Aamir was 16 when he realised he wasn’t feeling alright, but couldn’t articulate what it was. During the next three years, he was told to brush it off, look at positive things, pray, as talking about mental health was a taboo back then. He found reading and writing therapeutic. But eventually, accumulation of a lot of guilt and helplessness made matters worse. That’s when he decided to speak to his parents and seek help.

“I was privileged enough to have understanding parents. My father took me to a psychiatrist when I was 19. It wasn’t destitute circumstances or a traumatic growing up; it was more to do with issues of self-worth and trying to find a connection that comes with growing up. You constantly feel down, even the most basic tasks like changing clothes seem like a mountain to climb.”

Aamir is one of the thousands of people suffering from a mental illness. On the eve of World Mental Health Day observed on Oct 10 every year, it is imperative to remove the stigma attached to mental illness and the shame in talking about it.

In 2020, the HRCP reported 1,735 suicide deaths across the country, out of which 1,086 were men and 649 women. The Umang mental health helpline received 8,189 calls from various parts of the country in the last six months through referrals, Google and social media platforms. Out of these, 11.5 per cent of the people had attempted suicide more than once and 11.3pc of the callers once.

Aamir was prescribed medicines and after two years of a lot of reading and introspection, he realised dealing with his mental illness was a constant battle.

Ayesha (named changed to protect identity) was unaware of depression and anxiety. But after her father passed away when she was 20, she started feeling severely ill and was diagnosed with a mood disorder, cyclothymia.

“I was nauseous, had hot flashes, dizziness and felt I was on a rollercoaster for hours. I would get scared of nothing and faint randomly. But the final nail in the coffin was when I heard screams and noises that never existed, started shivering and would think the ceiling fan would fall on me. I couldn’t tell anyone because I thought they won’t understand. I went to a general physician who told me my symptoms point toward severe depression.”

It took time for the 23-year-old blogger to convince herself she needed help, which is when she saw a psychologist, and was later prescribed medicines. But by that time, she had started getting suicidal thoughts. “It is easier to harm yourself than to explain people what you’re going through.”

Clinical psychologist Aneeza Habib explains that when the body experiences negative thoughts for a long time, it stops creating dopamine and endorphins (pleasure and pain relieving hormones) that can lead to suicidal thoughts. “The causes can be biochemical as well as psychological, especially accumulation of stress that can lead to any disorder.”

She says if stress isn’t managed at the initial stage and the coping strategy is to drink lots of tea, smoke excessively, consume medicines for headache and not seek support, the problem only disappears temporarily. “When people realise something isn’t right they should seek help immediately; it’s very important to de-stigmatise this.”

Despite the advancement of society, progress, awareness, there’s a long way to go to normalise conversations about mental health, and help those suffering from it. The first step towards helping someone suffering from a mental illness is lending an ear.

“When people found out I was on medication, they mocked me constantly that made me hurt myself even more. What finally changed my mind was when I overdosed so much that I lost memory of two days. A friend, my mother and therapist helped me through it and made me realise it’s no use hurting yourself for people who don’t matter. Depression doesn’t have a face, don’t stigmatise it. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” Ayesha says.

What helped Aamir was having people around who understood what he was experiencing. “We all need some empathy or at least mere recognition that something is not okay and that we are not alone. At 32 and having gone through a pandemic, hospitalisation and loss of loved ones and livelihood, I now know that not everyone will understand how you feel because everybody feels differently. The whole experience of going through depression and having suicidal thoughts led me to feel more intensely.”

Habib can’t stress empathy enough: “If someone notices unusual behaviour of a person or know someone having suicidal thoughts they should approach a psychiatrist immediately or just support them by listening to them; don’t negate the feelings. Be the listening ear, empathetic, available, let them know you can connect them to a professional if you can’t understand their problem.”

The recourse to medication is stressed vehemently by both Aamir and Ayesha as opposed to the notion it gets addictive. The latter says: “It’s not true that medication is addictive. Along with therapy medicines help you control yourself and keep away from self-harm.” Aamir says medication works and is often very necessary. “Don’t listen to naysayers. You should trust science, but I now know you have to put in a lot of work yourself as well.”

Ayesha signs off, saying: “I won’t say I’m completely fine, but I’m able to control the thoughts. It took me four years to get to where I’m today.”

Published in Dawn, October 9th, 2021