Dear Auntie,
I am a government servant. My wife doesn’t like me. She gets bothered every time I come close to her. She uses insulting language, which are not appropriate for a wife to use for her husband. She is interested only in household chores, especially cleanliness. She has a keen interest in shopping, travelling and staying at hotels.

She has never expressed her love for me. She  has never come forward for intimacy. She always expresses her hatred and disgust. She has always rejected me in all my affairs and suggestions. She doesn’t care for me in any matter. I don’t know what I should do. I am very disturbed. Kindly guide me on how to handle the situation.
Feeling Rejected

‘My Wife Despises Me’

Dear Feeling Rejected, It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult and painful situation, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling disturbed. It might help to try and talk openly with your wife about how you’re feeling. Share how her behaviour affects you emotionally and ask her if there’s something deeper bothering her — whether it’s stress or something about your relationship.

If talking on your own doesn’t lead anywhere, seeking help from a marriage counsellor or therapist might be a good idea. Sometimes, having a neutral person to help mediate can open up communication in ways that might be difficult on your own.

She has never expressed her love for me. She  has never come forward for intimacy. She always expresses her hatred and disgust. She has always rejected me in all my affairs and suggestions.

At the same time, take some time to reflect on what you need from your relationship and whether you’re getting that. It’s important that both partners feel respected, valued and loved.

Giving each other some space might also reduce the tension. It could give both of you some room to think about the relationship and maybe come back with a clearer perspective.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself in the midst of all this. Do things that help you feel better, whether it’s spending time with friends, hobbies or just taking time to clear your mind.

If nothing changes and the situation continues to take a toll on you emotionally, you might need to consider what the future looks like for you both. Sometimes, when all efforts fail, you have to think about whether the relationship is still working in a healthy way for both of you.

Take your time with this, and don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support, if you feel it would help.g

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 29th, 2024