June 29, 2008

About a quarter of a century’s teaching career has interfaced me with many interesting, intriguing and, at times, shocking and irritating experiences with children. It encompasses almost everything between home and school. It includes things like strange schemas, likes and dislikes about almost every sphere of life and habits — wholesome and otherwise.

But what concerns me the most is the children’s insalubrious tendency to lie and that too with an alarming frequency. This, I think, is the concern of every conscious and conscientious parent and teacher alike.

Although some of the experts identify it as a normal part of development in many cases, this behaviour can be very upsetting for the subject’s parents. “This unhealthy trend is at the root of many evils leading to juvenile delinquency,” most of them are convinced.

In my dual role as a parent and a teacher, I have always discussed this issue with the parents and my colleagues in a problem-solving spirit, and not a punitive one. And this approach in a majority of the cases produced fruitful results while improving the situation.

Today, casting my net a little wider, I venture to share my list of children’s rationale for lying with a larger audience for reasons known to everyone of us.

But before digging into the reasons for lying, a word of warning … not only for the children but for us adults as well, who in majority of instances are responsible for bringing on the conditions where children either are obliged or urged to resort to lying as well. Both partakers must watch their step and play their roles to ensure and maintain lie-free situations.

Let’s survey now some of the top states and situations that oblige, urge, entice or allure children into lying:

Fear of punishment: This is one of the biggest causes of lying at home and at school alike. The nature of both places is such that punishment in various forms in case of inappropriate behaviour or misunderstanding on the part of the adult in charge of the situation is inevitable.

Hence being aware of the rules of the game, children resort to lying in order to avoid the unpleasant consequences of whatever they did which they know was wrong.

Follow suit: This is quite a common phenomenon in families where lying is taken for granted; hence kids are urged to practice it owing to the adults’ attitude towards it. Some glaring examples can be noticed in situations where the young ones are instructed to misinform a visitor about a family member’s absence.

Steer clear of trouble: In circumstances when they sense that their righteousness may land them right into the heart of trouble, children refrain from acting uprightly while showing indifference. For example, when a class quarrel was reported to me, I called forward one student to validate the claims of the students involved.

He apologetically pretended no knowledge of the matter in order to avoid breaking up with the accused party. His reasons could be not getting siblings, classmates, etc., into more trouble and coming out with a shield of lies the moment they find their loved ones in trouble out of love, loyalty and care.

Getting what is on their wish list: “I am in terrible need of a 1 GB USB,” a son informed his father, “for my final term IT project.”

The device was provided. But just after two days, the USB was found packed with entertainment stuff upon the father’s random check.

Avoiding what they abhor: Javed malingered to be absent from the school again. Taking it on face value, that too once again, his parents reported the same to the school. Not long after, to their shock and dismay, he was seen playing cricket with his gardener and cook.

An inquiry into the matter revealed his strong aversion of mathematics, and since he hadn’t done his math homework, he didn’t want to go to school.

The subject teacher, during a meeting with the parents, came out clear about Javed’s areas requiring development in the subject. As a matter of fact these areas were mostly connected to his being away from school so often. This is just only one example in this context. You would probably have myriad around you.

Self-esteem: In their game of one-upmanship, children do claim of great performances in a previous school or having met a celebrity, etc.

Bragging: Exaggeration of family wealth, status and social connections to outdo peers is again a common observation both at home and at school.

Reaction to unjustifiable restrictions: “By the time I return, you must finish this novel,” warned Mother before leaving for her grocery trip. Baffled at the assignment, poor Maryam didn’t know what to do but resort to the ploy of reporting task accomplishment, though the opposite was true. The inappropriate expectations of parents was once again at the root of the child’s lying.

Guarding privacy: As children grow, they consider most parental and teacher inquiries intrusive. Intrusions like, “Where were you?” met answers such as “Nowhere!”

The children see this as an infringement of their privacy; hence the only way out in their minds is lying about everything asked.

The following lines validate St John’s words: “… and you know that no lie comes from the truth.” (1 St John 2:21). Children would hardly lie or shield behind something if they are not forced to do so.

On the flip side of the matter, “Dear sons and daughters, please never resort to lying because ‘… a lying mouth destroys the soul. (The Wisdom of King Solomon 1: 11)’”.

The writer is director of the Catholic Centre of Academic Excellence, Hyderabad