As we reach teenage and adolescent life, most of us experience the growing urge to become more influential and inspiring in the community we spend most of our time in. We wish to be an inspiration and source of attention for our peers.

This is a perfectly natural desire and there is no harm in nurturing it, given that it does not affect our primary objective of studying. But why do some of us become more prominent, popular and distinguished, while others are labelled as ‘loners’? Why do some of us have many friends while others have only a few?

Based on my experience and research by personality psychologists, some of the factors that determine our personality and how others perceive us are listed below.

Have self-confidence

To become someone who is admirable and impressive, the first thing you should do is develop self-confidence. You should trust yourself and the things you are doing, your abilities and all that you do. Although there is always room for improvement everywhere, you cannot influence others if you underestimate your own qualities.

Lack of confidence is evident to the people around you, who will never take you seriously nor will they ever appreciate you if you do not believe in yourself. So the first thing is to appreciate yourself and be confident.

Show enthusiasm

I have personally witnessed that extroverts tend to be enthusiastic and humorous. Oftentimes, they change the mood of their surroundings with their presence and the way they deal with the discussions. They smile and laugh, spreading zeal in the atmosphere.

So if you are not that person, learn from those who are, observe their good qualities and the things that inspire you.

Be sympathetic

If you want your friends to be loyal to you, support and love you, you need to faithfully support them too. Lend an ear to their problems and be sympathetic to them. Give them the impression that you care for them. Respect them at all times and do not mock them.

If a decision needs to be made, make sure that everyone concerned is at least asked for their opinion.

Stay humble

Do not leave humility, no matter how much respect you earn or how much attention you get. Have a down-to-earth personality and avoid becoming arrogant and ill-tempered. Often, the leader of a group of friends gets arrogant because of all the importance that he/she receives.

This is one of the reasons that friends leave the group because no one likes a haughty person trying to control them. Slowly, you become less loved and friends start finding other ‘options’.

Be communicative

If you really want to make an impression, you must have good speaking skills. The way you communicate determines how others react to you, they will either love or hate you.

In a group of friends, you must have a confident demeanour when you speak. Maintain eye contact and establish active body language. Avoid slang and foul language as it damages your personality, without you even realising it.

Have a controlled temperament

In every situation, the most important attribute a person can have is through his/her temperament. In fact, your temperament is the key to having strong relationships with your family, friends and whoever you are meeting on a daily basis.

A person with a controlled temperament can easily resolve complex matters, leaving others to easily confide in him. On the other hand, if you have issues such as quick judgement and anger, these can ultimately make you lose respect, leaving you alone.

No matter how hardworking or friendly you are, if you have anger issues, you will be left alone. This element can really damage your professional life, thus it is very important to resist and eradicate it.

Be trustworthy

Most of us desire to have a friend-cum-partner with whom we can share our joys and sorrows, plan and prepare with, and with whom we can share tasks and duties.

If you become that figure, you will attract friends like a magnet. Your peers will want to talk to you, discuss their grievances, seek advice and spend time with you. Once the trust is made, it is even more important to maintain it. Do not even think of leaking someone’s secret, as you will lose his love and friendship.

Be neat and tidy

It is part of human nature that we are attracted to neatness and cleanliness. This is an integral element of your personality too. Although you might not note, neatness makes a difference.

Ensure that you and your belongings are neat. Your boots are polished, your hair is combed, your bag is well-packed and you keep a tissue with you.

Always be on the learning end

We need to understand that we are bound to be imperfect in our actions, thoughts and attitudes, and there is always room for improvement. The same is the case with the art of friendship. You have skills, but cannot perfect it.

Try to understand and recall the incidents in which you could have behaved in a better way. Always hope and strive for an improvement in your dealings and attitudes with others, so that you’re favoured by everyone.

Focus on the prime target

Most of us believe that having a well-groomed personality is the key to making friends or fitting into social circles, and that’s not entirely wrong. However, our academic performance can also leave a lasting impression on others. Excelling in exams and being skilled in various areas will undoubtedly enhance your influence among friends.

Making friends is a wonderful art that brings happiness to our lives. It’s about caring for others, trusting them and being there for each other. We all have different personalities, and that’s okay. Some people have many friends, while others have a few, and that’s normal too. The important thing is to be kind and understanding towards others.

Friendship is like a beautiful painting, with each friend adding their own special colours to our lives. So let’s cherish our friends and keep making new ones, as they bring joy and meaning to our journey through life.

Published in Dawn, Young World, July 29th, 2023