Rayna was only eight years old when it happened. As the car stopped outside the tuition centre, she noticed the family driver didn’t leave to fetch her siblings. After waiting for five minutes, she leaned over from the back seat, and innocently asked him, “Why aren’t you going to get them?” And that was when he attacked.

For the 55-year-old chauffeur sexually assaulting a mere child held no consequence; as Rayna helplessly squirmed in his grasp, he only laughed, even more so when she spat on his face and called him a “ganda aadmi” (dirty man).

Like most sexual assault survivors, Rayna stayed silent for years, attributing the blame of the act entirely to herself. Why would someone do this to her? she asked. As she ended her story on this note, I had nothing to say. Emotionally shaken, I wondered aloud: is sexual abuse so prevalent in our society?

Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Dr Sikandar Sohani, senior manager training at Aahung, an NGO that works on empowering children against abuse, states: “It is estimated that between 15-20 per cent of girls and boys from all socioeconomic groups in Pakistan are exposed to sexual harassment and abuse before they turn 18.”

Although no official data on child molestation is prevalent, 17pc of 300 children polled in Rawalpindi and Islamabad reported being sexually abused — one in five boys, and one in seven girls — in 2015.

Cruel Numbers, a report published in March 2016 by Sahil, an NGO advocating against child sexual abuse, concluded from data analysed from the last five years that there has been a consistent increase in abuse. The report further claims that an average of 10 children are sexually abused daily, and asserts that cases have increased by a staggering 7pc in the past year.

While it is easy to collect data on the frequency of child molestation in Pakistani society, the far-reaching, crippling impact of sexual abuse on individuals, their families, and society itself, can’t be easily measured, nor can it be ignored.

####Child abuse has reportedly increased in the country, yet most victims will never be able to get the support they need

“It is important to first understand that sexual abuse covers a very wide spectrum which ranges from being exposed to things of sexual nature to physical molestation at a young age. Several people think that these things are ‘common’ or ‘normal’ in society, but they can have life-altering effects on the child that translate into self-destructive adult behaviour,” says Ayesha Chundrigar, a licensed psychotherapist who has had experience working with children and victims of sexual abuse.

Indeed many experts, as well as literature on the topic, focus on the long-term psychological effect that sexual abuse has on victims. For instance, the United Nations Children’s Emergency Fund in its report, Caring for Child Survivors of Sexual Abuse, continuously emphasises the short- and long-term psychological consequences of child molestation — a severe effect is the shame factor.

####Cruel Numbers, a report published in March 2016 by Sahil ... claims that an average of 10 children are sexually abused daily, and asserts that cases have increased by a staggering 7pc in the past year.

Amir Habib Khattak, Sahil’s programme officer for counselling, repeatedly stresses feelings of helplessness and self-loathing which arise in the victim. “The child sees an adult as their caretaker, someone they can trust,” he says. “Out of the 5,483 abusers in our records, 1,943 are people the child was acquainted with. Once the child is victimised by them, the healthy bond between the child and adult is completely shattered.”

Victims blaming themselves for what happened and being ashamed of it is very common, points out Chundrigar. She further adds that the trauma can follow children into adulthood, and can prevent them from building healthy relationships and leading a ‘normal’ life.

“Abuse affects people in different ways. Cripplingly low self-worth, deep feelings of shame and guilt, feeling dirty or not good enough can manifest as emotionally abusive and violent adult relationships, increased bouts of depression, deep rage and self-loathing,” points out Chundrigar.

She adds that sometimes the victims themselves don’t realise their harmful behavioural patterns as it doesn’t appear to be “big or life altering”. “They are masked in a covert fashion that can only be understood and dealt with via professional help,” she says.

Given the psychological trauma abuse victims face, most organisations (such as Sahil, Konpal and Aahung) and experts who work in the field have a strong focus on therapeutic sessions and counselling.

Chundrigar points out that therapy is a must — if the child isn’t given proper support, sharam (shame) can represent itself in two extreme ways as the child grows up: they can either overcompensate by flaunting their body, and act bold and confident, or shy away until they almost vanish from view.

“We work primarily with educational institutions in order to reach adolescents and youth in a structured setting, and provide them with the knowledge and skills to address everyday challenges that they face in life. They are further equipped with cultural and age-appropriate language which enables them to better express themselves and share issues that they face with trusted caregivers,” says Mehnaz Saleem, coordinator for Aahung’s Life Skills Education Component programme.

This approach ensures that there is institutional support available to young people to help them overcome the issues that they meet.

On the other hand, Khattak says that Sahil takes a mixed approach — focusing on legal redress as well as counselling: “We talk to the victim and their family, and then provide them with lawyers who can fight their case and put the perpetrators behind bars. We [also] have a therapy centre called Jeet Therapy, where we counsel the victim. For us, mental stability and happiness is and will remain the first priority.”

Although both the NGOs have different approaches, their end goal is the same: to reduce the impact of child molestation in Pakistan and prevent further occurrence of such cases.

Saleem points out that ensuring abuse victims regain their agency is key to their recovery: “We work to empower the victim. As the environment around the child becomes more secure, we emotionally coax them back towards living a stable and healthy life. Most importantly, an empowered life, where the child knows they are in complete control of their actions and emotions.”

Khattak says that given the high prevalence of sexual abuse, and how important emotional support and a structured environment is for victims of child abuse to recover, Pakistani society needs to more openly discuss the issue.

“Think about it,” he says. “First, an individual is affected. Most survivors’ families aren’t willing to admit their child has been sexually abused. It doesn’t help that such a topic is taboo in our society. Currently, 64pc of our population [consists of] youngsters. Ultimately, as such individuals increase, unsafe behaviour will increase, and productivity will decrease. Our society will never become healthy”

Name has been changed to protect privacy

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine May 1st, 2016