There are times in our lives when we are excited and times when we are sad. There are times when we dance around in joy. But then, there are times of embarrassment and awkwardness that happen so suddenly and brusquely, as if a piece of stone had been hurled out of nowhere into the tranquil pond of our lives.

Here I am penning down one such moment of my life, acknowledging the fact that voicing such moments can be life-changing, making us remove the obstacle of self-censorship and allowing us to finally laugh at our own embarrassment.

Sounds funny? But it is true. In fact, embarrassment is a very healthy emotion.

Some hours ago, I was lying on my bed replaying the scenes of embarrassment from last week’s farewell dinner in my mind so many times that, rather than a fragment of past, it felt like an ongoing moment still happening with me. I couldn’t help giving a gleeful chuckle while typing this tale of embarrassment on my laptop. But this is how I am and always have been.

So, last week my philosophy professor was leaving for his PhD programme and our class arranged a farewell for him. I dressed gracefully for the dinner, put makeup on and set off for the restaurant, leaving my pair of glasses intentionally on the dressing table. I find those big, round glasses horrible to wear on my small, diamond-shaped face. I had to wear them anyhow daily, but I always abandon them on special occasions to look good.

This was not the first time I was going somewhere without my glasses. So, it was nothing unusual. Nothing unmanageable. Nothing troublesome.

I don’t use contact lenses as I fear they will stick to my eyeballs forever and I will turn completely blind. The story of one of my cousins getting an eye infection after she wore contact lenses for the first time scared me to such an extent that I was comfortable walking around with poor vision than put my eyeballs at risk. I am not the type of person to throw caution to the wind, even changing a tea brand is a major struggle for me.

As I stepped out of the house, I heard my mother calling me. I went back inside to listen to her. Upon reaching the lounge, I could see her standing with my glasses that she had picked up from the dressing table. She handed them to me as she always does, as if I am a baby who knows nothing and can’t take care of herself.

I took it from her as always, but kept them in my hands. How could I wear them? I would look like a clown with them, I wondered. However, never in my wildest dreams did I think about what was about to happen to me that evening.

Upon reaching the restaurant, I could not see anybody from our class, or I should better say I was too blind without my glasses to see anyone clearly. But then again, how could I dare wear my glasses? I would look like a clown with them, I wondered.

My father asked the waiter if he knew a youngsters sitting and chilling somewhere in the restaurant. Hurrah! What a kind, generous and helpful man was he. He directed me and my father to the spot where a group of girls and boys were sitting as if he was sure it was my class. I followed his directions without considering he could be wrong. Then again, this was how I am and always have been.

Upon reaching the spot, I could hear the sounds of muffled voices and with my blurred vision I could see a group of young girls and boys sitting. I hurried towards them. One of the girls dressed in a green outfit, who was closest to my vision, resembled a girl named ‘Amna’ from my class. And this was how I mistook the group to be my class.

But then again, how could I dare wear my glasses? I would look like a clown with them, I wondered.

So, I moved a few more steps and greeted them and guess what? They greeted me back. Even at this time, I didn’t realise what was happening. So far, I was thinking they were my classmates, with the girl in green to be Amna. For the rest of the people, I didn’t bother looking at them closely, even with my poor vision.

I put my phone and glasses on the table and told to Amna that I was coming back.

I went back to my father and told him that it was my class as I had found Amna sitting on the table. How silly can I be? I returned to the group again, and this time sat on the chair with them.

When I looked around, everybody had turned their faces towards me. I was seized by not only a profound surprise, but also a sense embarrassment as soon as I figured out it was not my class. I regretted not wearing my glasses that day, but regret was not a new element in my repertoire of feelings.

I rose from my chair and ran away with embarrassment. I didn’t even explain to them anything. I never consider explaining myself to my loved ones, I want them to understand me without me saying a word to them. So, why would I try explaining everything to strangers?

That was a moment I will never forget! But maybe it is a blessing because now whenever I will be asked to share the most embarrassing moment of my life, I will have a story to make people laugh at my stupidity.

I think I should end this here and go consult a doctor for contact lenses before I ever have to face this again!

Published in Dawn, Young World, May 28th, 2022