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Some Pakistanis mock the whole idea of hidden or foreign hands in most political disasters and ills that this unfortunate country has experienced in the last many decades.
In spite of the fact that hidden hands are pretty obvious in stirring up trouble in Pakistan (so that this strategically placed Islamic atomic power would shatter and wither), sceptics have always asked for evidence.
Where is the evidence, they ask? All the troubles in Pakistan are because of us and us alone. How naïve, negative and defeatist is their attitude. Always quick to blame their own innocent and well-meaning, hard-working and muscular people.
They do not realise that by doing this they too might have become unknowing puppets in the hands of hidden/foreign hands.
Well, the true patriots know on an instinctive level that hidden hands have always been behind a number of tragedies and destructive episodes in Pakistan.
And alas, some of these patriots, after decades of research and hard work, have finally managed to unearth some very telling evidence.
Dawn.com is proud to be one of the first websites with whom some of these unearthed evidences were shared. And here we share them with you …
Jinnah’s 12 August, 1947 speech
Liberals love waving Jinnah’s speech that he made at the Constituent Assembly on the 12th of August, 1947.
They point out the following portion of the speech to supposedly prove that Jinnah wanted a progressive and democratic Muslim state instead of an Islamic one:
“You are free; you are free to go to your temples, you are free to go to your mosques or to any other place of worship in this State of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion or caste or creed that has nothing to do with the business of the State.”
Well, fresh evidence has now appeared that suggests that this portion of the speech was altered by some liberal editors working for English newspapers when the text of the speech arrived at their offices to be published in the next day’s newspapers.
The most glaring evidence is in the shape of an old 1947 photo of a little American girl posing with a typewriter on which a Pakistani editor (possibly an early US agent) had altered the speech.
The girl, Jane, is the daughter of the editor’s American wife, Joan, and behind the photo the editor has scribbled the actual text of that portion of the speech that he then altered.
According to the notes written by the editor behind the photo, the following is what Jinnah actually said:
“You are free; preferably Sunni. Free to go to your mosques, free to go to your madressahs or to any other place you want to take over and build a mosque or madressah on in this Super Islamic Caliphate of Pakistan. You are only allowed to belong to just one creed that has absolutely, unquestionably, undeniably everything to do with the business of the State. All else is treachery.”
The 1971 break-up of Pakistan
Our media and some historians insist that Pakistan lost its eastern wing (former East Pakistan) because of the way people of the country’s western wing (former West Pakistan) treated the Bengalis of East Pakistan.
They believe that the Bengalis were treated unfairly, were oppressed and not given their democratic rights, in spite of the fact that they were the majority ethnic group in Pakistan.
Yes, it is correct that a few foolish Pakistanis did look down upon the Bengalis, but the majority of those residing in West Pakistan actually considered the Bengalis to be innocent, honest fish-eating villagers that were in need of the West Pakistanis’ superior intelligence, charm and social, political and economic acumen. And most Bengalis knew that and were very appreciative.
Then between 1970 and 1971 when India began meddling in the affairs of Pakistan and started to fund Bengali nationalists, the world was told (by the nationalists) that the Bengalis wanted their own independent country.
However, recently, some historians belonging to the General Niazi Institute of Historical Studies have discovered pages from the Hamoodur Rehman Report that went missing during the Z A. Bhutto regime (1972-77).
The report documented an inquiry conducted by Justice Hamood into the reasons behind Pakistan’s defeat in the 1971 Indo-Pak war and the subsequent separation of East Pakistan. But some pages of the report had vanished.
It is not known who extracted the pages from the document but they contain some startling revelations about the war and the East Pakistan debacle.
For example, according to these pages, not only were most Bengali nationalists Indians posing as East Pakistanis, the founder of Bangladesh (former East Pakistan), Shiekh Mujeebur Rehman, too was an Indian national.
At college in Kolkata, he was recruited by the Communist Party of India (CPI) and asked to change his name and religion and settle in what became East Pakistan in 1947.
