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"You’re going to New York?! I am so jealous."
"You are so lucky."
"Three months in the United states? Wow!"
These were some of the excited reactions I received, as I planned my three month-long, purely work trip to the US.
I tried to explain that it was purely for educational purposes, but they wouldn't stop screaming in delight at how lucky I was. For the people around me, it was a dream come true; a dream full of fascination and glory.
Despite the hoopla and fuss, I landed in New York with minimal expectations; just a hidden corner in my heart bustling with a tourist's excitement to witness the city.
After a long ordeal at the airport, tired and exhausted, I finally arrived at the small room that I had rented for the month. I will skip details of the room’s demeanour. At that point, I was happy enough to have a place where I could rest my head. I was already missing Karachi and my own comfortable bed.
The next day, I set out to find my workplace with a fresh resolve and motivation in my heart. As I stepped into the train, the mic announced:
“Dear customers, your safety is our primary concern…”.
My heart swelled with relief. This was a welcome change.
“…please beware of pickpockets as you ride the MTA vehicle. Have a safe journey!”
My heart skipped a beat. A dream come true indeed, but maybe my worst one?
After much ado, I got off the train, walked for miles towards and within subways, to finally discover that I was lost. Frustrated and tired, I took a taxi which cost me a good 50 dollars to reach the hospital. Ouch. I badly missed the auto-rickshaw I took from right under my home to take me wherever in the city I wanted, all for under Rs 200, if haggled right.
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Then came work, where, on my first day, I felt like an outsider among a sea of unknown faces. I felt my miniscule existence crumbling in the vast galaxy of stars. I was a nobody. I felt like I had a long month of struggle ahead to prove myself.
The people here are friendly and nice, but a certain and very large amount of different. I sensed I had to bridge a huge gap before I could fit in. I wasn’t looking forward to it. But, I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
Finally, after a day of arduous mental exertion of desiring approval, I went home to find an empty fridge. 'Oh, let's order McDonalds,' my mind buzzed in relief. 'Wait. It’s not halal,' my subconscious nudged.
Distraught and hungry, I finally grabbed a bag of open chips from the plane and decided to hit the sack. Mouth-watering images of my mum’s home-cooked food tortured my mind.
I had had enough for the day. I missed Pakistan. And this was just the first day.
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Things moved on. Progress was made. New York was glorious with tall buildings and diverse individuals. I became part of their robotic cult, waking up at six in the morning; going to work; coming back; eating whatever was available; having lots of coke and going to sleep.
Life here took a different dimension altogether. There was no maid to do your chores, you had to mop the floors yourself. There was no fast-food joint at every corner of the city, and you had to travel for miles to find a semi-decent place. For someone like me who wrote strong feminist blogs on how men in Pakistan are scary and keep ogling you, a ride on the NY subway after the sunset was reason enough to redefine the word scary itself.
My entire month was a toned down reflection of my first day; the search for halal food, the desire to fit in, the outsider tag, the long arduous walks and the torturous pangs of missing home. All this was – is my life. The struggle still continues.
For others, I may have been living a tourist's dream. But truth be told, I felt like Jamshaid of Jackson Heights – lured into the glitter of a jewel only to find out it was not real.
I could completely identify with Jamshaid's struggle of a desi with big dreams; dreams that take you to their end only for you to realise that there is no place like where you started from.
See: Love and longing in 'Jackson Heights'
I guess it won't be so bad after a while when things ease out, friends are made, and halal food finds its way through. But that doesn’t change the fact that when it comes to luxury and quality of life, there is no place like Pakistan, no place like home!
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—Photos by author
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Saba Fatima Ali is a doctor by profession, writing and public speaking being her passion second in line to medicine.
She tweets at @SabaFatimaAli.
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On DawnNews
Comments (54) Closed
May 25, 2015 10:33am
Thanks for sharing your experience, but let me say that if you were not expecting these problems before landing in New York then you were not thinking straight.
Settling in new place is always challenging, getting out of your own nest is always demanding. It is a tough journey but journey which is well worth the effort.
I do not understand why you felt scary in subways of New York, probably you were comparing driving in DHA with riding Subway, You should have compared riding local bus in Karachi with riding Subway in New York.
Nonetheless, It was an interesting read.
