“Mum! I’ve secured the best grade in English literature.”

“But son what good is that? You have to pursue engineering, earn the best grades in math and science like your cousin does.”

“Look! I’ve won this art competition!”

“My dear, focus on your studies, these paintings won’t help you.”

“Father, I’ve been selected to represent my school in the table tennis tournament!”

“That’s fine son, but what future does this sport have? You should play more rewarding sports; join the cricket team.”

“I’ve secured 85 per cent in finals!”

“But the highest in your class is 93 per cent. Really child this is not up to the mark. You must work harder.”

Do you get to hear such remarks occasionally? I guess we all do. Even if we stand first in our class, somehow it will be pointed out that we should’ve done better because one of our cousins earned a better result.

Have you gone through this process of being compared to everyone else but yourself? Or of being reminded every now and then that there is still room for improvement? Of course there’s always a room for improvement. But is comparison the best way to make one realise this?

We need to evaluate what comparison can lead to. And this is some serious food for thought, for all those parents who never think about their child’s efforts because they’re busy comparing them with other children. And all those students who somehow at one point or another enter a race with their peers, the race to stay on top.

From a young age, children who are constantly compared with others tend to lose their individuality. They grow up unsure and not confident about themselves, they develop inferiority complex, believing that they’ve never done enough. They are subjected to a race which they must win in order to prove themselves, and what is that race? Securing better marks than your peers and cousins? Is that all? If so, then surely you’re misguided. All because you are constantly compared with others.

Elders need to understand that every individual is different. Every child has their strengths and weaknesses, and every child is blessed with their own talents. If every child is given the chance and guided accordingly, they are all bound to shine on the stage we call the world. The reason many of us fail to stand out and shine is because we never realise our full and real potential, our talent, strength and abilities because we are busy in trying to stay ahead of each other.

And that’s where we are wrong, that’s where parents are also wrong. Comparison with anyone never helps, it demotivates and leaves the child thinking that they aren’t good enough.

The only beneficial comparison is when you compare yourself with the person you are today to the one you were yesterday and what you’re going to be tomorrow. Because it’s about you, not about them; it’s about your abilities, choices and decisions. But children will only realise this when their parents make them do so. When the parents accept their child’s individuality, praise and encourage them for who they are, the child is bound to succeed.

The world needs all sorts of individuals and so no interest, ability or talent is soft enough to be frowned upon. Everyone deserves the right to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they possess. We need to learn to appreciate our efforts and so do our parents, without comparing the results and performances with those of our peers or cousins.

Remember, each day you should seek to be better, better than the person you were yesterday. It is all that matters and it is enough to make a difference.

Published in Dawn, Young World, July 16th, 2016