Mothers give us life, fathers teach us how to live. Fathers play a silent, yet impactful role in our lives. They provide the strength that lays the foundation of a strong family, working hard to give the best they can to the family, sometimes even their own share of comforts.

A father shows us the importance of hard work and sacrifice. Leading by example, he will live the life he expects his children to lead, upholding the values he tries to inculcate in them. He is a disciplinarian and a darling, he is a friend and the one person his children are most scared of, he is so many things at so many different levels.

many different levels.

Let us discover what fathers mean to their children, in the words of some of my family and friends.

“My father is a fun dad,” says Muneer. “He is the one who initiates trips to parks, movies and has played cricket, football — every kind of sports — with us. Even some of my friends enjoy his company a lot.”

But Muneer quickly adds that this does not mean that his father is spoiling them rotten. “Dad makes it clear to us that there is a time for fun and time for studies. He is equally involved in our studies too and likes to know what we are studying in which subject. He is the go-to person whenever we get struck in a sum or question. He doesn’t accept poor grades at all and we try our best not to disappoint him.”

Saif has a more formal relationship with his father, but one based on a lot of love and respect. In an emotional way, he discloses, “I am not very free or frank with my father. I don’t know why it is, but that’s the way it is. But this does not mean that he doesn’t care about us or that we don’t love him.

“My father is a very hardworking person, he comes home late most days as he runs a small shop. Sometimes I go there and help him out. That way I get to spend time with him but he doesn’t want me to waste time this way and tells me to focus on studies.

“I want to grow up quickly, get a good degree and a good job so that I can share the family’s financial responsibility and he can relax. I love my father very much and want to make him proud of me.”

Hina is the eldest of three siblings, all girls. She is confident and outgoing. She does well in school and is part of the school handball team. Hina credits her father for all her achievements and qualities.

“Abba is our pillar of strength and our idol. He has never made us feel that we sisters are in anyway a burden on him or that he wishes one of us was a boy. He has empowered us with self-esteem and that makes us feel that we can achieve whatever we want if we work hard enough for it.”

With a laugh she adds, “Sometimes my mother tells him that he is spoiling us and making us too bold, but he insists that children need to be bold and confident in today’s world. We know that he trusts us and we will never break this trust.”

Then in a serious tone, Hina advices, “I think it is very important to care for your parents and show it to them. I feel most of us children have become very self-centred and we only care about having our needs fulfilled by our parents and not bothering about their problems. It is important to show our love and appreciation to them all the time and this is the reason we make no fuss on Father’s Day at our home because for us, everyday is Father’s and Mother’s Day!”

Hamza’s father works in the UAE and he comes home just once a year, unless there is an emergency and he has to come earlier. Hamza misses his father very much and expresses with a tinge of sadness that he envies his friends and cousins who always have a father to do things with.

“During most of the milestones in my life, my father has not been there with me,” Hamza discloses. “I know it is not anyone’s fault as he has to stay abroad to provide us with a good living. And I also realise that more than us, it is he who is lonely and missing us as he is living without a family while we have all, except him, here with us.”

“He showers a lot of love when he comes. He also calls often and tries to know about everything that is happening in our lives. And now with internet offering so many options of communications to us, we are now more connected but still I take time to share things with him. He has rarely been angry with me, I guess that’s because he is far away and wants to only shower his love on us.” And then with a laugh Hamza adds, “And this is probably the reason why my mother is very strict with us and keeps scolding us.”

Atif’s father passed away soon after his Intermediate exams and, though broken-hearted, Atif vowed to make his father proud of him and engrossed himself in preparing for entrance tests to different professional collages. Atif’s determination paid off and he got admission in a top engineering university, but he misses his father to this day.

“After my father passed away, it really seemed that a protective shield had been taken off our heads. He was not just our financial support but also a pillar of emotional support. When he was alive, I didn’t have a care in the world, whatever I wanted, provided it was a valid demand, I got. He was the authority in our house and everyone knew who to turn to in case of advice or help.”

With a sign Atif continues, “It has taken time for us to heal and find strength in each other, but his void can never be filled. I became mature overnight. I cherish all the memories I have of him. But I have to confess, I feel very guilty that I did not tell him how much I loved him or what he meant to me, when he was alive. I wish I had.

“To all those people who are lucky enough to have parents and family, please cherish them, show and tell them how much they mean to you. Don’t do it only on special occasions or days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. You never know when they will be there no more and you will only be left with memories and regrets.”

What my father means to me

When I was four: “My daddy can do anything.”

When I was seven: “My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.”

When I was eight: “My father doesn’t know quite everything.”

When I was 12: “Oh, well, naturally father doesn’t know that, either.”

When I was 14: “Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.”

When I was 21: “Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect?”

When I was 25: “He knows a little bit about it, but not much.”

When I was 30: “Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.”

When I was 35: “A little patience. Let’s get Dad’s assessment before we do anything.”

When I was 50: “I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart.”

When I was 60: “My dad knew absolutely everything!

When I was 65: “I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.”

Published in Dawn, Young World, June 18th, 2016