Hi Auntie,
I’m a high school student who has her exams this month. I am trying to do my best for these exams, but I cannot focus due to the toxic environment at home. My parents constantly fight and have narcissistic personalities, but I’m torn between letting them know about their behaviour or cutting them from my life.

I have been trying to improve my mental health (which was really bad a few months ago) by watching motivational videos online, which help but only for a few days. These exams are really important for me, as they may create an opportunity for me to leave my toxic family behind.

At the same time, I’m worried that my parents may take their frustration out on my younger brother after I leave. But I lack the motivation and my parents are not making it any better for me. Sometimes, I just want to express my feelings to them about how I feel about their behaviour. But then I think that this will be of no use, as I’ve already tried it before and it just got ignored.

‘My Home Environment Is Toxic’

My parents sometimes act normal and it becomes a ray of hope that they may improve but, at the same time, I know they will never change. The things I have expressed here are just the start and my parents — even my father — physically abuses me just to take out his anger on me or for some completely illogical reason.

I am sometimes suicidal but stop, keeping the fact in my mind that it’s not allowed in Islam. I read your column weekly and am in awe of how you give the perfect solutions. I hope that you will be able to help me in this matter.                       
Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
To go through so much at an age when you should be focusing on your dreams and exams — not family strife or abuse — is very tough. But your clarity about wanting to break free and protecting your brother shows maturity beyond your years.

The physical abuse you are describing is unacceptable. Unfortunately, in our society, family respect often silences suffering and it takes immense courage to speak up. While confronting your parents may seem tempting, it may escalate the negativity.

Instead, confide in someone you trust. It could be a teacher, a trusted relative or even a neighbour. If you can try and document any abuse or injuries you receive secretly on your phone, it will help if you ever need to seek formal intervention. 

The exams are your key to a safer future. If studying at home seems impossible, try waking up early to revise when others are sleeping. I’m not sure how much you can step out of your house but, if you can, check with a classmate to see if you can join their study group. Also, ask your teachers for extra guidance. Remember, every time you study, it is a step closer to university life, scholarships or a job that grants you independence. 

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 9th, 2025