The Panama Case verdict: international and local reactions
A festive rally was taken out in the capital of Panama after the court ruling on the Panama Leaks case in Pakistan was finally announced.
The rejoicing people hoped that maybe now their country’s name will not be mentioned by the Pakistani media more than it is by the citizens of Panama.
Apart from concerts, the rally also held contests in which people who could tell where Pakistan was, were given prizes. Only two people won.
US President Donald Trump hailed the court ruling, saying that it will go a long way in reducing the influx of refugees from Syria and migrants from Mexico.
When he was reminded that the verdict had nothing whatsoever to do with refugees or migrants, Trump is reported to have said, "then why am I even talking about it?"
An Easter Bunny was arrested on the spot and his Twitter account blocked for misinforming the President.
Soon after the court verdict, a group of North Koreans in Pyongyang pleaded with the country’s leader, Kim Jong-un, to allow the airing of Pakistani TV talk shows in North Korea. Smiling benevolently, Kim got them all shot by a firing squad.
Indian PM, Narendra Modi, reacted to the SC verdict in a strange manner. When asked about it at a press conference, Modi responded by exhibiting his favorite yoga position.
He told reporters that he begins to perform yoga every time he hears the word Pakistan. This helps him control his temper.
He added that if it wasn’t for yoga he would have already crushed Pakistan by unleashing a devastating cow-stampede.
Visibly angry, Modi changed the subject and began to talk about his favourite topic: Bio-gas. "It soothes me," he said.
Some ministers of the ruling PML-N celebrate after the ruling announced that the PM will not be dismissed. The ministers shouted "Marhabba! Marhabba!"
They then left for Qatar for a well-deserved vacation.
PTI members demonstrate their anger at verdict. They were disappointed that the courts did not dismiss the PM.
However, soon PTI members settled down and claimed that the verdict was a moral victory for PTI.
PPP members claimed that had the PM been a Sindhi, he would have been dismissed. But since he was an honourary Arab, he was spared. The PPP members then all left for an emergency meeting. In Dubai.
The PPP offered help to PTI for gathering even more evidence against the PM for future cases. For this it will use the new garbage trucks that its government in Sindh just imported from China.
The JUI watched the news of the verdict on TV over a sumptuous lunch. However, the party was too full to give any immediate statement.
JI members were seen leaving the court in disappointment.
Understandably, the media’s reaction was the most pronounced.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, R2-D2 transmits the news of the verdict to Luke Skywalker and C3-P0.
Disclaimer: This piece is categorised as satire.
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com. He is also the author of two books on the social history of Pakistan, End of the Past and The Pakistan Anti-Hero.
He tweets @NadeemfParacha