An extraordinary and astonishingly courageous young survivor of the APS Peshawar terrorist attack, Muhammad Waleed Khan shares his trauma, healing and dreams with us.

One of the most critically injured in the attack, 14-year-old Waleed received a total of eight bullets — six on his face! Losing his upper jaw, cheek and teeth, Waleed has spent almost six months in the hospital and has undergone numerous surgeries both here and in the UK. There are more reconstructive surgeries to follow.

One year on, Waleed shares some pages of the diary he has started writing since the incident, his way of dealing with the trauma he is going through.

On December 16, I woke up as usual. As I was getting ready for school, I felt as if something was going to happen. I was not feeling well.

My mom told me that don’t go to school but I told her that I was alright, but I felt something different was going to happen, something different than usual. As I was leaving for school, my mom gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

At school all of us friends sat together, we were happy together and always will be.

Our first lesson was of chemistry. Next was the biology lesson and in that we all went to the auditorium. A lecture on first aid was going to take place there, given by an army officer.

When we were half way through the lecture, I heard a loud deafening sound! Maybe it was a firecracker or an army drill going on nearby….

I and my friends became afraid. But then a thought flashed through my mind, “Am I not a brave boy like dad?”

I told myself, “Yes. I am brave like my dad.”

By this time I had already guessed that the sound was not of a firecracker.

Our teacher tried to calm us down but I knew it was the noise of a gun firing. Then I heard heavy footsteps heading towards the auditorium.

My teacher shut the door and locked it. Someone had reached the door and when he found it locked, he started to break it.

I was a proctor so I was standing near the stage. All the students hid under their chairs, hoping everything would be alright.

When an inhuman creature broke the door and came in, many questions started to flash through my mind. I wondered, ‘Is he human? What is he here for? Was he going to kill us?’

I thought it was impossible. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing.

Many other cruel men also entered the auditorium. There were glaring at us, with their cold and cruel eyes. Then they aimed their guns at us and one of them shot me on the face.

I was crying not because I was afraid, but because I thought I was going to be no more in this world … I was going very far from my mother, my family and my friends.

Then they again shot me on the face, hand and leg. Those beasts pulled my class fellows from under the chairs and shot them.

‘Was he insane?’

The souls of my friends and all the sweet memories I had with them were going away somewhere. The memories I had with my family were going somewhere in the sky.

The whole auditorium was covered with a red coloured liquid. I wished it was ink, the ink which my teachers used to check our work. I knew it was blood.

I shouted loudly and recited the Kalima Shahadat. I thought it was the last day of my life; I would never meet my mother again. I will never meet my dad again. I will never play games with my brothers. I will never hug mum again — all these thoughts were coming in my mind and tears were coming out of my eyes.

I was in a lot of pain. Then again the coldblooded beast looked at me and walked towards me. But I was not afraid. Yes I wasn’t.

He kicked me on my chest, but I was bold. I knew I was going to the place where my friend’s soul went.

For the last time, I wanted to be with my mum, I wanted to climb on my dad’s shoulders as I did when I was younger. All the memories and the time I spent with my parents, siblings and friends were playing as flashbacks in my mind.

Wow! Those golden memories… I closed my eyes.

If Allah Wills, no one can harm anyone. The Saviour is more potent than the destroyer.

Those coldblooded beasts went outside the auditorium, they moved towards the college wing. It was a chance for all the students who were alive to run outside the auditorium and save themselves.

I was in a lot of pain, I saw all the students who had survived the attack trying to run outside the auditorium towards the school wing. I was shouting for help but no one helped me. Everyone was in a big trauma.

Then at last I decided to stand by myself. I decided that I will not die so easily. I will stay alive! I will fight till my last breath! I will never give up!

I tried to stand on my feet but I couldn’t because my leg also had a bullet. But Allah gave me the strength and I tried again and again to stand up.

As I started heading towards the school wing, I was falling down and standing up again and again. When I was near the library, I put my hand on one of the student’s shoulder to get some support, but everyone was in trauma and when he pushed me, I fell down on the floor. The students were then running over me.

