A wedding invitation card arrives with glitter falling from it, leaving a trail of fairy dust everywhere it goes. The bearers are proud parents of an only son, glowing with a sense of accomplishment for having finally found a match for their thirty-five-year-old little boy.

The card, after a misspelled translation of Bismillah, says, “We invite you to grace the auspicious occasion of the Marriage of our beloved son Na-Ehl with the daughter of Mr and Mrs Gheratmand.”

Yes, after years of campaigning and high-heeled marches and protests, women do have the right to vote and get elected, but the right to own their name is still a matter of ‘honour’ for those responsible for them.

After fighting for the right to work, while still campaigning to get equal wages, and on our way to becoming fully aware of our worth, the realisation strikes like lightning that even after coming this far a woman is still someone’s wife, daughter, sister or mother.

That's right, you are worthy of respect because you are a mother.

You are lovable because you are a daughter.

You are a responsibility because you are a sister.

Your rights as a human being, are however, still doubtful, since there is no law stating that a piece of property could have the same rights as a living person. Even though by law you are fully eligible to make your own decisions, law hardly stands a chance against rigid social and cultural norms.

Owning your own name is a privilege in our part of the world. The way women have been brainwashed into paranoia regarding names is detestable, and one of the biggest reasons for the appearance of ‘Innocent Munnis’ and ‘Daddy’s Princesses’ on social media, instead of strong women with solid, valid identities.

For the woman herself, it’s not only the name she was bestowed with at birth that needs to be fought for, but her surname as well. For centuries, women have been addressed with titles referring to their fathers or husbands, and sometimes their sons as well (Mrs, Umme, Binte, the list goes on).

Though a lot of us do argue that it was just a way of showing respect in times when feminism wasn’t an active movement, maybe we should realise that today, the practice needs to be invalidated.

Also read: Five ways Pakistan degraded women

The change in a woman’s identity as she becomes a wife and mother shows how lightly we take the need for a strong individual identity for women. My name, for me, is who I am known as.

Most Pakistani women who try to keep their surnames are quick to be labelled as too bold or 'modern'.

This is the name I have had ever since I was born, and I’d consider it not only impractical and cumbersome to have to change it, but also very cruel if I’m forced to do so. Instead of creating a bubble of paranoia around women regarding their names, they should be encouraged to step out of that limitation and own their identities with pride.

Even in the case of marriage, most women are under immense pressure to change their surnames to that of their husband’s, and very few of them have a say in the matter. For a lot of people, the reason is actually the concept that man and wife are one unit, and having the same surname reinforces it.

However, while the whole world is progressing, most Pakistani women still cannot keep their own surnames. If someone does try, she is quick to be labelled as either too forward and bold, or 'modern'.

Though it takes effort to stand up to a cultural norm that is centuries’ old, many women are standing up to this. What we need right now, is the realisation that every person, regardless of their gender, has a right to a valid and clear identity, and the name once given to us when we are born cannot just be taken away. Worse than how we treat a woman’s name is the way we pretend that the issue doesn’t exist.

The nameless and faceless picture that most common Pakistani women still represent reflects on how far back we are when it comes to basic human rights. The contributions women have made to the country, despite limited opportunities, are remarkable.

Also read: HerStory: Seven defining moments for the Pakistani woman

Apart from the few women who are able to break through the societal sheet of misgivings and misogyny created around them, most of us are still struggling for basics. The struggle to get the Pakistani woman the respect and rights she deserves is very real. It has been taken up many times and her fight has been challenged with an even greater force to stifle her voice.

The huge challenge of giving our women a strong foothold in society begins not only by formulating policies and laws in their favour, but also by changing prevalent mindsets and instilling pride in women for their own identities.

Only once women are proud of their own individuality and identity, will they be able to fully stand with men as equals and contribute more meaningfully to society and the nation as a whole. Let’s start from the basics; let’s start by giving them back their names.