Guddu sat down on his study table, picked up his pen and started writing in his school notebook. On top of the page, he wrote the topic, ‘An unforgettable journey’, and beneath it he started writing his essay as follows:

“I am writing about my recent traveling experience, which was not just memorable, but also the most adventurous one I’ve had.

“I was travelling from Lahore to Karachi on an airplane two weeks ago. I was travelling alone without my family, since my mother had to stay with my aunt, who was quite ill. I had to leave since my summer vacation was about to end. By the way, I am mature enough to travel alone, too. There must have been over 120 people on the plane, and I was enjoying my ride sitting beside the window.

“Suddenly, I saw a couple of air hostesses running here and there. They looked quite worried as if something had gone wrong with either the plane or the passengers. One air hostess even started crying. Yes, I guessed it right.

“Within a few minutes, the pilot took the microphone to make an emergency announcement.

“He said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen! Pilot Jamshed here. May I have your attention, please? Due to very severe cloudy weather, we are going to deviate from the aircraft’s original course and get it rerouted for safety reasons. This means we will now take 30 more minutes to reach Karachi. Thank you!’”

“Though there was nothing too serious or alarming in the announcement, my incredible sixth sense helped me reach the truth in no time when I stopped one air hostess to know what the fuss was about.

“Upon my insistence, she finally revealed that the aircraft had lost contact with the control tower, the pilot had no clue where the aircraft was heading, since he could not see below the heavy clouds, and we all were moving round and round into an unknown region that could be even the enemy territories.

“Hearing this, I told her, ‘That’s so serious. But I think I could help you get out of this dangerous situation since I have memorised the entire Google Map and also learned a lot about world geography in my social studies classes at school. Otherwise, if the aircraft keeps moving this way for some more time, it could take us out of the Earth’s orbit with no chance of returning.’

“Realising the urgency of the situation, the air hostess immediately took me to the cockpit, where I was reluctantly greeted by Jamshed Pilot, who seemed to have lost his nerves and was having some kind of panic attack. First, I helped him cool down and then asked him to leave his pilot seat after handing me over the aircraft’s control panel. I felt like I was playing my gaming console. In fact, it was all fun.

“Within the next 20 minutes, I was able to land the plane safely with a short yet sweet announcement: ‘Ladies and gentlemen! Pilot Guddu here. May I have your attention, please? Despite severe cloudy weather, we have finally landed at the Karachi International Airport. Loosen your seatbelts, and welcome to Karachi. Thank you!’

“As soon as the announcement echoed in the air, all the passengers started clapping, and the head air hostess gave me a lovely bouquet of fresh flowers with a big ‘Thank You’ note. That was undoubtedly the most unforgettable journey I have ever had.”

‘I am going to get 10 out of 10,’ Guddu thought while concluding his essay that the English literature teacher had assigned to the whole class as a compulsory assignment.

The next day in the class while waiting for the teacher to arrive, Guddu was, as usual, chatting with his friends. And guess what he was talking about? Himself, his favourite topic!

“There is only one person in this whole world who can crack walnuts with his teeth while simultaneously opening a tin can of strawberry jam with one hand behind his back. Having been gifted with the unique ability to take a cold shower in the dead of winter, he can also sleep like a log in the coldest weather without a blanket with a ceiling fan on at full speed. And that me!” Guddu beamed proudly.

This was not all, since Guddu made another tall claim that the chief minister had personally phoned him yesterday to invite him to the closing ceremony of the week-long sports festival as one of the guests of honour. Even though, according to Guddu, he had to politely refuse the chief minister’s invitation because his mid-term exams were being held the same week, the chief minister pleaded for his attendance, even for a brief moment, to grace the yearly occasion. But to no avail, unfortunately. The poor CM!

“Did the CM really call you yesterday?” asked Hassan, Guddu’s classmate, his mouth open with astonishment.

“Yes, boss!” Guddu instantly replied, winking at Hassan with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

This wasn’t the first time Guddu made such lofty claims to impress his classmates and sometimes his family members, especially Shiza baji. From throwing his old-worn-out pencil farther than Arshad Nadeem threw his javelin with all his might in the Olympics, to walking up his home stairs faster than Usain Bolt could ever sprint a 100-yard dash, the sky’s the limit when it comes to Guddu and his tall claims. Blowing a bubble gum bigger than his big brother’s motorcycle helmet to making a paper airplane that could fly well above the altitude limits of JF-17 Thunder aircraft, anything can happen when Guddu starts blowing his own trumpet, and that too very often.

“Oh no! Pakistan lost the first One-Day match against England,” Bhai jan sighed while reading the newspaper headline.

“We lost the match not because of our poor performance, but because I was not watching the match,” Guddu said quite loudly, doing his homework.

“Really! What’s special in you that only you watching the game on television could make us win?” Bhai jan asked, quite surprised by Guddu’s overweening explanation.

“You have no idea, big bro,” Guddu’s reply was short yet self-admiring for no reason.

The next day at school, when Ms Safoorah entered the class, she did not look in a good, cordial mood. “Guddu! Please stand up!” she barked.

“Yes, miss,” Guddu immediately stood up.

“You were supposed to write an essay about any unforgettable journey or interesting traveling experience based on a true event, not a fictitious one. But what you have written is neither fiction nor true; it’s just a sheer piece of fabrication, which is senseless, full of lies and has no connection to reality.”

“I am sorry, Miss, but I just tried to ….”

“Tried what? Last week you told me you returned to Karachi with your family by train. But your essay says you were coming on an airplane all alone, while flying the plane like a professional pilot. Are you sure you were flying the plane or driving the train like a bullet?”

Guddu was speechless. Having received 0 out of 10, that was the first time his tall claims had gotten him such trouble and sheer embarrassment, and that too in front of the whole class.

Making tall claims is fun, but once exposed, the pain such false claims bring overshadows the momentary enjoyment associated with them.

Published in Dawn, Young World, November 16th, 2024