When I was left alone, I stood up again and started to move towards the school wing. I went to a class and lay down in front of the door.

I was in a lot of pain, I was screaming now. I was calling my mother.

“Mama, I need you!”

“Mama, look what they have done to me”

“Mama, they are very cruel!”

“Mama, please come here and hug me for the last time….”

I kept screaming, crying and reciting Kalima Shahadat again and again. Then at last an army man came and rescued me. The rescuers took me to CMH.

My father and all my family members searched for me. My little brother was also in the same school but by the Grace of Almighty Allah, he was safe.

In this attack, 144 people were martyred, including 132 children, 144 families were destroyed, 144 dreams were crushed by those coldblooded beasts, 132 dreams were no more, 132 future leaders, doctors, engineers, sportsmen, politicians, army officers, police officers, etc, were no more.

The whole world was upset, it still is.

Mohammad Waleed Khan

An inspiring survivor

Fourteen-year-old Mohammad Waleed Khan’s voice had a slight wobble when I spoke to him over the phone. I noticed it at once but deliberately ignored it. I didn’t want to think there was anything unusual.

He was one of the students wounded on December 16, last year. I was conducting his interview over the phone. Good that he was not in front of me as he didn’t get to see the shocked expressions that came over me during the course of the interview and the tears that threatened to fall.

I sounded confident in the start, then turned almost speechless but managed to move on with the interview, though not quiet at the usual pace. Waleed was vibrant, confident and full of life the whole time. Amazing. Inspiring.

That fateful day Waleed, then a student of class eight, was in the auditorium and standing by the stage as he was a proctor. When the terrorists entered, he was one of the first to be shot — eight times. Six bullets in the face and one each in the arm and leg.

Despite such serious injuries, he managed to make his way out of the auditorium to finally collapse in a classroom. He was rescued and taken to the hospital while his family frantically kept searching for him. They finally found him in the hospital in the night.

For eight days he remained unconscious. He was one of the most severely wounded students and he remained in the hospital for four months. Waleed was then sent to the UK with his father for further treatment as his face needed intensive facial surgery and reconstruction.

He had lost his cheek, his upper jaw and teeth. He has undergone a number of surgeries and will be going back to UK for three more reconstruction and plastic surgeries.

This explains the slight wobble I noticed in his speech. And the fact that it is only ‘slight’ is a miracle, as is his recovery. Waleed has now rejoined his school and says that he is very happy to be back with his friends.

“Our class was lucky as among all the classes in the auditorium, we had the highest number of survivals, only four of my friends were martyred. At school we do think of our friends and that gives us the courage that we have to study for our friends and for the future of Pakistan.”

But after coming back from school, Waleed prefers to stay at home, mostly by himself. He started writing a diary as a way to express all that came into his mind, especially during the long hard months he had to pass during his recovery.

“Allah is the one who gives everyone courage. This incident has made all of us at APS Peshawar come closer. Everyone is reaching out to one another,” Waleed discloses. “The teachers are very friendly and supportive, they go out of their way to make sure that we don’t think of that dark day and become sad. Psychiatrists also visit the school and give counselling sessions to those who need it.”

At this point Waleed adds, “I wish our hospitals are made better equipped to handle all kinds of cases so that there is no need for sending injured like myself abroad for treatment. And I also wish the security at the school had been tightened earlier as it is now so that this incident would not have happened.”

Today, much has been done to make APS Peshawar a safer place and remove all traces of that dark December day. Security has been beefed up, the boundary wall fortified, the old auditorium demolished and a new one constructed, intensive repair and renovation work as been done. A memorial to the martyrs now stands to keep alive the memories of the loved one lost. Life is moving on.

Waleed is grateful for a second chance at life and wants to make the most of it. “I want to join the army or the air force. I pray for the army to become successful in crushing all forces working against our nation and that Zarb-e-Azb becomes successful,” he expresses.

To the nation this brave survivor has a message, one that we should all pay heed to: “I want the nation to stay united like it did after December 16. Let us not get back to harbouring our differences. Why wait for an incident as big and tragic as this to become united as a nation?”

Published in Dawn, Young World, December 19th, 2015