My Cute Auntie,

I am a 30-year-old guy. I work in a private firm and earn a good salary. For many months my parents have been asking me to marry a girl whom I don’t find good-looking. I told my parents to search for someone better than her.

However, my mom likes her because she earns more salary than me and she is well-educated as well. My mom says that the girl in question has a good character and she will help me financially as well.

On the other hand, I have my girlfriend. We both have been in a relationship since we were teens. She loves me and I love her.

My girlfriend’s parents want me to marry their daughter. My mother does not agree with this relationship and she is making my life difficult for me. I’m really very confused. Auntie, kindly help me out.

In-between

Dear Guy,

You mention your girlfriend as an afterthought at the end of your letter. How serious are you about her actually? The reason for not marrying the girl your mother chose should not be because she is not good-looking. It should be because you have a girlfriend you say you love.

‘I don’t want to marry the girl my mother has chosen for me because of her looks. And I also have a girlfriend. ’

First things first: tell your mother you don’t find her choice attractive and end the story right there. The other, more important thing is to stop telling your parents to ‘leave this girl and search for someone better than this.’ You are kidding, right? Why would you say that and then tell me two sentences later ‘On the other hand, I have my girlfriend.’ Seriously? Stop saying she loves you and you love her, if you are continuing to tell your parents to search for someone better than their current choice. If you truly love your girlfriend, no one is better than her.

Stop saying you love her, and then go on to say

‘I am confused.’ If you love your girlfriend as you say you do, what pray, is the confusion? You are 30, not 13. If you like her, man up, take a stand and tell your parents. If you cannot do that, end this relationship right now and stop pretending to be an adult.

Dear Auntie,

I am an 18-year-old boy. l was a bright student in school and college, but in F. Sc final exams I didn’t get the marks me and my parents expected. So they scolded and embarrassed me in front of my younger siblings. I suffered from anxiety and depression for four months. I am a pet-lover, but they sold all my pets. Now I don’t find joy in anything. My siblings always tease me as I have lost my self-respect since my parents insulted me in front of them. I just want to be happy.

Depressed Teen

Dear Have Had Enough,

Your parents should not have humiliated you in front of your siblings. That was just wrong.

Also, remember whatever your parents have said to you about you is not true. Know that you are a bright student who had a not-so-great result. It happens to the best of us. No one aces everything in life. People fail all the time.

The other, more important thing is to stop telling your parents to ‘leave this girl and search for someone better than this.’ On the other side, I have my girlfriend.’ Seriously? Stop saying she loves you and you love her, if you are continuing to tell your parents to search for someone better than their current choice. If you truly love you girlfriend, no one is better than her.

In fact, failure is one of the greatest stepping stones to eventual success. All successful people failed and faltered along the way, so if you didn’t do so well in an exam, you are in good company. Know that what your parents have said about you is not the ultimate truth. It is just their opinion. Sure it hurts. But it is an opinion. You have got good academic results in the past and that makes you a bright student.

I can understand that your parents were disappointed. However as parents they should be protecting you and motivating you to do better in future. Not humiliating you. Most normal onlookers who witness parents humiliating their children would think something is the matter with the parents. They would wonder what was going on with your parents, rather than with you.

Auntie thinks your parents are generally unhappy with themselves and sadly feel the need to take it out on you. You are talented and smart. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Tune out your parents, go back to your studies and work hard. Good luck!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine February 12th, 2017