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May 25, 2015 10:43am
People dream for materialistic world but in reality that world does not give peace of mind and relaxation. For every expatriate foreign country remains alien state for long and one has to bear loss of family, friends and social circle until gradually one finds some friends and food places. But there is no place like ones real home. I wish Pakistani remained safe state for every Pakistani irrespective of sect, ethnicity, religion and social status..Unfortunately that's not the case hence people are forced to leave their homes.
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May 25, 2015 10:46am
@ Saba Fatima Ali
Plz spread the truth...
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May 25, 2015 11:11am
The author should have highlighted the benefits of learning abroad.
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May 25, 2015 11:30am
I am happy to learn that I am not the only one who missed rakshas. You don't miss rakshas once you understand subway routes.
Almost all food stalls in New York streets are halal. You probably missed the halal signs on them. They are every where in New York. Finding halal food is super easy in both NYC and London.
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May 25, 2015 11:43am
Its just the way how You present things. Im from Quetta now In Karachi im going through all this even after 6 years could not fit in, could not make friends I miss Quetta I miss my friends there I miss my home, but that doesn't mean I start blaming Khi and highlight only negativities, I agree I cant use my expensive phone on the street, but every place has their own goodness and bad. I studied in London I miss their underground train and frankly The Ardous Walks, better then jump in the car and stop in front of your office and be fatty, where you have to take out the time for a walk to maintain yourself but you cant take the time out. for people of Quetta Karachi's life is fast paced and robotic. As I said it all depends what and how you are willing to present things.
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May 25, 2015 11:54am
I don't know where in New York she is talking about. Halal food is available all over Manhattan -- do some google search. For fast food try some halal food cart which are everywhere.
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May 25, 2015 11:57am
How someone can miss those halal gyro carts in every corner of Manhattan?
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May 25, 2015 12:04pm
thank you for writing up this and yeah there is no place like Pakistan!
all of my siblings are abroad and busy in their robotic life :):)
as society our real life problem that we wanted american/Canadian passport than settle in gulf state in the search of islamic society and halal stuff for kids and finally wanted to make a one big family house in Pakistan... wallah habibi
its my 8th month straight from out of Pakistan and Inshallah will going back soon.
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May 25, 2015 12:16pm
Living in a competitive environment should be blessing for anyone. Pakistan may be a better place for delicious dishes,friends who spend time with you without caring about their own future,etc but the quality of life is missing if seen from other angles____competition,human rights standards,work ethics,societal behavior ,etc. Those who go abroad for learning should bring back such jewels(work ethics,etc.) home rather than developing sense of superiority based on things which do not matter for long term.
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May 25, 2015 12:23pm
At least you acknowledge that you are unfit and that's progress.
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May 25, 2015 12:39pm
No place like Home....No place Like Pakistan......Dil Dil Pakistan
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May 25, 2015 12:42pm
I am sorry you had to spend 3 months without "luxuries" of Pakistan(nokars, illegal, food stalls, personal vehicle, etc.)
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May 25, 2015 12:55pm
'no fast-food joint at every corner of the city,' which NY did you go to ? Also, there are tons of halal places, in Queens & Brooklyn especially.
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May 25, 2015 12:58pm
@ Saba - I was in New York for whole of March on business trip as well and this was my third trip to US. I totally understand your concerns and your points are too valid. Life in US is not what your relatives / friends tell you. Actually they misguide you most of time. Its very tough, very robotic and every thing there revolves around $$$'s. Although I do understand that there are many issues living in Pakistan as well but life there is more difficult.
Once again, very nicely written.
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May 25, 2015 01:02pm
@Viking
Yeah.........that's why majority of people are trying to flee the country by hook or by crook.
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May 25, 2015 01:31pm
interesting read! I completely agree with the difficulties you faced at the new place but change is always uncomfortable, that's how us human beings are designed. getting out of the comfort zone is always difficult. Having lived in several different countries I still spend first few months completely lost and feeling like an alien. Hope you learnt lots of good things to take back home.
I agree with COMMON SENSE, compare the Subway with Pakistan's local buses!
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May 25, 2015 01:38pm
@saz yes I whole heartedly agree with you..may ur wishes come true..amen..
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May 25, 2015 01:41pm
@Viking indeed
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May 25, 2015 02:24pm
So True, 100% True.
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May 25, 2015 02:41pm
Reality bites, but the author has effectively sugar coated it. Thanks for a such a beautiful story
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May 25, 2015 03:18pm
Maybe it is just me but she just seemed to whine about everything. Also, finding halal food in NYC is extremely easy and there are restaurants, fast food places, and cafes on almost every block.