The party wanted him to pose as a Muslim and recruit other influential Bengali Muslims to the party’s cause. But Chakraborty (who had changed his name to Mujeebur Rehman), quit the party after falling in love and marrying a Chinese waitress who had escaped Mao Tse Tung’s revolution in China in 1949.
The woman, whose real name is unknown, took on a Muslim name and introduced Mujeeb to the pleasures of jazz music, beat poetry and chicken corn soup.
It was during this period that Mujeeb bumped into an Indian jazz saxophonist, Deepak Deepak, at a jazz club in a village in East Pakistan.
According to the report, Deepak Deepak was actually an Indian agent sent to East Pakistan to recruit Mujeeb, his Chinese wife and the couple’s children.
In a recruiting ceremony held at a Hindu temple in the East Pakistani city of Dhaka, Mujeeb and his wife declared their allegiance to the Indian government and to Hinduism, and vowed to help India break Pakistan. However, he refused to share his wife’s chicken corn soup recipe with the Indians. Hehe.
Many pages of the Hamood report are still missing, but the ones that were discovered also mention how Mujeeb’s party, the Awami League, manipulated the 1970 election results - an election that many believed were swept by Awami League in East Pakistan but were actually won by the Jamat-i-Islami.
The report offers two photographs to prove this …
The newly unearthed pages of the report also mention Abdul Kadir Mulla, the Jamat leader who was recently hanged by the government of Haseena Wajid - Mujeeb’s daughter (real name, Shakuntali Ramparkash). He was accused for committing acts of murder and rape against Bengali nationalists in 1971.
The truth is that Kadir, who was a college student at the time, was not a murderer or rapist. He was only active in stopping Awami League from converting East Pakistanis to Hinduism, secularism, Marxism, liberalism and post-modernism.
Pakistan’s current Interior Minister, Chaudhry Nisar, also confirmed this, as tears rolled down his rose cheeks and bombs went off in Peshawar, Fata and Rawalpindi, but he rightly ignored this and concentrated on the more important issue of condemning the hanging of a convicted killer and rapist in another country.
A photo clipped to one of the discovered pages of the Hamood report shows Kadir Mulla slaughtering a cow that he suspected of being an Indian agent.
It was this crime that got him into trouble with the Awami League and then hanged after 40 years.
The July 1977 Military Coup against Z A. Bhutto
On 5 July 1977 the elected government of Z A. Bhutto was toppled in a military coup masterminded by General Ziaul Haq.
Most political historians are of the view that the Pakistan military had become weary of Bhutto’s polarizing policies and his insulting attitude towards the military.
There are also those who have accused Ziaul Haq of being a cunningly ambitious and conniving character who on the behest of the Americans toppled Bhutto because the Americans were angry at Bhutto for initiating Pakistan’s nuclear program.
Last November, a former member of the PPP (name withheld on request) cautiously produced a photograph that that he took during Bhutto’s talks with Indian Prime Minister, Indra Gandhi, in Simla in 1974.
The photo that was never made public shows Bhutto shaking Indra’s hand and is surrounded by his daughter Benazir and some Indian and Pakistani diplomats.
However, one of these people in the photo is famous pop star and icon, John Lennon! According to the former member of the PPP, he is slowly making this photo public now because he wants to tell the real reason behind the military coup against Bhutto.
He told our reporter: ‘Bhutto was toppled because he was about to dismantle the nuclear program that he himself had started.’
The reason?
‘He was a huge John Lennon fan,’ the former PPP member told our reporter. He added: ‘Bhutto had secretly invited Lennon to Pakistan on a number of occasions. Lennon was a committed pacifist and one day while performing one of his most famous hits, ‘All we need is Love,’ for Bhutto in Larkana, Lennon urged Bhutto to dismantle Pakistan’s nuclear program because it would be ‘a groovy thing to do, like far out, man.’
