Imagine that you just gave your presentation, and afterwards someone came up to you and told you how much they loved it. You felt so great about yourself. Everything seemed to be going so well, right? But then they told you what else they heard from other people who were present there, such as you said some things that weren’t really supported or backed up, and you should probably avoid saying them again in the future to avoid being the laughing stock.

How do you feel about this? Does it sting a bit? Do you feel embarrassed? Do you start second-guessing yourself and wondering if maybe everyone else was right about your presentation after all?

If so, you’re not alone. There are many kids and adults out there going through the same situation and feelings.

However, there are also times when it comes to evaluating your own work, you tend to consider it as above average, while you are more critical of the work of others. Research shows that we often have a tough time looking at our own shortcomings fairly. After all, it’s hard to admit that something is wrong with us. And even if we are willing to accept that there might have been problematic aspects to our performance, it can still be uncomfortable admitting mistakes or hearing negative feedback about our work or being perceived as incompetent by others.

Mistakes are inevitable, whether you are a child, a teen or an adult. But how we react to them makes all the difference in our lives. That’s why it’s so important to look at yourself before anyone else does. If you’re ready to bring constructive changes in your life, keep reading for actionable tips on how to deal with mistakes and own them, instead of beating yourself up over them.

The importance of owning up when things go wrong

Everyone makes mistakes. We all make mistakes and it is because of mistakes that we evolve and get better. When you own up your mistakes, you are essentially showing your strength, that you are ready to learn, grow and get better. You are also demonstrating to your teachers, friends or family that you are ready to be held accountable for your actions. This is something that is essential for success in life.

Be aware of your own biases

First of all, it’s important to remember that each one of us have our own social and psychological existence, and that none of us are likely to be completely unbiased when assessing our and other people’s work. Moreover, we all have blind spots and biases of our own that we may not even be aware of.

Understanding the strengths and limitations of your own personality traits can help you understand where you need to change. Some of the most common biases among people include:

The social proof bias: This is the tendency to assume that what other people are doing is likely to be a good, regardless of your own preferences or experience; you may accept their opinions and ideas and follow accordingly.

The over-generalisation bias: The tendency to take one specific incident and make sweeping generalisations, e.g., “All writers make grammatical mistakes,” regardless of judging the difference in situations, people and topics.

The “big fish in a small pond”: The tendency to assume that the judgments of others are far less relevant when making decisions about your own work. For instance you think you are outstanding, while others are just average and you don’t need their remarks, etc.

Recognising your biases

When you recognise your bias and you also feel that yes, you have made a blunder, it’s time to figure out exactly why you made that mistake in the first place. In order to do that, ask yourself some questions, like what was the context for that particular choice, what were the consequences, and what could I have done differently to avoid that result?

Once you’ve identified the source of your mistake and put it in perspective, it can help you approach other people with whom you made a mistake in a more therapeutic, supportive way — think of it more as an opportunity to have a “talk” with your friends and family rather than having a bad feeling that keeps pulling you down.

Take responsibility for your work

Taking responsibility for your actions is something that can be very difficult for most people. In fact, it can be downright terrifying. We are so afraid of taking responsibility for our mistakes that we often choose to hide them. This is something that is incredibly damaging to everyone involved in our life. In fact, deep down it hurts us, and we are constantly in a guilty feeling.

When you own up your mistakes, you are taking an important first step towards building a strong personality, and you will eventually move to becoming a confident person.

While it can be tempting to convince yourself that you’re probably fine and that there’s really nothing to be done about it, the fact is that we all make mistakes. Whether it’s a typo or a serious misinterpretation of someone’s message, we all make errors from time to time.

One way to deal with the guilt of making a mistake is to ask yourself a question like: what small changes can I make to help me avoid making the same mistake in the future? When you take responsibility for your work, you can also do your part in avoiding the feelings of embarrassment.

Don’t compare yourself to others

One particular way in which many people try to boost their sense of self-worth is by comparing themselves to others. This is particularly common in situations where we feel the need to show off or prove ourselves to others. For instance, when performing in front of an audience or delivering a formal presentation; or situations in which others express high expectations of our work. Comparing ourselves to others isn’t just misleading — it’s harmful.

Studies show that people who compare themselves to others are more likely to feel dissatisfaction with themselves, have lower self-esteem, and experience anxiety and depression. Therefore, they are more prone to making mistakes as they have blinded themselves from looking into their own skills and where they lack them.

Ask for constructive feedback, and be open to it

There’s no harm in asking for feedback on your work from a friend, colleague, professor or your family member. While it can be helpful to receive feedback on your work in general, you may not be fully satisfied with the feedback you get if you don’t take it seriously or if you take it too personally. So it is you who has to take the criticism as a power to enhance your personality and not as something that hurt and pull you down.

A kid who is unable to accept any form of criticism or failure may grow up to be a resentful adult that finds it difficult to trust others or take advice from anyone again.

Therefore, start seeing your mistakes and accept before your mistakes become your failures.

Own up your mistakes in private

Sometimes, situations don’t allow you to speak loudly or publicly about your mistake, at that time, just let it go but in your heart, accept your faults or things you are wrong at. Focus and try to resolve them and don’t dwell on them for longer.

Making mistakes is not a sign of failure. It is a part of life, and it is important to keep those mistakes in perspective. When you catch yourself slipping into self-judgement or shame, try to stop and remind yourself that there is nothing you can do about it; but yes, you can learn a great deal from them.

Mistakes are going to happen. But how you deal with them, matters the most!

Published in Dawn, Young World, March 11th, 2023