Hi Auntie,
I am a 28-year-old woman, who is part of the bureaucracy. I had been in a long-distance relationship for two years with a doctor, who was in the UK for his PLAB. He contacted me through social media and asked for my number, which I shared with him after six to seven months.

Once we started talking, I asked him categorically if he was serious about the relationship, and told him to move forward only if he had the guts to take a stand because, otherwise, it was better not to waste his time, and mine too. But he continued talking and that’s how two years passed.

When I finally asked him about marriage, he narrated the story that his parents want him to marry his cousin. He said that they might not fix his marriage for the next three to four years. Therefore, he won’t bind me to him and asked me to consider other options.

In the meantime, he told his brother about me and asked him to keep tabs on me. His brother came to our home and befriended my brother, got his number and made his mother talk to my mother.

‘Should I Expose My Ex To His Fiancée?’

Within five months of this break-up, he came to Pakistan and got engaged to another girl from the bureaucracy. She’s my colleague and we are posted in the same district. She’s a simple girl.

Now, I want to tell her about his fraudulent nature and how he first ran after me and, later, how he ended things. Through my sources, I also got to know that he has done this to many other girls. During the time that we were in contact, he was also in touch with many other girls, including his current fiancée.

Now, what should I do? Should I tell his fiancée about his fraudulent nature? If yes, then how should I go about it, as I don’t want it to affect my professional relationship with her.
Fraud Alert

Dear Fraud Alert,
Sharing this information with his fiancée can be a delicate matter. Here are some thoughts on how you could approach this situation.

Start by thinking about why you want to do this. Is it to warn her or because you’re hurt and seeking closure? If it’s the latter, it might be worth stepping back and allowing yourself time to heal. Sometimes, it’s better to let go for your own peace of mind.

Since you and his fiancée are in the same field, anything you share could affect your professional relationship. Even if your intention is to help her, it might lead to unintended consequences for you both at work, especially in the bureaucracy, where reputations matter a lot.

Think about how receptive she is. It’s possible that she may not be ready to hear this information, especially from someone she doesn’t know too well or someone she works with. She might react defensively or dismiss your intentions, which could make things complicated at work.

If you still feel that you need to do something and feel strongly about warning her, an anonymous message could be one way to share this information, without tying it back to you. However, be mindful that this might still backfire, especially if she tries to investigate the source.

While it’s hard, sometimes the best action is to let go. People like your ex often show their true colours eventually. It’s not your responsibility to save her, and stepping back could allow you to move forward without more emotional or professional complications.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, but I’d suggest leaning towards protecting your own peace of mind and professional standing.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 22nd, 2024