The average Pakistani woman has little control over her life. Big decisions such as marriage or education are often decided for her without much of her input, while her mobility is often considered frivolous. After all, what valid purpose is there for her to be outside home in a lockdown?

Women’s participation in public spaces in Pakistan is a highly contested issue. Loitering is out of the question, and most women that you see on the streets are there to go from point A to point B and as quickly as possible. As universities, colleges and workplaces are relatively safe and secure, they often serve as a legitimate escape or a respite from a stifling or abusive environment at home.

Going out every day with a permissible, valid reason, such as education or work, enables women to socialise and provides them a change of scene. It also gives them the freedom to be themselves, groom their personalities, feel independent and learn about the world outside their homes. However, the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns took away the little independence and freedom that they had. 

As it is, freedom does not come as easily for Pakistani women, compared to men. The disparity is clear — a son enjoys the liberty to make plans for an overnight gathering with his friends without any hesitation, but a daughter has to think twice before she asks for permission to pop round even to the neighbours for a bit.

“During college days, going out for a meal with friends took a lot of effort and planning,” recalls Sabiha*, a working mother of two. “For hours we would pour over the possibilities of what would be the best time to approach parents for permission to go out. And almost always, at least one friend would report back unsuccessfully, as she was denied permission to meet her friends and eat out.” 

Without a socially acceptable reason to step out in lockdowns, restricted movement and isolation has deepened social stresses for women in stifling or abusive environments at home

With educational institutions being shut down, Zara*, who studies at the Lahore School of Economics, misses her freedom. “To be away from home and to be able to make plans with friends from 9am to 7pm, without providing a justification for your absence from home, [that option] has gone away,” she says.

As the world adjusted to online classes and study from home, many female students in Pakistan confronted unsupportive families who couldn’t understand the idea of digital learning, which only added to the stress of adjusting to online classes. “Being physically available at home means more responsibilities and a for-granted expectation to do household chores,” says Hira*, a Karachi University student. “When I’m attending an online class, my family thinks I am entertaining myself on my laptop only to avoid chores.”

Female students are not the only ones affected by lockdowns. Initially, workplaces were shut down and many are still operating remotely. Working mothers were particularly hit hard by the pandemic because of little or no domestic help and children being at home at all hours with schools being shut. “I feel like I am always on the clock,” says Ramsha*, who works for a software company. “I work 9am to 5pm but my family expects me to cook, clean, and help out with chores just because I am physically present at home. I am totally exhausted.”

Apart from being considered a 24/7 home-help, women are also constantly subjected to all kinds of policing at home. Anita moved back home when hostels were shut down and students were sent home for lockdown. “Our lives at home are often a performance, to suit the approval and standards of our families,” she explains.

“We rarely get to be our true selves in front of our parents, lest their insecurities peak and we are judged or reprimanded to follow a conventional, pre-conceived personality fit for females, particularly of our family. I miss the simplest things, such as wearing PJs all day like I did in my hostel on weekends, or just saying random things without having to think so much before speaking.”

According to a 2020 Deutsche Welle report, women working in the informal sector remain the most impacted by domestic violence during the pandemic. Many have lost their jobs and are confined to small homes, where distancing from abusive husbands or relatives is not possible. Government officials reported a 25 percent increase in domestic violence incidents during the lockdown across Punjab, with authorities registering 3,217 cases between March and May.

Zohat Parvez, a mental health counsellor from Columbia University, who is currently working with students in Lahore, believes that symptoms of depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and anxiety have increased among female students, as lockdowns have altered their lives.

“Even when things return to normal, a lot of them will remain anxious that things could always take a negative turn,” says Parvez.

Lockdowns also mean lesser physical activity and more mental issues. “I used to walk around the university a lot but, at home, I have put on weight because of no physical activity and lots of stress eating,” says Hira.

Zara’s trigger being her home life, has made her anxiety disorder worse during the pandemic, and she is now on medication.  

Staying at home has unleashed traumas for Anita that she had been repressing for a while, especially without the support of friends and a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. “I had an online meeting with my campus counselor, as I couldn’t tell my parents about my issues,” she says. “I lied to them that I had a long viva exam instead of the truth — that with my bedroom door locked, and in hushed tones, I was discussing my anxiety issues with my counsellor.”

The rest of the world reopening, however, gives hope to people like her that things here too will improve eventually. With the global roll out of the Covid-19 vaccines and lockdowns being eased, the new ‘normal’ might not be too far off.

After spending over a year restricted to their homes, the prospect of being able to go out again and being independent is exciting for a lot of women. “I pray that places stay open and we can hopefully put these lockdowns behind us,” says Anita with a hopeful sigh.

Rameeza Ahmad writes on feminism, mental health and K-Pop. She tweets @rameezay
*Names changed to protect privacy

Published in Dawn, EOS, June 20th, 2021