IN most cases, when children have been molested for the first time, they are clueless about what just happened to them. Their instinct tells them that something wrong has happened but they remain confused because they have not been taught that no one is allowed to treat them in that way. They do not know if they are supposed to feel good or bad. They feel scared, ashamed, and sometimes blame themselves. The perpetrator makes the victim believe that whatever happened was consensual and threatens the child.

Parents are responsible for keeping their children safe. We empty the kitchen cabinets of bleach and cleaning agents when our baby starts crawling. When they learn to cycle, we ensure they wear helmets. When they start driving, we make sure they know all the rules. But why do we not take pre-emptive measures to save them from a most devastating trauma? Sex education and autonomy over one’s body is a taboo topic. Several research studies have proven that structured teaching programmes on safe and unsafe touch help prevent child sexual abuse. In Pakistan, we do not talk about it ourselves and don’t let our schools do so either.

The resistance to educating children on life skills impacts other aspects of growing up too. Adolescence is a difficult time. This is when many changes happen physically, emotionally and cognitively. Some children sail through smoothly; others have a rocky ride. This is the period when guidance is needed most. Fully understanding the changes in their body and the choices they will face can make a big difference to how they deal with adolescence. Disappointingly, most parents stopped their teenaged children from attending a session on reproductive health life skills organised by a Karachi school recently. The school had to cancel it.

I have been leading ‘growing up’ sessions for adolescents in Karachi schools for a few years. I explain to children the changes that happen to them during adolescence and advise them to think about the implications of succumbing to practices that entice us during our teens. Once a student said, “Ma’am, please give this lecture to our parents. They don’t understand what we are going through.” I then requested the school to invite the parents for a session. Not one parent was interested.

Certain lessons protect our children.

Parents say that sexual and reproductive health life skills programmes in Pakistan go against our cultural beliefs. I understand their reservations; but do they think that changes in an adolescent’s body, emotions and brain development in Pakistan are different to the changes that other teenagers undergo elsewhere? Of course, there are variations due to ethnicity, culture, living environment, etc but teenagers are teenagers no matter what part of the world they live in. Hormonal changes prevent teenagers from realising the long-term implications of difficult decisions. They put themselves at risk at one point or another. Increasing awareness of the path they take, and the consequences which follow, will allow them to think ahead.

Sexual and reproductive health life skills is a structured lesson that teaches adolescents about the changes they experience in puberty, why and how they happen, and when to go for professional help. It informs children about the dangers these years bring — smoking, drugs, sexual activity, emotional liability, violence and behavioural changes, etc. It teaches the process of self-identity, the importance of friends, the skills to cope with stress, how to make informed decisions and care for their mental health. It also educates them on how to keep themselves safe. The life skills they learn help build their self-esteem and self-confidence and also help them make healthy and safe life choices. Simply put, it teaches children how to keep themselves away from things that can harm them and if they find themselves stuck in any dangerous activities, how to protect themselves.

In Pakistan, parents, without researching, focus on the words ‘sexual’ and ‘reproductive’ and immediately conclude that these lessons go against their culture and beliefs. They see them as a product of foreign influence and think they will make their children vulgar and uncontrollable. On the contrary, they must understand that these lessons teach children how to take control of their lives and provide them with a manual on understanding themselves better before making difficult, hasty and wrong decisions.

The government must include lessons on safe and unsafe touches in the curriculum for all grades and introduce reproductive health life skill lessons for adolescents. I ask parents to request their children’s schools to organise these lessons and to take the time out to attend these sessions to understand what they teach and how beneficial they are for the children. Instead of taking away these learning opportunities from them, parents must help their offspring learn to make informed decisions in a safe environment.

The writer is a paediatrician at the Aga Khan University Hospital.

Published in Dawn, February 16th, 2022