messed up or the ‘wrong’ courses you may have taken in the past.

However, if you cannot help but rehash what went wrong in the past, try reinterpreting the negative situation in the past, without placing the blame on yourself. To continue with the previous example, were there some aspects of the interview that went well? Could the interviewer be having a bad day? Is there something that the ‘wrong course’ taught you which could prove useful in the pharma industry?

So challenge the accuracy of your thoughts.

Distract yourself. But not by watching a mindless (ok I know it is funny!) episode of Bulbulay. Try instead to engage in some physical activity that involves you mentally and socially. So go for a walk in the park with a friend or play some table tennis. A board game will also do, but avoid, avoid, avoid dwelling with your friend on the problem. Yup, revisiting and constantly dissecting will send you back down that spiral known as depression.

So police your thoughts. Notice what you are thinking and let your thought go without you responding to them. Let the thoughts pass you by. You could train yourself by meditating (no this isn’t some New Age balderdash! It really works). Finally be patient with yourself. Persist with all of the above and you should feel a difference. In case you are feeling really stuck, go see a therapist.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com