On My Way: A Memoir
By Mahvish Ahmed
Liberty Publishing
ISBN: 978-627-7626-44-0
201pp.

The book, On My Way, represents the third incarnation of Mahvish Ahmed. She began her working life as an economics lecturer, graduated to Instagram blogger and, now with her memoir, she comes before us as an author.

She is too young to write a memoir and the book reads more like a collection of her blogs. It is, of course, based on her life but her ruminations — her wide-eyed wonder at the experiences that seem novel to her and the advice she gives at length to her readers — dominate the book.

As a blogger, it goes to Ahmed’s credit that the sights and experiences that she finds significant enough to dilate upon, often quite humdrum for those who have had longer and more varied lives, are engagingly presented and then used as tools to instruct. Enough women leading sheltered and circumscribed lives in Pakistan are awed by the author’s experiences and benefit from her opinions. All this has made her a widely followed influencer.

Ahmed’s goal when she writes is also to capture the attention of the reader, very much like a blogger. Each chapter of the book is complete in itself and begins with a hook that evokes curiosity. She then reveals the difficulty or problem she wants to share, followed by an in-depth analysis of its causes and effects.

A memoir by a young blogger seems like a self-help book for young women like her and is primarily focused on child-rearing and positive thinking. But it is easy to read and contains some nuggets of wisdom

The highlight of each chapter is the author’s prescription of how to deal with the issue in a positive manner and so achieve happiness and equilibrium. This makes On My Way less of a memoir and more of a self-help book for young women, towards whom the book is primarily targeted.

The memoir opens with the author’s realisation that she has become affianced to the wrong person. With the support of her family, she jettisons the undesirable relationship and, by a stroke of luck, finds just the right man to marry and move to Karachi.

She loves the freedom and career opportunities of the metropolis. She has two children but her second delivery gets complicated and she nearly loses her life. After her recovery, the family is transferred abroad, where she has to cope with a new culture, the lack of house help and distance from family and friends.

This, in a nutshell, is the story. But the mainstay of the book is how expertly Ahmed dissects and examines every turn her life takes. She then connects it to Pakistani culture, and social expectations. She pries out the reasons for her own reactions and devises recipes for adjustment to and acceptance of the new experience. In helping herself, she helps others. This is where the strength of the book lies.

For example, Ahmed presents a clear-eyed picture of why she allowed herself to be taken in by her ex-fiancé. According to her, girls in Pakistan do not get validation at home. They are the unimportant component of the family. They are not given compliments or even attention. Instead, they are required to serve their fathers and brothers, be submissive, and be neither seen nor heard. That is where their virtue lies. When these girls encounter male interest, they feel desired. If the man also shows a willingness to marry them, they feel loved and immediately love in return.

Ahmed, who comes from privilege, did not feel as superfluous as girls from poor backgrounds. But, being perpetually underweight, she had body image issues and believed that she was unattractive. In an ironic twist, much later, when she was a mother of two, people wanted to know the secret of her slimness. However, in college, it was easy for her to succumb to the attentions of the first person who looked at her favourably.

The clarity with which Ahmed lays out this whole scenario and then gathers the courage to break off the engagement is commendable. She shows her readers why it is essential to discount ‘loag kya kahaingey’ [what will people say] when it is the question of a lifetime of unhappiness.

The author goes on to debunk many other beliefs held close to female hearts in Pakistan. Though not groundbreaking in the 21st century, they include notions such as ‘housework is not a man’s job’ and that ‘leaving a child in daycare borders on being irresponsible.’ Ahmed also proclaims, iconoclastically, that having daughters is totally fulfilling; a son is not needed to complete the family.

The book rails against how Pakistani society makes women feel unsafe outside the home and even within the home, where they can be trapped in abusive marriages. The author suggests that males should be brought up differently vis-a-vis women. The earnest hope is that this book is read by that segment of our population that would most benefit by the author’s exhortations.

The two recurring themes in this book are child rearing and positive thinking. Ahmed advocates that children should be brought up mindfully and then provides detailed psychological instructions to that end. This part of the memoir reads like a how-to manual on raising children. It is overly long and suffers from repetition.

The author also gives lessons on adapting to new situations and making the best of all that life dishes out. Excellent advice but, again, she tends to belabour the point and starts to preach. This method of dispensing counsel may work in blogs; in memoirs, it is out of place and causes ennui.

Ahmed writes well and with confidence. There is a flow to the text and the book is easy to read. The only hitch is that, since each chapter is an entire unit on its own, there is no impetus to keep on reading when it ends. One can easily put the book away and pick it up days later without losing the thread of the story.

On My Way reads like the first volume of the author’s memoirs. It will be interesting to see what topics Mahvish Ahmed includes in subsequent volumes, and how she handles them as she grows older and wiser.

The reviewer is a freelance writer, author of the novel The Tea Trolley and translator of Toofan Se Pehlay: Safar-i-Europe Ki Diary

Published in Dawn, Books & Authors, February 2nd, 2025