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May 25, 2015 03:43pm
All those who want halal meat, please go back to your home. No place here.
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May 25, 2015 03:44pm
Could not understand...if NY /USA is so bad why millions of pakisthanis are desperate to migrate to USA by any possible/impossible means?
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May 25, 2015 03:49pm
Well, writer expressing early days feeling,. After two three years, she would be used to all this and home feeling would fade away .
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May 25, 2015 04:22pm
Welcome to my city...
also, now you resident Pakistanis realize how difficult it is to live away from your country and make a new life for yourself.
All the Pakistanis back home think it's a cake walk living in the US...
we work incredibly hard to get where we are, we never get free checks here
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May 25, 2015 04:23pm
Saba.you did an excellent job highlighting the struggles people face when they come to US.most of people in Pakistan believe that as soon as you land at the airport ; you suddenly become rich and world is in your pocket. It's not true . You have to work hard, prove yourself here . You can't rely on your family law support here . If you are not hard working , system will screen you out quickly .
I just want to say that there is no place like Pakistan and I'm saying this after spending 10 years in USA . I had the similar difficulties when I arrived in US as physician but then I settled down and enjoyed the American Dream but this was at the cost of sacrifice of relationships . I didnot see my family for years . It was a struggle here to settle . I just want to speard this message across that it's not bed of roses here as they say there is no free lunch in U.S. You can't imagine the struggle if you live in Pakistan where you have driver , maid, cook . Was an interesting read though
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May 25, 2015 04:44pm
Moving out of comforts of home is always bothersome, but nevertheless it is worth doing it. It is worth for the experience , exposure in a new country like US and a new city like New York. It is fairly easy to manage in New York. At least you see so many people on the road. It is fairly cosmopolitan and it used to receiving different communities from different countries. (My friend in Kansas told me that he would drive half an hour on a highway would not see another car) I ended up staying 2 years in New York alone. Initial teething problems settled within a week when I got to know about desired food, public transportation system and specific way to behave so that you get adjusted in the work culture. After that it was still not easy but loneliness can be dealt with concentration on work , reading and by making friend which happens gradually. But at the end of 2 years when I returned I was enriched with the experience and thought it was worth it. All the best for rest of you stay.
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May 25, 2015 05:15pm
This was just my experience in USA , I visited many cities for a short time , bugged by black drug dealers giving you scary looks , the first day I landed in USA when I went out to buy a sim card to call home. The experiences are good and bad , but quality of life in Pakistan is one of the best in the world.
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May 25, 2015 06:30pm
When you live at parents home you can say "luxury and quality of life, there is no place like Pakistan, no place like home!". Its ridiculous to even compare Pakistan to US, luxury for a few in Pakistan is equivalent to mediocre in US. Pakistan is Pakistan with all its good and bad and same is US. No need to compare the two.
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May 25, 2015 06:57pm
1. McDonalds, Burger King, and other fast foods also serve fish sandwiches!!
2. There are many vegetarian options all over the place. Try South Indian food.
2. A quick scan through http://www.zabihah.com would have helped her locate a halal restaurant.
3. An email to http://www.appna.org would have her helped her better manage her work expectations in NYC & USA. She could have networked with other doctors.
4. In US, you can be yourself and people admire you for that.
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May 25, 2015 07:11pm
I am afraid that you are being a little unfair. Just reverse the scene and imagine how an American would fare in Karachi?
There are many many Pakistani families in New York and New Jersey who would have loved to host you and ease your "newness" angst. I wish you would have done some research ahead of time.
America and Americans are extremely friendly but please keep an open mind.
Pakistani American.
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May 25, 2015 07:45pm
In New York city, you should definitely find a lot of Halal places. Most desi groceries have them too. Yes, nothing is as comforting as what one grows up with, but nothing teaches us more than experiencing a paradigm shift. :-)
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May 25, 2015 08:05pm
Interesting article but I think the writer has presented the picture a bit more dramatically than it actually is about the transport and finding halal food. The standard of living is far more superior in USA or Western Europe than it is in Pakistan. I am not sure if you own your own home, car and the maids are paid from your own salary but generally at an age people are still studying in Pakistan they live in their parents home who spent 20-30 years of their life to build it and pay for all those facilities and amenities so it all looks so easy and cheap. Oh yes people in America do have maid who come in and work for a few hours ( And they charge per hour for every hour worked and not for sitting around and doing nothing as in Pakistan). And the quality of their work is that they clean the house without constantly being supervised the whole day which normally your mother would be doing in Pakistan, every day!!!
