Friendship is a beautiful state of mutual trust and support between two people. But sometimes, it is difficult to discern whether your friends are sincere, or they are just pretending to be nice to you. Because of this, it is imperative to pay special attention to any sign that may help you indicate the sincerity of the intent of people.

Your friendship should make you feel better and help improve your life. In case you’re beginning to feel something else, it is time to re-evaluate your friendship.

“The term ‘frenemy’, is a combination of two words — ‘friend’ and ‘enemy’. It alludes to somebody who pretends to be a friend but is an enemy — a proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing in the world of friendships,” says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert.

Most of us have had a frenemy at least once in our life, either at school, at work, or hiding in our neighbourhood. If there’s somebody in your life you’re uncertain about, you’ll need to keep an eye out for the following signs that may help you determine if your friend is a frenemy.

They backbite

Frenemies grin a great deal and act decent to you, yet they talk adversely about you at your back. Most of the time that you spend with them makes you feel they are reliable. You converse with them regularly and they even trust you with their secrets.

But covered under their friendly demeanour is a mean streak. They often say such things behind you back that would make you rethink about your friendship with them. And even in front of you, they will downplay your achievements and make rather snide remarks in front of others to make you feel terrible.

And the worst kind of frenemies will even go to the extent of spreading rumours to ruin your reputation or your friendship with someone else.

They possess win/lose attitude

A genuine friend is happy for you on your achievements, be it better grades, some praise from others or just a good performance in anything.

But if they don’t appear to be cheerful for you, if they avoid appearing at any occasion where your achievements will be celebrated or you will be the centre of attention, these are indications that the person in question is your frenemy. He or She may even have something negative to mention about your achievements and favourable luck, or they may censure you for their very own failures or hardships.

This person lives by the motto: “Anything you’ll do, I can do better!” They are easily identified through their meanness. They’re always determined towards their goal, with little or no respect for other people. When you are in need, you will always find them busy with excuses. Due to the competitiveness and jealousy in their mind, they never take time to listen or help others.

They criticise too much

If your friend communicates conflict or dissatisfaction with you that makes you feel despicable and remorseful, or if they call you names or assault you in some other manner, they’re likely being a frenemy.

But frenemies are very smart, they will not criticise you openly and clearly. Their criticism will be masked with a false sense of sincerity and concern for your own good, as if what they are saying for is actually to help you by being straightforward and honest. And they may also sometimes mask their criticism with humour, and say it in a way that even you will laugh it off.

They are passive aggressive

Some frenemies probably won’t embrace regular bullying strategies. So instead, they resort to passive aggression because, for a some reasons, it’s viewed as more socially acceptable. These people express their threatening vibe in passive-aggressive ways intended to harm and befuddle their target.

A frenemy will let you down publicly, ridicule you in a way to hurt you, and consistently take jokes excessively far. They do whatever they can to bring you down without leaving genuine proof. They exploit a circumstance, target you, usually before others, and use sarcasm that they quickly cover up by saying: “Relax, it was only a joke.” Or “You don’t have any sense of humour.”

So instead of being sorry for being mean to us, a frenemy makes us be sorry for feeling offended by something that is meant as a joke. But this kind of joke is just too often played on us.

They are self-centred

A frenemy is an acquaintance who talks endlessly about themselves and their problems, but gives no thought to you. When you are with them, the conversation always revolves around them. For them, your role is just to tune in, acknowledge, but expect nothing reciprocally.

In most conversations, you will notice that they show off their superiority over you to underestimate or devalue your accomplishments and capabilities.

Be a bit weary of such people for you should not expect anything from them, least of all friendship.

They are oppressors

You will figure out that they rely upon you, sending messages and calling you most of the time for their purpose. Frenemies take advantage of you, treat you unfairly, and avert you from having opportunities and success.

In front of other friends, you are always their target. They try to provoke or insult you to make you feel uncomfortable or worried, and sometimes ill about yourself.

They are liars

Frenemies manipulate you with lies. Never trust a friend who lies to you. A single lie discovered is enough to create doubt and kill friendships. An honest enemy is always better than a liar friend.

It’s alright to feel irate, sad, or miss your frenemy, however, let those sentiments pass with the goal that you can push ahead in a good way.

First, examine what your identity is and what sort of companion you’ve been. Analyse the characteristics you need in your friends, and work towards being that sort of friend yourself. Always remember “A person is known by the company he/she keeps”, so never indulge in false statements and fake behaviour towards your friends, because in the end you will suffer and people will judge you by your friends.

So be wise when making friends, because your friends play an integral part in your life and towards your character building. It’s better to walk alone than to walk with a group of friends whose friendship will lead you towards resentments and misery. Therefore, listen to your parents, they know the world more than you. When your parents are not happy with any of your friends or when they forbid you to be friends with even your dearest friend. Leave the friends who are not right for you before it’s too late. And try to be a good friend yourself.

Published in Dawn, Young World, April 23rd, 2022