Dear Auntie,
I’m writing to you because I cannot discuss my problem with anyone. I’m a 26-year-old girl. Back in college, as a teenager, I fell in love with a classfellow. I never wanted to get involved in these things. He showed interest in indirect ways, but suddenly stopped. I was shattered and felt he was, too, maybe because of my lack of response. I was extremely stressed.

On a friend’s advice, I contacted him and told him I had feelings for him. He responded by brutally insulting me. I wanted to commit suicide.

Years have passed, but I have been unable to forgive myself. I keep telling myself I was naive and acted with a pure heart, trying to save another person from being hurt. But no excuse has ever given me peace. That incident made me believe I don’t deserve respect. It made me feel completely worthless.

‘Will I Ever Feel Worthy of Love Again?’

I still wonder why I let this happen. Why wasn’t I strong or smart enough to handle things better? I kept myself away from all sorts of involvements — whether with guys, drugs or anything. But that one incident tarnished my reputation, most of all in my own eyes. Even though guys have shown interest in me, I still feel no one will ever truly respect or value me.

I want to move on someday and become a mother. But how do I let go? How do I forgive myself?
Unloved

We all make choices we later wish we didn’t. But that does not mean that we don’t deserve respect or love. Your worth is not determined by that one moment.

Dear Unloved,
It breaks my heart to hear how much pain this one incident has caused you. You were young and navigating emotions for the first time. There is nothing shameful about expressing your feelings and the way he responded says more about him than it does about you. Remember... his cruelty does not define your worth.

In order to forgive yourself, start by acknowledging that you did nothing wrong. You weren’t weak or foolish — you were just human. We all make choices we later wish we didn’t. But that does not mean that we don’t deserve respect or love. Your worth is not determined by that one moment. Healing begins by reframing the story: instead of “I was weak”, say, “I was human.” You could also write a letter to your past self, thanking her for being vulnerable.

You have already shown strength by dealing with this pain and continuing forward. The belief that no man will ever respect you is a false one. It is not reality. You deserve love, kindness and happiness, just like anyone else. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting; it means choosing not to let the past define your future.

Let yourself heal and believe that you are worthy of a beautiful life ahead.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 23rd, 2025