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May 25, 2015 09:07pm
It's a Joke, and not even close to the truth.
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May 25, 2015 09:21pm
Karachi would be a lovely place to live if "peace" returns to this city. Research has shown that participative leadership is needed in all governmental organizations in Karachi. This would lead to more cooperation, more productivity, lower grievance, stress and depression.
PEACE IN ACTION should be on the minds of all Pakistanis living in Pakistan today. Any person or individual disrupting peace should be isolated and quarantined.
Is this too complicated to understand?
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May 25, 2015 09:30pm
@Khuram what is Rakshas?
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May 25, 2015 10:16pm
NYC is the most expensive and overcrowded city in America - that overcrowding has developed a culture that many find rude. Most American's like to visit but would never consider living there - especially anyone from the West who are used to open space, low cost, low crime and friendly people.
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May 25, 2015 10:43pm
Me also going NY this Thursday ;)
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May 25, 2015 11:07pm
Its True i love your blog no place like khi when you have friends to hang out at any time ,your cousins and family member was there to take care of.but when the time comes to full fill your dream so you take a decision for your future so we left all the things and memorize our good days with us and left karachi..i love your bolg cuz i am student and enjoyed my life with friends ,uni friends..and the time is near when i ll also forward to abroad for exam..so its time need all the thing ..with time you settle IA :)
But you still feels all the things its great.
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May 25, 2015 11:28pm
@Farishta - I guess he means rickshaws!
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May 25, 2015 11:42pm
And what is the point. Internet changed the world, any one can find anything from anywhere. I have met many people who come to usa for any purpose, have everything well planned. They know the intersection, transportation, food places, mosque, grocery stores, housing. Sometimes I feel they know more than I do. When I moved to usa , believe me I had no clue but I had no problem either. Common sense work most of the time. I must say our middle class has spoiled a lot.
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May 26, 2015 12:22am
She has expressed what many pakistanis say when abroad. They long for home. Home is where the heart is, and it is in pakistan.
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May 26, 2015 01:55am
Very Nicely expressed Saba! I lived in the USA for 10 years as well and although my thought process did not progress identically to yours but I can relate to it. Relate I can since I am living in Lahore with "maids, cars, parents," finding cooked food on the table and washed clothes in the cupboard. It is important for people in Pakistan to understand that life in the US is not what they think it is. There are no shortcuts there. Success in the west, if achieved properly, comes at a high cost in terms of health, psychological well being, time, and relationships!
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May 26, 2015 07:21am
To be honest the author problem seems to be a home sickness. In USA New York is the only place with majority of Halal restaurants,
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May 26, 2015 08:07am
You were just going through the phases associated with home sickness and settling in a new country. Give it some time, you will find it's a fabulous place to live.
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May 26, 2015 09:01am
Good Read. I had gone through same experience and fully agree with your assertion that their no place like home. Keeping on writing more stories.
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May 26, 2015 09:04am
Very good analysis and eyeopening account for those who are waiting their dream come true for American Visa.
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May 26, 2015 09:16am
How could you miss the chicken and rice guys in Manhattan. Best halal food in whole NYC. Jackson heights itself is full of desi restaurants
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May 26, 2015 09:40am
very intresting
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May 26, 2015 09:56am
I love NY. Don't know why you had such difficulties. It's funny people think New Yorkers are rude but that is not the case. Stop someone and ask them directions, good eateries and they are more than helpful. You just need to ask! If you are still lost, please let me know and I can connect you to some great individuals who will be more than willing to help you figure things out.
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May 26, 2015 10:10am
Dr Saba, believe me u should not take tax, take subway with map and travel cheaply or use day pass unlimited travel, no pickpocket, crime more safer than Pakistani cities, halal food you will find every where. If USA give visa to Pakistani, there you will not find any Pakistani in Pakistan.
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May 26, 2015 10:15am
When you feel hungry again, you can try McDonald filet o fish burger or whataburger Catch. I think fish is always halal to eat so why to be hungry in midst of big citY.
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May 26, 2015 05:43pm
I totally agree vth ur point.. its like a fantasy when u never had a chance to visit such places but once one see with own eyes all balloons are pricked...,,.., life in Pakistan iz beautiful.... there are some rough edges which we have to smooth nd shine for us and for our generations to come....
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