Bird Milk and Mosquito Bones: A Memoir
By Priyanka Mattoo
Knopf
ISBN: 978-0593320389
304pp.

Kashmiris, despite being spread across the globe, are a rare breed. They are bound by a deep sense of love and community. They treat each other with the utmost care and affection. They celebrate their shared heritage with enthusiasm. Their stories bring the reader immense joy. While much is said about the natural beauty of Kashmir, this warmth and connection among its people are equally remarkable.

Priyanka Mattoo, a diaspora Kashmiri and the author of the memoir Bird Milk and Mosquito Bones, is an accomplished writer, filmmaker and former talent agent. She co-founded Earios, a podcast network led by women. Her work, including several essays in this book, has been featured in The New York Times and The New Yorker, and she has been honoured with a MacDowell Fellowship. Mattoo earned her degrees in Italian and law from the University of Michigan.

With 24 personal essays, Bird Milk and Mosquito Bones delves into themes of identity, cultural expectations, personal growth, and the complexities of diaspora life. The collection explores the tension between traditional beauty standards and individual self-acceptance, the connection to cultural roots through art and language, and the contrasting values of resilience and gentleness within Kashmiri heritage. Each narrative is rich with introspection and a deep connection to South Asian heritage, particularly the Kashmiri experience.

The essay ‘Such a Nice Face’ is a personal narrative exploring the author’s complex relationship with beauty standards and societal expectations of femininity. Growing up, the author resisted traditional notions of grooming and appearance imposed by her parents and society, finding them inconvenient and oppressive. Her disdain for being scrutinised led to a rebellious phase of neglecting her appearance. Over time, health issues prompted a reluctant acceptance of some self-care practices.

A collection of personal essays by a diaspora Kashmiri explores the intersections of tradition and modernity, familial relationships and belonging

This is bound to be relatable for the Pakistani readership, who often face similar cultural pressures regarding beauty and gender roles. Then, a transformative haircut in Paris marks a turning point, as the author begins to embrace her appearance on her terms, discovering confidence and comfort in her looks. With age, she finds liberation from societal pressures, allowing her to appreciate and enjoy her individuality.

‘Dotted Lines’ reflects on the monotony of stable American life and the thrill of discovering the song Pasoori by Ali Sethi, which reignites a sense of passion and connection to South Asian roots. Intrigued by the song’s blend of traditional and modern influences, the story delves into the life of Ali Sethi, a Pakistani artist with a rich background in music and activism. This exploration leads to a broader conversation about identity, cultural expression and the ways music transcends political and geographical boundaries.

The author also discovers Hasan Raheem, a young Pakistani singer and doctor, whose joyful and relatable music further inspires her family to reconnect with their cultural heritage and embrace their own creative desires.

Both the musical encounters, through deeply rooted cultural references and modern interpretations, serve as vibrant points of connection for Pakistan, bridging traditional and contemporary narratives. The author finds a renewed sense of purpose and a deeper connection to the South Asian identity, despite the complexities of diaspora life.

The passage ‘On Language’ reflects on the author’s deep connection to her Kashmiri heritage through language, contrasting it with her experience of learning English after moving to Britain at a young age. She describes the affectionate and vivid expressions her mother uses in Kashmiri, emphasising how these phrases convey a depth of love that English words often fail to match.

The author reminisces about learning crochet secretly from Nani, drawing parallels between their shared love for crafting and the cultural reverence for self-sufficiency, epitomised by the poet Lal Ded, whose verses celebrate resilience and self-reliance.

The author recounts her struggle to connect with English-speaking teachers initially and her subsequent rapid acquisition of English, which became her dominant language. Despite her proficiency and love for English, she cherishes the uniqueness and emotional richness of Kashmiri. She expresses regret over not passing the language on to her children, but finds solace in their love for words and hopes to bridge the cultural gap someday. The narrative is a meditation on the power of language to shape identity and convey emotions across generations.

‘I’ll Show You’ is a poignant tribute to Mattoo’s maternal grandmother, Nani Lalita, a gentle and kind woman who stood in stark contrast to the traditional Kashmiri ideal of strong, sharp-witted women. Despite facing hardships, Nani maintained a childlike joy and a caring nature, exemplified by her skill in crochet and her nurturing spirit.

The author reminisces about learning crochet secretly from Nani, drawing parallels between their shared love for crafting and the cultural reverence for self-sufficiency, epitomised by the poet Lal Ded, whose verses celebrate resilience and self-reliance.

Nani’s dementia, despite being feared, unfolded as a testament to her enduring sweetness and joy, leaving a lasting legacy of love and warmth for her family. In Lal Ded’s verse 127, Nani emphasises her formidable abilities but admits the futility in changing a fool’s mind: “I can scatter the battalions of southern clouds, dry the ocean, play physician to the most lingering fever and cure it. But I can’t knock sense into a fool.” This highlights the revered traits of strength and wisdom in Kashmiri culture, juxtaposed with Nani’s gentle nature.

The stories are poignant and reflective, illustrating how personal and cultural histories shape individual identities. With a simple yet skilful writing style, the author intertwines personal anecdotes with broader cultural commentary, creating a nuanced and compelling exploration of the intersections between tradition and modernity, familial relationships, and the enduring power of love and creativity.

This collection is a heartfelt tribute to the multifaceted experiences of navigating identity within the context of cultural heritage.

The reviewer is a content lead at an agency.

She can be reached at sara.amj@hotmail.co.uk

Published in Dawn, Books & Authors, July 21st, 2024