It is a universally acknowledged truth that deep-frying any foodstuff will enhance its flavour by a factor of 10 gazillion. Steamed cauliflower: meh; deep-fried cauliflower: delicious. Boiled potatoes: nice; deep-fried potatoes: heart-warming. Steaming and boiling will make you healthier no doubt, but deep-frying will make you happier. As happy as it made me the time I came upon a booth offering samples of deep-fried cookies.

You read that correctly: cookies, deep-fried, and free. It was almost too good to be true. Whole cookies were dipped in pancake batter (I asked) then dropped into hot bubbling oil. The result is impossible to describe in any human language; suffice it to say that tears of immeasurable joy were shed by several in the crowd. Not to sound ungrateful, but if only there had been chocolate bars to accompany the cookies on the road to glory.

Deep-fried candy bars are definitely a thing. They have been around since 1995 when they were first created at a fish & chip shop near Aberdeen, Scotland. Now they are enjoyed around the world, along with deep-fried sugar cubes, deep-fried jelly beans and even deep-fried butter. The sky is the limit when it comes to deep-frying food, with state and county fairs in the United States serving as the hotbeds of invention where the motto seems to be “If you can think of it, they will fry it.” The Minnesota State Fair offers deep-fried Spaghetti and Meatballs, while vendors at the Texas State Fair figured out a way to deep-fry Coca Cola. But a tip of the hat goes to the Indiana State Fair where they manage to create a deep-fried salad.

In defence of the indefensible, it must be pointed out that even the world’s (allegedly) healthiest eaters, the Japanese, have a long history of giving their seafood and vegetables the deep fry treatment. Their scrumptious tempura originated on the streets of Edo (former name of Tokyo) during the 17th century when deep-frying indoors was prohibited in case the hot oil set fire to homes that were made from paper and wood.

“Chilli dogs, funnel cakes, fried bread, majorly greasy pizza, candy apples, ye gods. Evil food smells amazing — which is either proof that there is a Satan or some equivalent out there, or that the Almighty doesn’t actually want everyone to eat organic tofu all the time. I can’t decide.” — Jim Butcher

So we can stop feeling guilty about deep-fried pakoras, jalebis, and samosas. It’s not like we eat them every day (well, at least most of us don’t). So the occasional grease-drenched treat is just what the doctor ordered to shake up the old digestive system. Well, sort of.

Deep fried watermelon

Ingredients

Watermelon 1

Vegetable or canola oil

for deep-frying 3 cups

Corn flour ½ cup

Egg whites, beaten 2

Water 2 tsp

Flour 3/4 cup

Powdered sugar

Method

Cut watermelon into one inch square pieces and remove seeds. Heat oil to 350o F (175 o C). Whisk cornstarch with egg whites and water until combined. Dip watermelon chunks in the flour, then coat with the cornstarch batter. Deep-fry in batches, leaving room in between pieces to properly brown, until watermelon chunks turn golden.

Drain well and sprinkle with a dusting of powdered sugar. Serve immediately but be careful because watermelon is basically water and these little morsels may be very hot inside.

Tempura fried ice cream

Ingredients

Vanilla ice cream 2 scoops

Pound cake 4 slices (½ inch thick)

Vegetable oil for frying 1 quart

Egg, beaten 1

Water 3/4 cup

All-purpose flour 1 ½ cups

Method

Place each scoop of ice cream between two pieces of pound cake like a sandwich. Wrap each tightly in plastic wrap, pressing on the sandwich to squeeze the corners around the ice cream. Place into the freezer, and freeze until solid, one to two hours.

Heat oil to 375o F (190 degrees C).

Whisk together the egg and water, then whisk in the flour until no lumps remain. Unwrap the frozen sandwiches, and dip into the tempura batter. Allow the excess batter to drip off, then place the sandwiches into the hot oil. Fry for 20 to 30 seconds until golden brown. Drain briefly on a paper towel-lined plate before cutting in half to serve. Add toppings such as wafer cookies, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, or cherries.

Deep fried chocolate bars

Ingredients

All-purpose flour 1 cup

Corn flour ½ cup

Baking powder 1 tsp

Salt

Club soda or water 12 oz

Chocolate bars of choice,

frozen 4

Directions

Heat oil to 375o F (190o C). Whisk together the flour, corn starch, baking powder and salt. Add the club soda. Avoid over mixing the batter or it will be tough. Dip the frozen chocolate bars into the batter, coating evenly, then carefully add them to hot oil. Fry until the outside is golden and crispy. The inside will be gooey and delicious.

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine September 25th, 2016