Hello! As you may have guessed, my name is Bill, aka ‘Bad Luck Bill’. Now you must be thinking how I ended up getting this name. Well let’s just say that my luck tends to be bad, usually all the time

So, I am already famous for messing up even the easiest and simplest of things, like forgetting my lines during a play, or not seeing the last page in an exam and missing out on a 10 marks question, or even forgetting my stationery at home – all of this to an extent that I become the butt of jokes in the class. I was pretty mediocre in studies, and not because I was dumb, but because I would make silliest of the silly mistakes

One time we were in Mrs Brown’s class and let me just tell you that this is the most terrifying teacher in the whole school we are talking about. One bad mistake and you were done!

So, it was her class and we all had completed the task for the day and when the rest of the class was busy moderating an arm-wrestling match between John and Steve, I heard Mrs Brown give us the homework for the next day.

“Write an essay on your favourite sports. And if I see anyone without the complete essay tomorrow, he or she isn’t getting their recess till the end of the week.”

“Eureka!” I said to myself. No one had realised that we had been given a homework except for me. And there was no way I was going to let these people know – not because I was selfish, but because none of them had ever helped me out just so they could laugh at me.

“Let’s see who gets the last laugh!” I said to myself while I smirked and that’s when Jenna caught me.

“Hey what’re you smirking about, eh?” she asked.

“Oh, no noth-noth-nothing,” I replied.

“Uh … Ok stupid!” she exclaimed sarcastically as she made her way out while I kept smirking.

With excitement in my stomach and my heart beating faster than ever, I ran like Flash (well not really like Flash, since I am bad at sports too). I made it into my room, threw my bag on my bed, kicked away my shoes and went straight into the shower.

“Bill, Bill, Bill!” I could hear my mum call out behind me, but I had no time. This was my one opportunity to prove those guys wrong and there was no way I was messing that up.

As soon as I was done with the shower, I headed downstairs, stuffed the lunch into my mouth and ran back upstairs to my room. I remember nothing about the lunch other than the confused looks my mum cast at me and my genius young sister whining about how she lost one mark in her test.

While writing the essay, I had only two things in my mind – to do it as quick as I can and do it as best as I can, and I was aware they both couldn’t coexist so the latter was my priority. I spent three long hours on that one essay, compromising my game time as well as my hangout with my best friend.

After countless re-reads and error-checkings, I kissed my essay and shouted, “Yippee! Hurrah!” to myself

The next day arrived and I couldn’t wait to see the look on my classmates’ faces when they’d be scolded by Mrs Brown and I would be the only one she’d be praising for his attentive listening. And, of course, then I’d be the only one going for recess. I had already planned throwing the “Uh … Ok stupid!” line back to Jenna’s narcissistic face.

Boy, would it feel good!

Anyway, like always I was met with a few roasts from my classmates, but I kept smirking at them, knowing about the wreckage that was due their way.

The first period ended, then the second and now we were to start the third, which was Mrs Brown’s. I stood up from my desk and proudly addressed my classmates as Mr Stanley made his way out into 8-C, which was next to ours.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I remind you all about the homework Mrs Brown gave us?”

“Homework? What homework?” shouted Jim.

“There was no homework!” exclaimed Jenna panicking.

“Uh … Ok stupid!” I said and laughed to myself. I couldn’t keep this comeback to myself that long. Ahh! The look on her face was priceless.

While there was a chaos in the whole room and there were only few minutes left in Mrs Brown’s entrance, I said, “An essay on favourite sports.”

And as I said this, everyone took out their journals and pens, and started writing, begging me to help them write, or manipulate Mrs Brown into believing that the homework was due the next day.

“No!” I said with my chin up high. I wasn’t going to miss the perfect revenge opportunity merely out of sympathy.

And just when I thought I was having the best day of my life. Something strange happened. It was not Mrs Brown at the door – oh no, it was Mr Adam. Yes, Mrs Brown was sick and had taken the day off and Mr Adam was here as a substitute. All the hard work of three hours at home on the essay, all the feeling of finally getting redemption, went to waste.

“Take that, stupid,” I heard Jenna say as she directed her tongue towards me and a few thumbs down as the whole class laughed at me and at my luck.

And that’s when I named myself “Bad Luck Bill.” I mean a little self-depreciating humour is good for oneself, isn’t it?

Well, the next day, everyone came to school with their essays written and John had the “best essay in the whole class”, according to Mrs Brown. Come to think of it, if I had waited those two minutes when the third period started and kept my mouth shut, no one would have known about the homework, and I still would have prevailed. Turns out, I managed to mess this up too!

Published in Dawn, Young World, April 10th, 2021