As the days drew nearer and my pre-mocks were just around the corner, my anxiety level began to surge. I was plagued with uneasiness over the huge platter of subjects in front of me.

Economics, Pakistan Studies, Islamiat, accounts, you name it. I had no idea where to start from and all the previous concepts began drifting out of my brain as water flows from a strainer, and I just could not prevent it. Whenever I lay my eyes on the textbooks or notes, my brain refused to cooperate and it all looked obscure, as if I had never studied those topics or even the subjects as a whole.

Only a couple of weeks separated me from my dreaded pre-mocks and my school had issued the syllabus and exam timetable. As I glanced at the syllabus, I was utterly blown away. It was flooded with numerous topics from not only what we studied this year, but even the year before. And if you know me, you will believe that I had totally forgotten the previous concepts!

With my face buried in my hands, I checked the timetable, and the first exam was economics! I was doomed.

However, the papers to follow were comparatively easier, like Urdu and English, which required minimal practice. But afterward, I had a mountain to climb with maths, followed by geography, Islamiat Paper 1 and Paper 2, accounts and history, all one after the other.

Nevertheless, I chose to not fret over those and instead focus solely on economics for the time being. As you must be aware, the last few days of school before the exams are like double-edged swords. You either benefit from them by taking days off to study at home or study in any free period you get, otherwise it can be an absolute waste of time if you choose to go to school to just loiter and play sports, as free periods are plentiful during that time.

I refer to playing sports here as a waste of time, even though I am an absolute sports fanatic, as they are not as significant during that phase as studying is. Moreover, these exams, especially pre-mocks, are the starting of a series of exams that will determine your future in terms of college and university admissions, which is why it is not wise to waste these few weeks pursuing leisure activities.

Anyhow, I flipped my economics textbook open and flicked it to a side instantly as the contents inside were daunting and the words began dancing in my face. I skimmed through a few notes my friend had provided, but then began messaging my friends for any tips, using loudly crying face emojis depicting my vulnerability and helplessness.

Fortunately, one of them recommended a particular YouTube channel for economics and I was on cloud nine. I could not stop myself from giving him countless duas and praying for him constantly.

As the days passed, I listened to the lectures from the YouTube channel and referred to the notes another friend of mine gave and even made my own notes. I repeatedly solved past papers, but each time I felt as if I was not studying hard enough. I would sit at my desk and stare at the notes I prepared, but they refused to click. In the end, my emotions would get the better of me and I would break into tears.

To motivate myself to study and loosen the distress I was tied to, I would slip on my headphones and listen to empowering nasheeds, that would touch my heart and inspire me to not give up.

Sometimes, I would just try to escape the trauma by wrapping myself in a blanket and burying my face in the pillows, but that would develop a feeling of guilt within me and I would lose control and eventually sob uncontrollably until sleep overcame me.

I realised that studying late into the night was not my cup of tea, as I just couldn’t think straight. Therefore, I decided to wake up before dawn, gather my studying material, hit the books and work my fingers to the bone. At times, I would break into tears and even think about giving up, but continued striving.

Furthermore, I would often text my friends and inquire about their situation and how they were battling with the stress. We would exchange spontaneous jokes, hilarious memes, as well as messages, which would lighten the overall mood and provide relaxation from the exam stress.

The days drifted by, and I had given it my all. On the exam day, I entered the class, began reading the notes and discussing it with my friends. Subsequently, the economics paper started and I got done with it and was in high spirit. I found the paper extremely simple and my hard work did pay off, however, that was just the start.

The focus now shifted to, geography, Islamiat, history and maths. I adapted a similar strategy to study those subjects and would sit in front of my laptop screen, listening to lectures and preparing my notes. My maths, Pakistan Studies and Islamiat teachers helped me greatly by providing essential tips and giving me their time. They would rebuke me from time to time, but I knew it was for my own benefit and it actually helped me refine a solid preparation for my exams.

I worked my nose to the grindstone for computer and accounts, and ended excelling in them as well. I particularly struggled in accounts as my mind could not comprehend the various concepts and logic involved, but I went the extra mile and the dividends were reflected in my results.

Studying is a burden we all bear and its fruits are sweet, no doubt. However, we must not give up and give it our all. Moreover, even if we burn the midnight oil, study arduously and still not obtain the expected results, it should not shatter our confidence and demotivate us as this is a learning curb and these exams do not define the true you!

Published in Dawn, Young World, March 29th, 2025