When you are with two delightful academically famous ladies, complaining about food is not appropriate. My interest was focussed elsewhere. So where should we go to eat? That, as a sage once said, is ‘best left to the ladies’.

The original plan last Sunday was to go to a place called Spice Bazaar on MM Alam Road. Great, for I wanted to review the place. But then as ladies go the ‘fickle’ questioning academics came up with another option. “Let’s go to Wazwan, also on MM Alam Road,” said one and sent me a WhatsApp photograph of the place. Sure, for the very name means it is a Kashmiri eatery, for the word ‘waza’ means a Kashmiri chef of the highest order. That was immediately agreed and off we set. But then as we travelled the gorgeous ladies suddenly changed track once again and we ended up at a place called ‘Chaaye Khana’ in Y-Block of DHA. Gosh, reviewing eateries is no easy job.

We entered the place and could immediately make out that two groups with a lot of children were celebrating on the first floor balcony. That was good enough to remove any notion of a peaceful meal. So we settled on a small table near the outside window, which was comfortable enough. The welcoming waiter seemed a wee bit lost, but once we sat down and went through the menu card he had disappeared.

Another young man came and we ordered two Spicy Chicken dishes with mash potatoes, while the slim academic ordered ‘shami kababs’, which to our amazement came in a small cane basket with a paper napkin as a base with chilli sauce in a very small porcelain dish. On the comic side I asked: “Have you ever seen two small shami kababs served in a basket?” The other academic said: “Now do not write about that.” How could I disagree then?

As I surveyed the menu I noticed that almost every main dish was being served with mash potatoes. How very English for a Farsi-sounding eatery. Our two Spicy Chickens with mash was reasonable, for it had herbs tucked in the middle of the two small breast pieces. We all had a lemon mint drink each which was half crushed ice, and very tasty. We skipped the sweets and enjoyed each other’s company for over an hour. This was one occasion where the ‘gup shup’ was more interesting than the food.

Now let me interpret this ‘Eating Out’ experience on the Michelin Scale of 1 (one) to a maximum 9 (nine). For food quality a 6 is appropriate, for quality of crockery and cutlery another 6 is appropriate, for variety of choices available a 6 is ample, for service a 4 is being generous. Imagine a waiter sharply reaching across ladies to pick up things and serve. Please serve from the right side of the client, not swinging across the left barely missing the face. The prices were quite high given the fare so a 5 is appropriate. For cleanliness a 7 is justified for it looked very clean. The parking ease needs regulation – I mean a valet should be helpful -- for one has to find a place so that gets 6. Finally the ambience gets another 6, for it seems very utilitarian.

With these eight variables to play with the Eating-Out Average comes to 5.75 out of nine. In my estimation this is justified, for they need to work hard – very hard -- on customer handling, service and food variety. Will I go there again? The chances are slim.

AMAZING NIHARI: My wife’s half-a-century old friend is one pushy character. She invited us to a posh eatery in Gulberg, but then, like all good ladies, changed track in the middle and we ended up at Muhammadi Nihari at Mozang Chungi. It was a decision not to be regretted. We parked with relative ease in the middle of the mad traffic rush that is Mozang.

The place, against my expectations, was very clean and we found a place to sit with ease. Our order was a large Beef Nihari laced with a whole ‘Maghaaz’ which I instructed not to break into mince. Ample ginger and green chillies were supplied along with a most amazing piping hot ‘Khameeri Roti’. Oh, it was delicious, which my nephew ‘Bairam the Banker’ now in Canada remembers so fondly. On food matters he is normally spot on. Few places in Lahore can match such food excellence. They also serve ‘Chicken Nihari’. Imagine! Highly recommended, especially in winter.

Published in Dawn, July 26th, 2019