This June, Malala Yousafzai’s statement about marriage in an interview in Vogue magazine made headlines. She had said, “I don’t understand why people have to get married. If you want to have a person in your life, why do you have to sign marriage papers? Why can’t it just be a partnership?”

Some conservative older people were quick to term Malala’s words as a reflection of her altered, “Westernised” values resulting from her education at Oxford. Some in the younger generation found her statement representative of a naïve, inexperienced young woman’s casual remarks from within an ongoing journey of self-discovery. Others simply questioned the wisdom of Malala publicly stating views that many express in private. Still others asked what was wrong in what Malala had said.

What there is no doubt about though is that Malala’s words shone a light on deep changes within Pakistani society, where women’s views on marriage have, in fact, changed. Instead of focusing on a happy marital life as their sole future, women are now prioritising their education, jobs, and financial and spiritual independence. A partner comes later, and even then, many women are asserting their right to choose their own spouse rather than settle for a traditional, arranged option.

Eminent architect and social researcher Arif Hasan confirms this shift in alignment. “The statistics have changed tremendously,” he says. “There has been a decline in female marriages in Pakistan [in the 15-24 age group] from 61 percent in 1961 to around 17 percent in 2016. Moreover, in 2020 itself, there was a 700 percent increase in khula [divorce initiated by the wife] cases.”

Why is this so? For starters, female literacy has increased exponentially in the past years, increasing from 62.32 percent in 1981 to 79 percent in 2020. This has increased the number of working women in Pakistan, with women occupying similar positions as men in large-scale businesses and projects.

Malala Yousafzai’s views on marriage may have caused a ruckus among some sections of society. But the reality is, there is strong evidence that society’s views have themselves changed dramatically over the last few decades

“Work and career have been prioritised over marriage,” Hasan says. “When I started working in Karachi’s informal settlements in the mid-1970s, katchi abadis were purely working-class settlements, in which women did not work outside their homes. Today, Suzuki-loads of women are taken to garment, packaging and pharmaceutical factories to return late in the evening.

“Women are visible as polio workers, as schoolteachers, and now in sports as part of a women’s own cricket team and women squash, and even as singers and performers. Through increased literacy and education, women have realised they can support themselves financially and maintain their own independence, and this has led to a considerable decline in young marriages.”

Surveys conducted for the Karachi Strategic Development Plan 2020 confirmed that 89 percent of Karachi families are now nuclear, compared to only 54 percent in 1989.

“As it is no longer possible to survive on one person’s earnings, each family now contains a number of earning members, including men and women,” Hasan says. “Hence, the patriarchal family structure cannot survive. The one who earns the most resents sharing it with the others, and so the family splits.

“Many women in these working families have disputes with their extended relatives over their conservativeness, family honour, and traditional values, which has caused an added break-up of extended families. In most cases, this break-up gives added freedom to working women to pursue their career and jobs, over marriage.”

This break-up of extended family structures has played a major role in changing values and behavioral patterns over the years. Previously, the older generation would find matches for their children in their own clans and extended families. Many families no longer live in clan-based, homogenous neighbourhoods.

“Many clan members have moved up the social ladder, and have disconnected with the clan and its neighbourhood,” Arif Hasan says. As a result, many inter-community marriages have begun taking place, consisting of young men and women who have taken it upon themselves to find suitable partners. This explains why there has been an increase in self-willed, court marriages in the past 20 years.

Dating — at least in some parts of society — provides a convenient alternative to marriage, with both sides being able to juggle their relationship with jobs and home life without the added responsibility of having a spouse (and a family).

Hasan adds, “There has been an increase in women’s hostels in urban areas, so that women from other places can be educated at institutions located there.” This distance from their families gives them the space to interact with suitable partners along with focusing on their studies. “And, for the first time in our history, we have an overwhelming majority of unmarried adolescents,” he chuckles softly.

“It has created a major change in the use of public space too, in which parks are now dominated by unmarried couples showing affection to each other in public, something that was unheard of before. But what is even more important is that no one seems to mind. In fact, this has led to higher demand for a better physical environment and for recreational and entertainment facilities.”

Although the National Assembly has passed 21 pro-women and pro-marginalised community laws since 2014, with more women focusing on their careers and either postponing or refusing marriage, there has also been a backlash from more conservative elements of society. “The custodians of patriarchy are fearful and struggling to arrest this change through various forms of individual and collective violence,” says Hasan.

Indeed, over the last two decades, honour killings have increased, and will likely increase more so in the future. “This is because a gender-segregated patriarchal society, which has traditionally used violence for settling the pettiest of disputes, is finding it difficult to come to terms with new realities,” he adds.

The recent Noor Mukaddam murder case brings to light the injustices countless women face for refusing male authority. White Ribbon Pakistan, an NGO reports that between 2004 and 2016, over 15,000 cases of honour crimes were registered, with less than 2.5 percent of reported cases leading to convictions by the courts.

On the other hand, according to Hasan, “Women’s increased ability to protest alongside men, by blocking traffic on major highways to protest against karo kari [honour killings], wadera [feudal] and administrative injustices, has led to increased visibility in the public sphere and increased support for women to pursue independent working lives.

“Women are now choosing to put themselves first,” he says. “Earlier, marriage and having a family used to be the only option for them. Now, they’ve arrayed their own options.”

There are many challenges along the way, and Pakistan is slowly coming to terms with independent, career-minded women who choose to marry when they are ready. While there’s still a long way to go, the statistics themselves prove the sea change in Pakistan’s demographics in the past 20 years. Like it or not, this change is here to stay and will affect us all.

The writer is a freelance contributor and can be reached at mehreennaveed2009@hotmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 22nd, 2021