Illustration by Aamnah Arshad
Illustration by Aamnah Arshad

Dear Diary, I am really sad. The gloom and loneliness is increasing every day. Since that stupid Mohid came to our class, everything is going wrong. Life has got nothing to offer other than misery. Every day I go to the school and witness my disrespect, my mental torture and my physical bullying.

Till when will this desolation continue? Is this what I am sent to school for?

Mohid and his group of friends look for every possible way to create trouble for me. It seems that they have become addicted to my disgrace. They don’t spend a day without insulting me. After all, what have I done? Is my shyness the cause of all this?

Today, they crossed all the limits. At break time, my lunch was eaten before I came, as usual. But when I drunk my water, it felt muddy and murky. That was when I got to know that Mohid had added dirt in it. He giggled when I opened the bottle.

What could I do then, other than silently putting the bottle down and spending the day thirsty? How come people are so cruel?

I was crestfallen and broken-hearted. Part of me was full of anger and wanted to explode into the fat face of Mohid. But at the same time, realising my helplessness, I wanted to sob and cry and shriek. But I tolerated all of it, feeling that crying would expose my childishness.

Perhaps the worst part is that I have no friend, no partner, no companion. My shyness is what attracts the bullies the most. They know I have no one to support me.

This has led to some kind students of the class maintaining a distance from me, fearing that they would also be bullied if they partnered with me. Mohid has clearly warned me that he would physically bully me if I told the teachers.

This leaves my parents, but I do not have the courage to address my complaint. So there is darkness from all sides.

Alas, life has been going like this and it will continue. I have lost all interest in studies. My marks and my performance have also started to lag and my parents are worried. Quite surprisingly, I have even lost interest in video games. They offer no attraction to me. All I want is solitude and isolation, from everyone!

Waiting for a miracle that restores colours in my life. That is all for today.

Published in Dawn, Young World, September 2nd, 2023

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