Life is full of action and activity once again — the schools have reopened. Whether you welcome escaping the boredom of being at home all day or hate being back to the grind at school, there is no escaping studies and school life. This can be a stressful time for some, especially those starting new a school, as a lot of preparation and adjustments are required to settle down and fit in.

Rather than focusing on the academic aspect of life, for which you have your teachers, parents and peers to turn to, let’s talk about the interpersonal issues you may find overwhelming and may need some help with.

Suppose you’re going to a new school, you will not want to ruin your first impression on your classmates and teachers, or end up being embarrassed due to your unfamiliarity with the new environment and its requirements. Even if you’re starting a new term in your old school, you definitely need to learn how to expand your social circle and interact with people in a more comfortable way. Plus, if you’re a super shy, socially-awkward person, then you will need some help in being comfortable around a large group of people.

Just for the record, being an introvert or being shy isn’t a problem at all. It’s understandable, common even, to take time when warming up to new people and different situations. But, sometimes, shyness blocks some people from being as comfortable or sociable as they’d like to be.

Trying to strike a friendly conversation may seem intimidating at first. Trust me, we’ve all been there. But try recalling the easy-going, friendly people that you know. Ever noticed the way they speak so casually, their natural body language, and the way they always seem to know what to talk about to everyone?

You can be like them, socially comfortable with others without being tongue-tied, desperate to run away and hide. While being an introvert and extrovert is part of your personality trait that you naturally possess, social skills needed to make connection and communication with others can be acquired and polished by anyone easily.

Here are some tips that can prevent shyness and self-consciousness becoming hurdles in socialising with people.

Use conversation starters

Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. However, once you take up the courage and put in some practice, you’ll realise how easy it is to break the ice and then move with the flow.

As far as conversation starters go, introducing yourself is the easiest way to strike up a conversation. When you are going into a new situation, meeting new or even familiar people, it is better to think up of a few sentences that can be spoken to anyone.

Sentences such as, “Hi! I’m Ali. We’re in the same English class,” or even something as mundane as “It’s pretty cool/hot today, isn’t it?” will do. Or you can give out compliments, “Hey! That’s a cool bag!”

See what I mean? A few conversation starters at hand will make it easy to approach people and shake off that initial hesitation. And remember, you are not the only one who feels shy, so many others do, even those you are meeting may be feeling lost and when you start and get the conversation flowing, it makes them feel at ease and the generally awkwardness disappears.

Practice makes perfect

If words don’t come naturally to you and it is hard for you to get your point across to someone, it’s always better to practice beforehand. You could rehearse in your home, possibly in front of a mirror, as it will also allow you to develop a more approachable body language. Always avoid frowning and start smiling more to maintain a friendly resting facial expression. People generally prefer those who appear friendly and positive.

Maintaining steady eye contact is essential to show you’re engaged and paying attention to those around you. If you think you come across as unapproachable, ask a trusted friend for an honest feedback. Explain that you’re looking for constructive criticism, not compliments. Their insights can help you grow and develop your personality.

Make new friends

You can join clubs and start getting involved in the extra-curricular activities that take place from time to time at your school. Start with taking part in activities within your class, and once you have gained a bit of confidence, get involved in inter-class and eventually inter-school activities and competitions. This way, you will make new friends, who could be from different grades with similar or different interests. You never know how exciting making new friends can be!

Recognise your strengths

The phrase “be yourself” isn’t just a cliché. You don’t need to change yourself or your habits according to the preferences of other people just to gain their attention to fit in. People who will like you will actually like you for who you are, for your originality and genuine personality.

For you to bring out the best in yourself, it is essential to identify your strengths (the valuable traits that you have) and polish them to perfection in order to achieve a unique personality that speaks “you”.

For example, if you realise you are more of a listener than a talker, you could easily hone that quality of yours by listening to what others have to say. Most people like to talk and they enjoy the company of someone who listens to them, as opposed to someone who does not give others a chance to say what’s on their mind.

Once others have spoken, you can offer empathy, sensitivity and support to others, according to the need of the situation. Doing this will improve your connections with others, thereby giving a boost of self-confidence, and will also diminish any feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.

Use positive and polite language

Our verbal communication consists of vocabulary and tone that we are generally used to speaking at home. But we can become easily influenced by what we hear around us when we step outside the house, so we may pick up words and speech style that is not polite. Be mindful of communicating in a decent manner with others.

While a lot of slangs are commonly used, they are not polite by any standards. If people around you are using impolite language and style, don’t try to fit in with them by speaking in the same manner — remain dignified and distinct. And if, for some reason, you unfortunately have a style that isn’t considered very refined, people around you will notice and you can have problem bonding with others. You should try to overcome that by practicing a politer manner of speaking.

In youth, when the personality is still developing, make a conscious effort to avoid letting any bad habits influence your personality. For example, if you possess something valuable or trendy, you don’t need to brag about it or show-off. Unfortunately, our human instinct tells us to do so and we appear as boastful or arrogant. This gives off negative vibes and is a huge turn-off.

It is always easy to cross obstacles from your path that hold you back from your achievements, as long as you work hard with the right type of mindset. Now I hope you’re motivated to start off this term strong and surround yourself with positive people, not only in you school or college, but also in general.

Published in Dawn, Young World, August 24th, 2024