Have you ever thought of doing a social-psychological experiment? Well it’s not as hard as it sounds. You can give it a try.

If you want to see someone behave in a particular way, all you have to do is act like as if it was true, and they will eventually become that person. Just like our mum used to tell us that we are a brave kid who does not cry over an injury, and we tend to believe her and stop crying.

We keep on thinking what others might think of us and that develops our personality. Our assumptions are based on what we hear and sometimes what we just felt others would think of us. It is a social-psychological process which affects us in building our own image based on others’ opinions.

Would they like me if I start the conversation? Is this dress going with my personality? What would they think if I tell them the truth? Such questions and worries keep conquering our mind as we think of our own image in front of society. The choices we make, the behaviour we shadow and the way we carry ourselves depend on how people around us perceive things.

The looking-glass self theory

Back in 1902, an American sociologist Charles Cooley brought a social-psychological concept into light, which he named as “The looking-glass self theory”.

The choices we make, the behaviour we shadow and the way we carry ourselves depend on how people around us perceive things

This theory explains how individuals create society and hence society shapes each individual’s character. The theory explains that we all imagine how we might appear to others. Then, our next concern is how others will judge us based on that appearance. And lastly we develop our own image that reflects those judgements.

How the theory can be implemented in our lives

What we see in the mirror is not our real self but a reflection of it. In this case society becomes the mirror that shows us our self-image. What we know about ourselves often comes from others. For example, a boy identifies himself as someone who belongs to a business family, and then he assumes that people around him recognise him as a privileged and intelligent businessman.

Eventually he will develop his own image based on those reflections. This is how most of us create our character.

We listen to what others say about us and carry those judgements along throughout our life.

Creating a better version of ourselves

We all have school memories when our teacher would appreciate our work to motivate us to do better, and it always worked. Praise for a good deed or appreciation over some work always boosts up our motivation.

Knowing that we are being liked for a particular act makes us feel good about it and hence increases our confidence. We tend to put more efforts into the work we know we would get appreciated for. As a result, we improve our skills and maintain the level of excellence to keep hearing those praises and appreciations.

How society requires us to adapt different roles

Our personality is an amalgamation of multiple roles that we play in our daily life. At home, we know that there are no hidden cameras, so we behave the way we are. We don’t pretend to be well-mannered, smart, bold or efficient. We keep calm and try to understand our responsibilities and duty towards our family.

At school, we play the role of a student and a friend. A student has to be studious, sporty, helpful, inquisitive and participating. Our role is defined in detail without the concern of knowing whether it is necessary or not. As a friend, we have to be fun-loving, helpful and most importantly, a social butterfly that attracts everyone.

At office, we can never play the role of a person who is naive, irresponsible or non-serious. At different spaces, society has decided for us the role that we shall play.

Is it all useful or dangerous as well?

The idea that if we hear all the good things about ourselves we will reflect as a better person, amazes us. But the thought that we do not have the control over our own behaviour and choices is fear-provoking. As our surrounding for sure don’t tell us all the good things about ourselves.

“You are a boy and work like household chores aren’t for you,” “You’re the eldest one how can you be so irresponsible?” “Being a girl you should know how to compromise.”

From birth to death, we keep on hearing such advices and orders that shapes our character. We have been told how we should react and adapt to different situations. Our age, gender and status becomes the basis of the boundaries set by society for us to follow.

Perceptions can be biased, unfair or false

We all belong to this society which draws margins for others. Our judgements are based on what we observe. Observations make our perceptions of people around us and those perceptions can be unfair or biased most of the time. We tend to believe what appears to be a general impression of others. But we never bother to think ahead of that. There is a lot more than that in individuals than we think or perceive.

Unless we are not harming others or ourselves, we are free to do what we love to. Children in tender age or teenagers are more affected by this concept. They are easily subjected to be controlled through advices and suggestions from their peers and grown-ups. They become conformists in order to match the standards set by society.

Learn to evaluate your self-image

We see our image through society’s eye and get influenced by that unconsciously. We do not intentionally listen and believe to what people say. It’s not in our hands if we breathe in a space where our surrounding reflects a negative image of ourselves, creating a low self-esteem.

We are prone to such situations throughout our lives and to overcome such instances, we must try to evaluate our own image. Not with the perspectives of others but with our own perspective, we can try to interact with different surroundings to change our self-image if required. It is extremely important for an individual to create an image which is based on one’s own beliefs and experiences instead of how others look at them.

Published in Dawn, Young World, July 14th, 2018