In January 1977 Bhutto finally agreed to heed Lennon’s advice and was about to announce the dismantling of Pakistan’s then nascent nuclear program when General Ziaul Haq stepped in and removed Bhutto in a military coup.
Thinking Zia to be loyal, Bhutto had not kept Lennon’s trips to Pakistan a secret from him. In fact, according to the former PPP member, Zia, a conservative Muslim, could often be seen discussing politics, the mysteries of the cosmos and Yoko Ono’s hair style with Lennon. He also gifted Lennon copies of books authored by founder of Jamat-i-Islami Abul Ala Maududi that Lennon found to be groovy and, like, far out, man.
The former PPP member also claims that though the world thinks that a mentally disturbed young American assassinated Lennon in New York in 1980, he was actually shot dead by a member of the Al-Zulfikar – the left-wing urban guerrilla organisation that Bhutto’s son, Murtaza Bhutto, had formed after Zia executed Bhutto through a sham trial in April 1979.
‘Murtaza was informed that Lennon was about to tell the Rolling Stone magazine that he had convinced Bhutto to stop Pakistan’s nuclear program,’ the PPP member explained. ‘So Murtaza used Al-Zulfikar and got Lennon killed to stop him from outing the secret.’
When Dawn.com contacted Lennon’s killer, Mark Chapman, (who is still in jail) for a comment on the above claim, he said: ‘Yes. I was hired by Ali Baba of Al-Jazeero. I am glad the truth is now coming out. The Martians will be mighty pleased.’
Ziaul Haq’s demise
Our exclusive discussion with John Lennon’s assassin, Mark Chapman, also revealed some interesting insights into the death of General Ziaul Haq.
Haq, who had ruled Pakistan as a military dictator for 11 years, died in a plane crash on 18 August, 1988.
Much has been commented about the crash. Most analysts agree that there was a bomb that went off while Zia’s plane was in the air, but they differ about the identity of the culprit.
Some suggest that the bomb was placed by the American CIA thwart after using Zia wanted to eliminate him; while some analysts believe that it was the Soviet KGB who was behind Zia’s death.
There are also those who claim that Al-Zulfikar got the bomb planted in the plane.
Famous security analyst and equally famous patriot, Ahlmo Qureshi, has requested the Pakistani media not to dismiss Chapman’s claims as those of a nut’s.
Qureshi, who was once close to another famous security analyst, TV personality, revolutionary and Twitter handler, Zard Hamid, wrote in a recent article of his: ‘The truth is always dismissed as a conspiracy theory. This is one such truth. No bomb killed Shaheed Zia. It was the Martians working on the behest of CIA, KGB, RAW, Al-Zulfikar, Mossad and Hollywood.’
Qureshi went on to produce a draft of a 1988 discussion between an alien race and CIA, KGB, RAW, Al-Zulfikar and Mossad. The discussion took place at a secret Nasa station in the Amazon.
Though the draft just contains millions of numbers and digits, it was recently decoded by the Vice Chancellor of the Punjab University (a brilliant physicist).
He is the same man who revealed that the Americans have put computer chips in our brains to hear our thoughts and control our behaviour.
Though much of the media had dismissed the claims, it began to show greater interest when Qureshi produced a picture taken by an American satellite of Zia’s crash.
The photo was taken moments before the crash and shows an unidentified flying object near Zia’s plane.
Qureshi adds that this is the same flying object that was later used by the American CIA to develop drones that have killed millions upon millions Pakistani Muslims. He texted this to us while on his way to New York for a vacation.
OBL’s capture
Almost two years ago Osama bin Laden was supposedly killed by the American Special Forces in a compound in the Pakistani city of Abbottabad.
But fresh evidence is now emerging that suggests that there was no Osama in that compound. The Americans killed a look-alike of Osama. The real Osama died of gall-bladder failure in a bush in Sudan in 2002.
What’s more, OBL’s wives who were supposedly captured from the Abbottabad compound too were look-alikes, and so were his children. They were all look-alikes.
