All students aspire for a higher IQ (intelligence quotient) but in many ways EQ (emotional intelligence) is more important in determining your success at school, your grades and how you relate to others. We need EQ when turning intent into action, when making informed decisions and when connecting with and understanding others. How we manage our own emotions and that of others is instrumental in leading a fulfilled life.

With an inter-connected world, we might assume that today’s children have higher EQ as compared to their predecessors. But the truth might be different. With the boom in technology, many children are glued to their screens and don’t get to meet other children face-to-face. Relating to others and relationship management is an important element that nurtures a high EQ in an individual.

But technology and its addiction among children are a hindrance in attaining high EQ level and this leads to many of them not being able to manage their emotions well.

What is EQ

So what is EQ? EQ is the ability to identify, use, understand and manage your own emotions in such a way so as to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.

Can EQ be learned?

Many believe that IQ is inherited, but the good news about EQ is that it can be learned by anyone, at any stage of their life.

Why is EQ important?

Good IQ may help you get admission in a good school but in order to feel motivated to perform well and to face the examinations, you will need good EQ.

A person having a good EQ will act rationally under stress and pressure, and will take the right decisions. They will develop abilities to lead and nurture others, and effectively handle the complexities of life.

High EQ people are comfortable with their own emotions, know how to manage them, are secure, fearless and have trust and gratitude. Instead of being judgemental, they are empathetic towards others. Empathy is the ability to imagine how someone would be feeling in a certain situation by putting yourself in others’ shoes. As such, compassion forms a cornerstone of being emotionally intelligent

Characteristics of people with high EQ

People with high EQ always keep themselves on the ‘giving’ side, while people with low EQ are ‘getting’ people. Getting people are concerned about rights, expectations and needs, while giving people are value driven. They act according to the moment and the situation.

Therefore EQ is not about being nice, but about being ‘appropriate’. High EQ people focus on what they should be doing in a particular situation rather than how others ought to behave. A person who has expectations from others and who focuses on what others should be doing, ultimately becomes insecure.

High EQ people are comfortable with their own emotions, know how to manage them, are secure, fearless and have trust and gratitude. Instead of being judgemental, they are empathetic towards others. Empathy is the ability to imagine how someone would be feeling in a certain situation by putting yourself in others’ shoes. As such compassion forms a cornerstone of being emotionally intelligent.

EQ wasn’t known in defining intelligence until 1990, when psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey published their paper defining and explaining emotional intelligence.

The concept was later popularised by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book on the same subject. The four major components of EQ are described below to help improve your skills in this regard.

1. Self-awareness: Self-awareness means understanding your own emotions, such as being aware about what makes you angry, and it will help you be in control of your temper the next time something irritating comes up.

Mindfulness is a technique that creates self-awareness by reducing stress and focusing on the present, rather than the past or the future. You can work towards it by regularly writing down your emotions in a diary on daily bases.

1. Self-management: You should be able to manage your emotions in positive ways. With the ability to manage stress and stay emotionally present, you can learn to receive disturbing pieces of emotions without letting this information override your thoughts and self-control. You should learn behaviours that allow you to control impulsive feelings while learning to adapt to change at the same time.

2. Social awareness: Social awareness is a skill needed to read the non-verbal clues others constantly give. By reading these you should be able to mould your words, behaviours and body language accordingly.

Sometimes we think that having awareness about others will reduce our own self-awareness, but in reality, it is through learning about others that we learn more about ourselves.

1. Relationship management: Teamwork is an integral part of school life. Whether you like it or hate it, emotional awareness and your ability to understand what others are experiencing can make you an effective team player. You should also be aware of how you communicate non-verbally to others, use humour to ease tension and see conflict as an opportunity to get closer.

Companies and organisations are now increasingly using emotional intelligence tools to hire smart people. They regularly send their employees to workshops for receiving such trainings. Schools and universities have teamwork as an essential part of their curriculum.

Learning about emotional intelligence is as relevant for children today in this complex and fast-changing world as it is for adults.

Published in Dawn, Young World, February 24th, 2018