Sometimes life does not go the way we might have planned. You worked hard for your exams but your result may be below expectations. You classmate may be holding a party but you didn’t get invited or you weren’t allowed to go by your parents. Maybe your best friend has decided to join a different school or your team loses an important match or your much-awaited travel plans get cancelled.

We suffer from disappointment when we have high expectations but things do not turn out the way we want them to be. Disappointments come in life in many shapes and guises, and can hit us like a tonne of bricks. They can hurt a lot because they usually catch us unaware.

When our hopes shatter or our dreams do not materialise, it is easy to crumble under the weight of negative emotions. We feel disappointed, angry, sad, hurt, cheated and frustrated. At times, we feel like giving up and not trying any more. We may start having thoughts like: ‘Bad things always happen to me,’ ‘Nothing ever works out for me,’ ‘There’s no use trying,’ ‘My life is useless!’

sad, hurt, cheated and frustrated. At times, we feel like giving up and not trying any more. We may start having thoughts like: ‘Bad things always happen to me,’ ‘Nothing ever works out for me,’ ‘There’s no use trying,’ ‘My life is useless!’

It is not easy to get over disappointments in life but a negative attitude will never lead to positive results, so it is important to get over disappointments quickly. Here are five steps that can help you to the road of recovery.

Catharsis

Go ahead and grieve your loss. If your best friend has moved away or you have just lost a cricket/football match or got a bad grade in you test/exam, it is okay to feel sad. In fact, mourning shows how much you cared and how much it meant to you, it is a catharsis. If you did not care, you would not be in any pain, right?

Your disappointment is a reflection of your commitment and passion for something, so it is natural that you feel sad when you suffer an unexpected setback or failure. However, this does not mean that you can be rude or angry with others, say hurtful words or throw a tantrum.

Express yourself

After you have grieved about your loss for some time, discuss your feelings with a family member or a close friend. You can also vent out your emotions by doing something that calms you down. It can be writing, painting, watching television, taking a bath, sleeping, listening to music, playing a video game, going for a walk or swimming.

You can also remain in your room for a few hours and just allow yourself some time to heal or cry, but never indulge in self-harming or do anything silly.

Recall all the good things in your life

It might sound very difficult, but the best time to count your blessings is during the darkest period of your life. Look around you. Focus on the things that you have, and others don’t; the people who care about you, the skills, knowledge and talents that you are blessed with.

Maybe one classmate is snubbing you, but you may have plenty of other friends. Maybe you parents could not buy you an outfit that you really wanted or take you on an exotic vacation. But does that really spell the end of the world?

Wouldn’t it be better to focus on the countless blessings in your life that millions of other children around the globe are deprived of?

Life is too short to cry, complain and whine, so let go of the things which were not meant for you.

Learn from your mistakes, look for new opportunities, keep your dreams alive and try to overcome any shortcomings that derailed you earlier

Time for self-analysis

You have suffered a disappointment, you spent some time feeling sorry for yourself and then you vented out your negative emotions. Now it’s time to think about your failure in a clear and logical manner.

“Why did I get such low marks?”, “Why didn’t we win?” “What other options do I have?” “Why did I not get selected?” “What could I have done differently” and most importantly “What next?”

Make a list of all things mentally, or write them down in a diary and analyse the factors that influenced the negative outcome. If you did not prepare well for a test, you cannot blame your teacher for giving you low marks. If you were not well-rehearsed for the audition, you have no right to expect that you will get chosen for the lead role in school play.

Maybe your classmate is inviting just a few selected friends to her house and she does not consider you a close friend. Do an honest analysis about your own efforts and your expectations and see if they sum up correctly.

Move forward

This is the fifth and final phase of getting over your disappointment. Life is too short to cry, complain and whine, so let go of the things which were not meant for you. Learn from your mistakes, look for new opportunities, keep your dreams alive and try to overcome any shortcomings that derailed you earlier.

Improve yourself constantly by learning new skills, being kind to others, smiling and being grateful. Soon you will feel that occasional setbacks are not what define your character or your abilities.

Advantages of suffering a disappointment

When you suffer from a disappointment, you can feel really awful and you must be wondering if there can be anything good in feeling so down and dreadful.

But yes, there are certain benefits to be reaped when things do not go as planned. For one thing, past disappointments stop you from becoming complacent and taking things for granted. Disappointments and failures also build character and patience.

We have to accept the fact that not everything in life goes as we have planned or wished for. Helen Keller once said. “We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.”

Disappointments sometimes

test our personality and sometimes they spur us to do better and bigger things. Disappointments also make you think like a strategist.

Whenever you set out for a project, whether it is your exams, a school play, sports match or matters related to planning an event or dealing with friends and family members, past setbacks require you to think of all things that can go wrong and come up with contingency plans that help you in doing things in a far better, more organised and more disciplined way.

Disappointments are part and parcel of life. As Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

So after suffering a setback in life, you are probably a stronger person. You just need to realise this, take a deep breath and move on.

Start a new day!

No matter how much others love you or care for you, they cannot always comprehend the magnitude of your loss or the extent of your disappointment. It is up to you to pick up the pieces, to dust yourself and start anew.

You must have heard the phrase: Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. If you brag about your abilities or victories before they actually happen, chances are you are going to feel frustrated even more if things go awry.

And lastly, always be compassionate towards others. Never take delight in other people’s discomfort or losses in life, otherwise, you might find yourself friendless when you are in need of a comforting word or hand.

Published in Dawn, Young World April 29th, 2017