This was claimed by famous Pakistani TV anchor and investigative journalist, Mobstere.
But it doesn’t stop here. Mobstere further claims that Pakistanis know that the news about Osama’s death from gall-bladder ailment in Sudan in 2002 is also suspected.
That guy too was a look-alike. Thus, one can now safely suggest that the guy they killed in Abbottabad in 2011 was actually a look-alike of a look-alike.
So when did Osama die if not in 2002 and/or 2011?
According to a famous investigative scholar, Arya Stark Maqbool, who interviewed Osama in Kandahar in 1998, Osama was actually dead at the time of the interview.
Arya said that that the man he talked to was actually a person called Al-Yamni, an expert Osama-look-alike who told him (off the record) that Osama actually died in 1991 of malaria in the jungles of the Republic of Congo. He also showed him a photograph in which Osama is seen trying to blend in with the ways and people of Congo.
Nevertheless, Arya adds that there is every likelihood that the Congo guy was an Osama look-alike as well.
So, in other words, the guy who the Americans claimed to have killed in Abbottabad was really a look-alike of a look-alike of a look-alike of a look-alike.
Mobstere agrees. He says that the actual truth is that there was never an Osama at all. He was never born. It was all an American concoction.
Arya, who is also an expert on history, weighs in by suggesting that the character of Osama Bin Laden was first conceived by America’s 15th President James Buchannan in 1859 when, along with the Queen of England, he decided to begin a crusade against the Muslims of Mughal India.
Arya points out that according to one of the most famous historians of Pakistan, late Nasim Hijazee, the British monarchy had accused a man called Osama Bin for financing and instigating the 1857 Indian Mutiny against the British imperialists.
The Americans and the British then claimed to have suppressed the mutiny by killing Osama Bin in a daring raid. He was said to have been hiding in a compound near the palace of the last Mughal king, Bahadur Shah Zafar.
Zafar had denied the accusations, saying that no such man was seen on his radar. The British exiled Zafar to Burma and destroyed the radar, saying there is no such thing as a radar.
Arya added: ‘The man the British claimed was Zafar was not exiled to Burma. He was only a look-alike. The real Zafar died of fever in Guatemala where he had gone to raise an army against the British and study plants. Famous author, Tariq Ali, confirmed this.
According to Tariq Ali, the Americans had originally planned to use OBL as a bogey to invade Canada, but changed their plans and decided to invade Afghanistan after they got jealous of all the amazing and unprecedented economic, cultural and military progress taking place in Afghanistan (under the Taliban) and in Pakistan (under handsome military men).
Thus, not surprisingly, the 9/11 episode happened. We all know who was responsible. Not a single Jew died in that attack.
Neither did any Hindus, Christians, Sikhs, animists and pagans. Only Muslims died.
New evidence is finally proving that there was never any Osama Bin Laden. Just like there is no Mullah Omar, no Taliban, no al Qaeda. They’re all American concoctions. There’s only Coca-Cola, the real thing.
Tariq Ali and Mobstere claim that we don’t hear about it because the Jewish controlled media and GeoTV blocked all news about the Soviet Union. That is because the Afghan and Arab mujahideen who fought against it, liberated Afghanistan and then conquered Soviet Union, turning it into an Islamic caliphate. That’s why America’s next target will be Valdimir Putin (real name Abdul something).
So, if one day you hear that Americans have assassinated Putin, don’t believe it. The real Putin died of a kidney ailment in 1045 AD.
Handsome Pakistani politician Imran Khan says that regarding the OBL raid, the Army is not to be blamed. The radar that failed to pick up American helicopters on May 2 was not a radar. It was a look-alike of the real thing that the Americans didn’t give us.
He’s now planning a dharna against this outrage.
DISCLAIMER: The above article is a work of satire and fiction and in no way attempts to depict events in real life.
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com. He is also the author of two books on the social history of Pakistan, End of the Past and The Pakistan Anti-Hero.
He tweets @NadeemfParacha
