Dear Auntie,

I am a 27-year-old male and I have been in love with my university classmate, a 27-year-old female, for five years, our relationship starting around the time of our graduation. After graduation, I was not able to make the relationship official because I was not financially stable. But six months ago, I became officially engaged to her, with the blessings of my family.

Since our engagement, she has started making irrational demands, such as a lavish honeymoon, lavish furniture (I am not taking any dowry), and asking for almost daily dinners outside and gold gifts. I have disclosed my salary to her, which is still below 90,000 rupees. In today’s economy, it is not worth anything.

I have promised her that I will fulfil all her dreams with time, but not at once. However, this makes her annoyed and results in daily fights. Now, our marriage has been fixed for January. But she says I don’t love her enough and she is seeing other potential proposals for her.

What should be my stance? I am very confused.

Groom-to-be

Dear Groom-to-be,

It is completely understandable to feel confused and stressed when you’re dealing with all of this. Relationships, especially when they’re heading toward marriage, can be tricky. But the fact that you’ve reached out for help shows that you care deeply and want to make things work.

‘My Fiancée is Making Unrealistic Demands’

First off, it’s super-important to have an honest conversation with your fiancée. I know it might be uncomfortable, but sitting down and explaining your financial situation clearly is necessary. She needs to understand that, while you want to make her happy, there are realistic limits to what you can do right now.

It’s not about how much money you spend, but about building a future together, based on mutual respect and understanding. Before building a future together, it is important to make sure that you are both on the same page. Try to have this conversation without arguing about who is right and who is wrong, but to find a middle ground where you can both be happy.

Now, about those demands she’s making — they might be coming from a place of excitement or, maybe, even insecurity, but it’s important for both of you to have a reality check. Explain that, while you’re committed to fulfilling her dreams, it’s going to take time. You’re in this for the long haul, and you want to do it in a way that’s sustainable for the both of you.

Her mentioning other proposals is definitely something to pay attention to. If she’s seriously considering other options, it might be a sign that she’s not fully committed to the relationship in the way you are. You need to ask yourself if this is the kind of partnership you want for the rest of your life. Marriage is a big commitment, and it should be based on love, trust and understanding — not just on material things.

And remember, your well-being matters too. If this relationship is causing you more stress than joy, it might be time to step back and think about what’s really best for you in the long run. Love should uplift and support you, not weigh you down with constant worries.

Hang in there, stay strong and keep communication open. Things can get better, but it’s important to make sure you’re both working toward the same goals.

Take care!

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 25th, 2024