“What in the world is going on in here!?” screamed Anne, my younger sister as she made her way into the house. The grocery bags she had been carrying dropped down from her arms at the sight of me, lying on the floor, my shirt almost torn and Emma and Iris, my six- and eight-year-old sisters lying on top of me, almost strangling me.

“Ah…. Alright!” I said with a rather disappointed sigh. “I guess this was a mistake.”

“You guess!? Of course it was a mistake!” returned my sister as she rearranged the cushions on the sofa and cleaned up the mess we had created.

It was true though. The idea of a children’s courtroom was indeed the stupidest idea to have come to my mind, and I’m saying this despite having cut my hair myself a day before my uncle’s wedding.

For context, Anne despite being a year younger than me, had always been the better one out of the two of us, be it academics, extracurricular or sports. Above all, she was even better at being the elder sibling. God knows how she managed to discipline those two monster sisters of ours every time. That was the only thing that triggered my insecurities.

Hell bent on finding a way to discipline my two younger siblings, I had been on a search for the ideal way to do so. A children’s courtroom was one of them. But whenever a dispute occurred between Emma and Iris, Anne’s stare would do the job before I could even suggest my revolutionary idea. Today however, was my chance.

When mum and dad left for grandpa’s house, leaving us in charge, I knew this was a golden opportunity for me to show Anne I was capable enough to look after my younger sisters and make sure they didn’t spread any mischief. After loads of persuading, I was finally able to convince Anne to run errands instead of me, while I looked after the girls.

It had been a while since she left and everything seemed under control — the house, as clean as a whistle, a peaceful silence surrounding the place, and everything else in place. As I lay on the couch with both arms behind my head, I said to myself with rather a triumphant sigh, “Sending those two to the backyard and dividing their play area equally was such a smart thing to do. I can’t wait to see the look on Anne’s face when she sees how perfectly I’ve managed things.”

I had even started to consider pursuing babysitting as a side gig for quick money. And before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

I don’t know how long I had been sleeping, and when I woke up, I saw Emma and Iris staring at me, both carrying a deadly expression on their faces.

“Vicky! Vicky! Iris hit me with her bat! Look!” cried Emma.

“No Vicky! Emma tripped me first.”

“Look!” interrupted Iris, showing me the mud on her knees.

“Even if she tripped you, why did you hit her back, that too with a bat?” I asked Iris rather authoritatively.

“And did you apologise to your sister?” I turned to Emma.

“In fact, how did you guys even end up in each other’s area?” I continued. Before any of them could answer. An idea struck me. ‘Eureka!’ I exclaimed to myself.

“Say whatever you want, in the court,” I said, addressing them both, trying to seem mad.

“The court?” both asked, a little confused.

“Yes! A children’s court. Iris, you go bring Anne’s prefect gown from her room. And Emma, you bring me dad’s hammer from storeroom,” I ordered, trying to suppress my excitement.

While I set the table and chairs to make the lounge look like a court, also arranging the kids’ teddies and action figures as the audience. I couldn’t help, but imagine how accomplished I’d feel once I had pulled this off. After having donned Anne’s gown and mum’s cooking hat, and putting the hammer on the table, we began.

“Will the defendant please rise!?” I said aloud, hitting the hammer on the table, trying to use all of the little courtroom vocabulary I knew.

Emma and Iris kept watching weirdly till I pointed at Iris, asking her to stand on the chair and defend herself.

“So, Ms Iris. Is the accuser speaking the truth?”

“Vicky, she’s ly....”

“Your honour!” I corrected her.

Iris rolled her eyes, “Your honour, my sister here, Ms Emma tripped me while I was playing in my area,”

“Your area? It was my area! And I didn’t even trip you. You stumbled and fell down yourself. And then you hit me with your ba....”

“Order! Order! Ms Emma, I request you to keep quiet and let Ms Iris finish.”

“And then I asked her to apologise, which she didn’t do and during the fight,” Iris’s voice started slowing down as she continued to speak, “I might have accidentally hit her with my bat…”

“Accidentally? Vicky, she’s lying,” interrupted Emma.

After taking a deep breath, I asked Iris. “Was the play area equally divided? Were you in Ms Emma’s area or was she in yours?”

“Objection My Lord! Iris is lying. You know how she keeps running here and there. She entered my area and picked up a fight with me without any reason.”

“And why didn’t you apologise to her, Ms Emma?” I replied, changing the topic because Emma was slightly making sense.

“Why should I, when I never did anything?” returned Emma.

“Your honour! You know Emma’s habit of lying. She is lying. She did that on purpose,” said Iris.

Just when I was close to reaching a conclusion regarding the “case”, Iris’s statement was also making sense. Realising that no good was going to come if I picked a side, I made a different decision.

“Order! Order! All of your viewpoints have been considered. And the jury has decided not to go any further as the ‘final judgment’ has been made. As per the court’s verdict, both of you are equally guilty of…”

“What’s guilty?” exclaimed Iris.

“At fault,” I told her

“No, No, No! She is at fault not me,” Emma shouted angrily folding her arms.

“Oh yeah? You’re the liar among us!” said Iris moving slowly towards her sister.

It was a nightmare — Emma and Iris face-to-face in an angry mood? I certainly didn’t want to be a part of this.

“Order! Order! Okay never mind,” I said, taking off the gown and returning to being the elder brother. “Girls! Girls!” I said and stood between the two. The next thing I knew, I received a punch from Iris that was meant for Emma, and a kick from Emma to my gut, which was meant for Iris. Hardly five second later, I found myself being victim of an assault at the hands my younger sisters.

And that is when Anne entered the house with her groceries. In spite of my embarrassment over failing to make a point in front of her, it was a delight to see my motherly sister again. For if it wasn’t for her, those two monsters might have actually killed me.

And may I inform you. It took only a minute for my sister to restore order in the room as Emma and Iris were already on their way back and had stopped fighting. I just don’t know how Anne does it. If it’s the genes, then why can’t I do the same?

Published in Dawn, Young World, January 29th, 2022